A New Start
by self-piercing
Summary: Ino starts at a new high school, she gets the chance to reinvent herself, and be who she always wanted to be. Drinking, abuse, pregnancy, self-mutulation, cutting, eating dissorders, anorexia, character death Ino/Sasuke, Ino/Deidara and lots of others
1. Chapter 1

I was standing in front of the mirror. Didn't want to be me anymore, or look like that. I took up a knife, need change. I cut my hair short, and in layers to add some volume to it. Then I put on some eyeliner and black eye shadow. Borrowed, no took, my mother was dead. I took her blood red lipstick. She always used to use it. Put some lip gloss over that to make my lips shine. Messed up my hair and almost chocked myself it hairspray. I took off all my clothes. I wasn't a child anymore and wouldn't have to dress like one anymore. I was starting at high school soon. A new place with new people who didn't know a thing. I put on a tight black top and a large purple one, it fell off my shoulders but my breasts stopped it from falling all the way down. Yeah, I wasn't a child anymore. I put on some black shiny tights and a red punk skirt with chains on. Wasn't going to be the old blond and pretty me. I put on my high heels, I had always told myself I was too young to wear them, everything had changed since then. I grabbed my purse and went out. I needed new clothes.

Who would have knew that finding different clothes was so difficult! All I could find was a few skirts, colored jeans and some tops. It had to do for now. I would wash the clothes I was wearing now and wear them to school. Shit! That was tomorrow!

I hate the whole standing and listening to the principal talk all the time. At least he looked good, so did the two boys standing next to me, and the girl. Yeah, I like girls have never dare to tell anyone. My old friends would have turned on me the second they got to know. Then set out a rumor about me being lesbian and ask one of them out. They weren't really my friends. We were just together because we were popular. I really hated all of them. "Hello, are you coming?" It was the blond boy who had been standing next to me. Everyone except his friend had gone.

Great, I had made a fool out of myself. "Try living with him, I don't know what he's talking about half of the time." Right, teachers kid, I would normally so make fun of him. I had to stop thinking about my old self. "So are you new here since it seems like you have no friends." His friend didn't speak at all. "Yeah, I moved here this summer," I said looking at him. I didn't smile, just looked. "That's cool, you can hang with us, Sasuke doesn't speak that much thou, and we have more friends inside. Oh! And I'm Naruto, pleased to meet you," he took out his hand. "I'm Ino, and you talk too much," I said and started walking. Sasuke smiled behind my back.

Good or bad news I ended up in the same class as Naruto and that hot girl. Damn, how could I be able to do anything with her in the class? She gave eye candy a new meaning. She had short very dark violet hair. Skinny and pale, packed in a coat. Mmm… I really wanted her. "Ino, right!" Naruto said with a wide smile. "I see you have… Seen Hinata, she's my girl." How could he get that girl, or how did she stand him. "Hello, Ino," she said shyly. I just nodded and we were told to sit down. Yeah, there was the black haired boy too, or his hair had a hint of blue.

"So what we are doing this week is getting to know the school and each other, you know. So we'll have one of the seniors to be with you the first days." They had two teachers, one was smoking and the other was grey haired. Both looked good. "Itachi demands not to be put with his little brother Sasuke, but a hottie," the gray haired one read from a note. Naruto started laughing. I wasn't really listening. I was going with Daida or something. He was the older responsible person. The class went towards the door. Steamed like sheeps. Yeah, better to wait, blue boy was doing the same. Naruto was the first one out and Hinata was standing outside the group. I went out of the room to find this Dada, or whatever. "Say it's not emosuke!" some guy said crossing his fingers. "So who is Darda, or something like that?" I asked. "Looks like I got the hot one," the blond one said. "And the name is Deidara, you're going to want to scream it in not too long." I was used to this crap, thank God for that. "Touch me when not allowed, and I'll bite." I turned my back to him and started walking. "That's so dirty and kinky."


	2. I Know All About You

Waking up you realize it's a new day. Not different from the other ones, not the same like other ones.

Waking up for the only time that day.

I was still tired when I forced myself out of bed. Daidada or whatever his name was had taught me how to skip, and that the teachers doesn't really give a shit about us. That's just great, then they'll grade you based on how nice you are to them. So that's pretty much what I've learned this week. And that the grade school eats lunch with us. Great? Yeah. So that was a week well spend.

I was wondering what we were going to do at school. Most likely super lame name game. Put an adjective to your name. I was sure that I wasn't going to go for the Ino intelligent and laugh like a horse in pain. I really hate that laughter. Never going to use it again, never. I stopped to tie my shoelaces. Doing so I started crying. No reason at all, I just couldn't hold back the tears. I hadn't done this since I was eight. Hadn't allowed myself to be this weak. Now I couldn't hold it back, couldn't stop. I took up a cigarette and lighted it. "So that's what you do before school?" It was that black haired boy. "It's the first time in years," I said drying my tears. "So no story about how it calms you down or anything?" Oh… He was talking about the cigarette. "Mh… It takes my mind off things. Things I don't want to think about." I raised my hand so he would help me up. "HUMAN CONTACT!! HE TOUCHED SOMEONE!!" Naruto yelled running across the street. A pink haired girl came after. When he was close enough he jumped on us pulling us into a massive hug. "Can you throw away your cigarette, it stinks," the pink haired girl from hell said. No, that's my former "best friend." I took the last drag and threw it away. "You never have a problem with me smoking," Sasuke said. The girl ignored him. "My cousin has told me all about you, Ino." I felt stabbed by her glare. I just shrugged, pretending not to care. "Eh… Shall we go?" Naruto said bothered by the tension. Sasuke started walking so the rest took that as a yes and went after.

After watching the pinky almost cry when she parted with Sasuke, I was safe in my chair. The teachers were talking about the school rules. I wasn't feeling all that well. Felt like I had to throw up. Hadn't had a whole night sleep in ages. Oh, it really felt like I had to throw up. I tried to rest my head on my desk. Fighting to keep my eyes open. "**Yamanaka Ino,** Is school a place to sleep for you?" Wow, where did creepy pale man come from, and how did he know my name. "It's just that I haven't been sleeping very well, I'm sorry." Oh my fucking God, he had a disturbing tongue that he used to lick himself around the mouth with. "Now get up and tell us the rules, it's not our fault that you stayed up all night playing video games." I had no idea what they were, but I could try and guess them. I slowly got up. "No drinking on the school area." The room was spinning. "Weapons of any kind are illegal." I had to grab my desk to stand. "It's not allowed to…"

A really, really late chapter. I've been sick a lot lately, and there's school and stuff. The good news is that I'm going to try and write a new chapter… Eh, later today. It's soon six in the morning.


	3. Why Are You Doing This To Yourself?

Ah, the blue tinted light and the feeling that you can't breathe. I really love, wish I could have been out for longer. That would have been great. To be able to sleep forever. I placed my hand over my eyes. The light was so bright, but I would have to face it soon. I had really no idea where I was. I heard someone moving so I wasn't alone. Ouch, my head really hurted. I slowly opened my eyes and was blinded by the light. I couldn't see much. It took a while before my eyes got used to the light. I think it had something about a pillow covering my face.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" It was my father. I really didn't feel like talking to him, we hadn't been in days. "Ino! Answer me!" He was yelling now. It made my head hurt even more. Felt like it was going to kill me or something. "I haven't been doing anything." It was a low mumble, but it was something. "That's the problem, that's your problem," He rested his head in his hands. The tension was awkward. "I think I made a mistake, I can't handle you. Not alone," He went out of my room. I spent the rest of the day crying.

I got up early the next morning. Didn't want to talk to my father. I packed some clothes in my schoolbag. Wasn't sure if I would come back later this day. Not that I had anywhere to stay. I'd been out a cold night before. Couldn't face any problems right now. I never could, so nothing new. I stole some vodka too before I went out. Alcohol, a nice diet, wonder how many calories there are in a bottle. Too many to think of. I sat down under the tree I'd meet the rest yesterday. Maybe they're my friends, but I don't trust friends. Ah, I sound like a die hard emo bitch. I had to laugh. I'm more or less insane, but I like it this way.

After a little while Naruto came over. "I could see you from my window," he explained. "So what are you doing her so early?" I didn't answer but raised my bottle. "I don't do stuff like that." He said looking at the bottle. "Right, teacher's kid." Maybe a bit mean, but true. "I just don't like the taste." I started laughing, he was so cute. "You don't drink this crap because it tastes good. You do it to get drunk even how stupid and immature it sounds." Naruto just stood there looking at me for a while. "I know that we haven't known each other for that long, but I'm worried about you. What are you hiding?" I put the bottle in my schoolbag. "If you've know you would have walked away, so you can do so now without having to know." Naruto sat down next to me. "Now I think you're just being stupid. I want to help you, we all have our demons. I also know that we all have secrets. Yet I know that problems are smaller shared. We can just sit here, or we could talk about whatever that is bothering you." I opened my botle and drank some more. Didn't feel like talking to him, not him or anyone else. I just wanted to rest, not sleep. I wasn't tired in that way. I was emotionally tired. So that's what we did. We sat there, doing nothing for hours until he looked at me and went home. He had to eat and pack his bag. Eating would have been a good idea, maybe later today. I didn't eat much yesterday, so maybe some fruits.

School was boring and slow. We had to choose our specialties, so we learned about that. It was kind of two main choices, combat or medical. Pain and hard work or boredom and hard work. Ah, school is so great, I hate it. I hate getting up in the mornings, I hate homework. All I could say is thank God that there hasn't been any name games yet. They're like a fierce predator. They might show up any second. Now it was safe, we're a long way from the waterhole. Safe for now, but still boring as usual, it's school after all.

So that's how it went until lunch. "I'm going for combat! I'm a warrior!" Naruto screamed showing his chung-fu moves, with sound effects of course. Anything else would have been a shame for him. "Let's eat outside Sasuke, it's so romantic!" Sakura said, clinging to his arm. "Great idea, Sakura!" Naruto screamed and started running. "So where is his girlfriend?" I asked. "She eats with her friends. If I had a boyfriend, I would be with him all the time," Sakura answered looking at Sasuke. "I would have vomited on her," I said going after Naruto.

Naruto was sitting under a tree. I sat down next to him, Sasuke came seconds later dragging on Sakura. Naruto was eating instant noodles, it smelled like molded rock and sea poo. The two Ses was eating normal bread. I wasn't eating anything. "How come you're not eating anything?" Sakura asked. "That's a funny question. I had been out all day, so my father had looked me out. I of course hadn't brought my key so I was locked out for the night," I said with a cute smile. Sakura looked down at her food then at me again. "You can have some of my food," she said. I quickly looked at her food before I answered. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't eat meat." Oh, was her quiet response. It was true, I didn't want any of that fat, and carbs near me. "Same here, I only have dry bread, but you can have some," Sasuke said. "Sorry, I'm allergic." Naruto started thinking. "Wait a second; I've seen you eating so bread. Don't you want Sasukes food? I don't think he has done anything strange to it… But he has seen American Pie…" Sasuke smacked the back of his head. "I'm NOT a breadfucker!"


	4. Can't Afford Anything Bigger

So that was how the school day went. We got to go home early too, teachers are really lazy here. I don't really mind, or I kind of did. I had nowhere to go, didn't want to go home to my father. I sat down on the bench outside the school. "Help me skip school?" Deidara scared the hell out of me and I jumped. "Fucking mole!" I screamed. "Help me skip?" I looked at him and raised a brow. "I'm on the outside if you didn't notice." He looked at me as if I was retarded. "Oh, no! You forgot your book! Now get it!" I laughed and went inside. The teachers were actually glad I went to get some books. It showed that I was devoted to my schoolwork. Wish I could have laughed right them. So the thing is that it worked.

"So where are you going now?" Deidara asked. I really didn't know, so I gave no answer. I could ask to stay at his place, but then I guess I would have to pay him. Well, my old friends were like that. "Let me guess, your mommy and daddy wouldn't buy you something, or let go or do something and now you're oh so mad?" If it had been that easy. "My father thinks I'm too much to handle." Why lie? I had problems, didn't want to keep them inside. "Oh, you're that angry?" I didn't answer. We were silent for a while. "Do you like hot dogs?" Deidara asked. I just looked at him for a while until he started laughing. "Oh not that kind, dirty girl," he laughed out. I even laughed myself. "No," I said after some more laughing. "It's the only thing I know how to cook." I looked at him "so you live alone?" He nodded. "You're not the only one with parents issues, mine has being going on for some years. So I don't really think anything is going to change." I wanted to say that I could help him or something, but I bet he was used to it. I was also scared that I would end up alone, I had no idea what I would have done then. I kind of found some new respect for him. "You can stay at my place if you want, I know how parents can be. He'll calm down by tomorrow so it would be smart to go back then. You don't have to if you don't want to, it's just an advice." I jumped around his neck and hugged him. I could feel him freeze, but he grabbed me. "Thank you."

His places wasn't the biggest I've seen. The kitchen was a bench with two cooking plates. His living room a television, a sofa a table. His living room was a bed over his sofa, everything in the same room of course. His bathroom was almost at the same size as his other room. "It isn't much, but I don't need anything bigger. Not that I can afford anything bigger." I looked around.

"What do you think is her problem?" Naruto asked being used to having friends with serious issues. Sasuke looked at him, no emotions. "Ask Sakura, she seems to know some stuff, and she loves gossiping," Naruto was also used to Sasuke being socially retarded. "I don't mean to gossip, I just think she has some problems." Sasuke let out a sigh. "She doesn't normally sleep at night. Doesn't eat breakfast, if she eats lunch it's something that contains a lot of water so it isn't really any food. Her dinner consists of pills, and then she's done eating that day. Three days a week she eats a giant dinner, I don't know if she throws it up, she looks healthy enough so I don't think she does. She almost never drink, only water at school. That's why she's used to fainting as she did at school. It's amazing that she's able to go to school. She's living out of nothing and doesn't sleep." Naruto was more than freaked out and didn't say anything for once. "What?" Sasuke said. "We're neighbors, and I've seen her a lot this summer. She has some shopping issues too, not that she buys much, I don't think her father has a lot of money." Naruto was still not talking, Sasuke was almost getting worried. Finally he spoke. "You have some serious stalking issues, or spare time issues." Sasuke hit his head as many times before.

Sasuke loves to hit Naruto, in his head…. In his head, he would hit him on his head, so why is it in… Ah, I'm such a tard. So I don't know when I'll post the next chapter. I have a massive task in Norwegian before Christmas. Write a story related to Christmas, and my teacher has been giving out hints that it should be on 75 pages. I hated mine so I deleted it. Now I have two pages or something. But it isn't the size that matters… eh, it's what's inside the story. So I'm writing a story about a girl saying good bye to her best friend who is a coma. He's going to die, so she thinks of all the stuff they've done together. After that she's going home to spend Christmas alone. I guess I have to hand it in on Wednesday, if I'm lucky Friday. I'll try to puce out some chapters before Christmas. (Oh shit, my fish just attacked the glass against me in the tank. Scared me D:) Okey, so if you don't hear anything from me. Merry Christmas, I'll be back before New Years Eve.


	5. Sweet Fruit and Strawberries

"Ino, I have to go," Deidara said. I was halfway asleep and looked at him with sleepy eyes. "Where?" He smiled at me and told me he had to go to work and I could sleep in his bed if I didn't mind. He wasn't going to come back so I had to lock the door next morning. I felt sorry for him, he was working so hard. I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I didn't mind sleeping in his bed. It smelled of sweet fruit and strawberries.

I got up early that morning, fully rested. I felt so much better. Better than ever, I felt great. I went on the bathroom to take a shower. I'm glad his shower was huge, well compared to all his other stuff. When I got out of the shower I noticed that he had been home and left some breakfast. I wasn't sure if I could eat it at first. The sandwiches had butter on, and I didn't like butter, honestly. I found out that some bread couldn't kill me. I hadn't eaten cheese in ages. It's amazing how much joy a small slice of something yellow and kinda disgusting food could bring. I had water to drink, ever seen how many carbs it's in milk? Stupid lactose.

After some hard work I even found my way to school. I had been thinking on the way, maybe I could move for myself too. Get a job and work at nights like Deidara. It wasn't like I spend the night sleeping anyway. I just needed a place to work. Wasn't more than that, just a place to rent. That couldn't be hard, could it?

"INO!" Naruto screamed waving his hands. Sakura slapped her forehead, and Sasuke had that small laugh smile. I don't know how he did it. He smiled to his right side and laughed a silent laugher. I stopped in my tracks and went over to them. "How come you didn't go home yesterday?" Naruto asked concerned. "I slept at someone," I simply answered. Sakura stuck her head up. "I would never throw away my body like that." Naruto suppressed a laughter, and Sasuke snorted. "You'd be all over Sasuke if he wanted you. You're his own groupie, and not that you have anything to do with it. I slept alone!" I was getting sick of this bitch. "Yeah! Well he's mine, you came her after me! That means that he's mine, not that he wants you after I tell him all about you, 'cause I know, slut!" She yelled the last part. Sasuke said that he didn't want to hear any of her gossip because nothing good ever came out of her mouth. I went in to class. Someone needs to grow up.

First class we had… I didn't know, hadn't got any schedules yet. Something told me it was going to go some time before we did. Thank God we had the same classroom the first year, well most of them. Kakashi was the only one in the room. I bet Asuma was out smoking. Ah, I wanted one now, had to get some soon. "So how do you like the class?" Kakashi asked. I was so happy that Sakura wasn't in it. "It's good enough, doesn't seem to be any retards here." Kakashi laughed, and when he laughed, whole him laughed. I bet he would shake his way across the room if you made him laugh hard enough. "It's because this is the top class. You and Hyuga was the only girls that turned out to be too good for the girl class, but Hyuga changed classes so you're the only girl. Isn't that great, as good looking as you are. Once you grow some bigger boobs you'll be ready to take them." Sasuke stopped wide eyed in the door. By the look on his face you could have thought Kakashi was killing me. "Don't you think this girl needs some bigger boobs and curves?"Kakashi asked. "I… I… toilet," Sasuke shuttered red as strawberries… Mm, I love strawberries.

I took a place by the window. Sasuke came back hiding behind Naruto. Cute enough, who would have guessed that he was a blusher. Note to self, get a small top. I'm not going to hide it, I love messing with boys like Sasuke. I started feeling sick from all the food I've eaten. Uhg, Asuma was talking about the school teams. I didn't have any time, and I wasn't really good at any of the sports that normally had a team on the school. Not thing that I wanted to do, so why stress about it? I didn't see the point, the school had a soccer team, I suck. Football teams, I such even more. Basketball, I such hard here too. Cheerleading, that sucks. And then there was some more crap that I wouldn't really join in on. The book club, social suicide, things like that. So I was happy just going to school. So then there were presentations, boring.

Then lunch came, I had some cucumber. Better than nothing? Right, let's agree on that. I didn't know if it was safe to eat with Sasuke and Naruto, I bet Sakura was still mad. "Are you coming?" Naruto asked. "Don't care about the little bitch, I haven't seen her bite yet." Sasuke said, with that smile again. I fall in love with it every time I see it. I thanked for the offer and went to find Deidara and his friends. Then I would have to go to the cafeteria. That was a nightmare.

It wasn't hard to find him. I felt like I had walked in a teen movie. Geeks at one table, ugly people at another one. That was disturbing, even if I was used to it. "Hot and blond!" That was a nice nickname, but it was Deidara. He and his friends sat the… I don't know popular weirdos table or something. Some read haired girl was steering at Deidara, and she didn't really look that happy. "So now I'm too old for you or something? Maybe I'm not blond and skinny enough liker her!" she said and went. "Ey! It's Deidaras tour girl!" Sasukes brother said.

"I think it's good that she learned not to mess with my boyfriend…s," Sakura said looking around. "I don't know, I like having her around," Sasuke said. Sakura looked at him with a shocked expression. "Do you know where she's been?!" Naruto finished his noodles. "Do you know where she used to live. I've always wanted to know, but I forget to ask all the time." Sakura smiled. "She's not even from this country," Sakura said. Naruto wowed. "Where she comes from, it's normal to drink, do drugs. Do you know what she used to work as when she ran away from home?!" Sakura said exited. She didn't gave them any time to answer before she yelled it out. "She worked as a stripper, and I bet even more," It was a lie, but she had to make it seem terrible. "I wouldn't mind paying to see some of that," Sasuke said and received a smack from Naruto.

Okey, I only had to write 5000 words one the story so I had some time to write this. Still Merry Christmas if I don't write anymore.


	6. Going Home

"Karin didn't look all that happy to see you," Sasuke's brother laughed. "Oh and I'm Itachi, you'll be…" Not that shit again "If you say that I'm going to be screaming it in not too long or something like that, I'll make you scream something else." Deidara started laughing. "She's not afraid, now are you?" I started poking Deidara with my cucumber, and we almost died laughing. "Oh, by the way. I stole it from you!" I laughed out. "Oh my God, their like… Acting like children," the boy with massive hypothermia said. Fuck, he was all blue. Deidara fell of his chair and I jumped on top of him. I pushed the cucumber down his throat. "Now you eat mine!" He had problem speaking, but he was able to get out something. "Mine is bigger than yours!" This was way much funnier than outside.

"So… She sold her body?" Naruto shuttered. "Yeah, I've been told that she has all types of diseases, and she would only take paid from the ugly ones. She had to stop that when she ended up on the streets. She was taking so many drugs and was drunk all day so her parents kicked her out." Sasuke knew that not even half of it was true. It couldn't be, now could it? No, it came from Sakura, and she was too young to have lived on the streets. "Sakura, we both know that it's not true. Stop throwing shit about people that are better than you." Naruto was thinking for some seconds. "I've seen her drinking… It could be true." Sakura smiled when Sasuke looked wide eyed at Naruto. Maybe it was true what Sakura said for once?

I was looking outside the window. Maybe I did miss my life, it wasn't this hard. Being mean to others really made me feel better, but it wasn't right. I loved it how everybody looked up to me. They don't even have that type of girl here. It doesn't matter if you're a total geek or a beauty queen. We're all the same and get judged by what we do. I'm not a good person, I wish it was all about the looks. I wish I could get used to this type of school. I want to fit in, but I don't. Sure you had the group of geeks, jocks and that. It's just that the jocks weren't cooler than the geeks. They're the same, they're worth the same. I don't know how this can be. I'm not used to any of this.

She couldn't have been living on the streets; she couldn't have taken any drugs. But Naruto had seen her drinking, she smokes. I don't know what to believe. She looks so innocent. Like she's done nothing wrong in her entire life, I don't know what to think of her. She hasn't said anything herself; she's the only one who knows. Still I can't just go up to her and ask. We aren't that close. I don't know. And who is her friend, I didn't know she knew anyone else. There's so much I don't know about her. I don't know what to think about her, but I do like having her around. She's so dark, yet happy. There's something about her. Something I just can't put my finger on.

I was wondering if I wanted to go home after school. Taking Deidara's advice in mind I ran after Naruto and the rest. "Weren't you good enough in bed to stay another night?" Sakura asked with an ugly smile on her face. "Get over your virginity, I bet your father loved it!" I said. She got a disgusted face and Sasuke started laughing, while Naruto turned red. "You're disgusting!" Sakura screamed. "Well, I'm not asking about your sex life all the time. Grow up, I'm over the poo, pussy and shit stage." She became quiet after that. The rest of the walk was quiet. Sakura said good bye first, then Naruto. Sasuke was looking at me, so much that it made me uncomfortable. "Where do you come from?" he wanted to know. "I was born in Spain, but my father got a job in Wisconsin so we moved there when I was 14, then the years went by I moved here this summer." He nodded, buying my story. Not that it was a lie, I just didn't tell him everything. I could tell that something was bothering him.


	7. Don't Worry, I'm Here

What a wonderful life? It was so weird looking in front of my door. It that the result of my whole life? Six boxes, that's my life? Those boxes, six small boxes. I sat down on one of them. Thank you, my beloved father. What was I going to do now? I didn't cry, that surprised me. I had nowhere to go. Who could I go to? And he couldn't really kick me out. I'm underage. What the fuck am I going to do now? I found the box with my clothes, I'm glad I had given away most of them.

So there I was, with a box of clothes and nowhere to go. I picked up my phone and called Deidara. Effing course he didn't answer. I was wondering if I should go home to him or what I was going to do.

"It's true, isn't it?" I got scared and jumped around. It was Sasuke, with a sad face. "What's true?" I really had no idea what he was talking about. He hadn't really thought through what he said. "You know… Your past, your parents hates you, you work as a whore and you're addicted." I didn't know where he had that from, but I kind of knew. "Don't listen to her, I just have some problems at home." He looked at my box. "I made a club for that if you want to join." I laughed while he smiled. "You're such a retard." He looked away for a while, "you could stay at my place, till your father or something comes home." I really didn't know what to answer. I really didn't know. Sasuke was like… The silent little… Rapist? I don't really know. He scares me at some times. "mhm, thanks for the offer, but I'm meeting a friend soon." He looked up. "So how is that friend?" it was a hint of anger in his voice. Why should he be mad? I didn't really know. "Someone I know, the friend you slept with last night?" Now it was my turn to get mad. "Yes Sasuke! It's my fucking customer! Because I'm a fuckings whore! I just love selling my body for money!" Someone started clapping. "That's how you get a girl little brother," Some guys were laughing too. Sasuke suddenly ran past me.

So Sasuke's brother invited me in. Why I agreed? Deidara was there, I feel like his personal stalker. He had his girlfriend there, but that's okey, we're just friends. Right? Yeah, we're just friends, in fact I don't really like anyone at the moment. It feels great, not being after someone, or trying to hold on to. It was really noisy, I mean everyone was talking, the TV was on, and music was playing. Yeah, it wasn't so quiet, and the air was terrible. Was everyone smoking like hell? And could I open a window? Oh no, that would have been wore then dying. Why did I stay? Free cigarettes and booze. Can't complain on that, my life had turned into a homeless existence. Yeah, that's nice, I'm not going to miss so called father. My head hurted too, ah. I went out with a cigarette in my hand. If this was a party in this town I'm might as well just move.

"Your underwear looks fine," Deidara said and sat down next to me. I didn't care and kept on smoking. "Just tell them to put it back in the box." Deidara started pushing against me. "Emo, eemmoo!" I threw my cigarette on the ground and stamped on it. "What? I'm homeless! I don't have a place to sleep! I don't have a place to live! So sorry for not being happy." Deidara jumped up and hugged me. "Of course you're not alone, pretty blond!" He hugged me even tighter. "You can stay at my place, you can sleep here, at any other of my friends. There's nothing to worry about. I'm here."


	8. Sasuke Wanted Me To Tell You

So it's snowing. It's winter and so many things have changed.

I had a fight with Sasuke, he kind of went around arguing with everyone. So he has some new friends.

Naruto spends all his time with his girlfriend and her friends.

Sakura has found herself some bitchass friends, they're all the same. Karin is one of them. That's great.

Me, I hang with Deidara and his friends. I've also started doing music and joined the poetry club. Why? The teacher is fucking hot. So I was sitting there. Trying to write a love note. I could only use five words. It's was really hard so he came to help me. I'm madly in love.

"Say that you're single." I am. "You like someone." I do. "Tell him that you like him." It's you. I feel so silly for liking a teacher. It's something about his eyes, or that whole I hate everything clean look he has. The weird thing is that it's so hot, on anyone else it would be disgusting. "So it doesn't have to be anything deep? It could be something like… Banana, wish it was you?" He started laughing it was so cute. He moved his lips up and eyebrows down. It looked like he was trying to make a ball out of his face. He would look like a total retard if it weren't for his cheek long dirty blond hair. "If sex is how you think about liking someone, good. I know I would have liked a note like that."

I felt good when I walked home. I had moved for myself after living with Deidara a while. I now live right above him, so I still spend lots of time with him. I like my life now. It perfect, so something must go wrong? Right? Nothing can ever be perfect, perfect doesn't exist. For now everything is good, I'm going to enjoy it.

After doing my homework I went down to Deidara. I knocked on the door, but he didn't answer. He had told me I could come down to him, he had the day off from work. Maybe he was out shopping or something. So I went home and called Naruto to see if he was up for anything. It took a while before he answered. "Hi, it's Na-Na-NaRUTO!" He screamed. It wasn't a pain scream, or anything so I laughed. "What are your plans for tonight?" I could hear people laughing so I guess he was going his plans right now. "Where have you been? I told you that Sasuke wanted me to tell you to come to his party tonight, because he wanted to talk to you." I couldn't remember anything of that so I laughed. "I guess I'll be there soon."

What did Sasuke want to tell me? I don't know, maybe I should know? We hadn't been talking for… I don't really know, I don't even remember what the argument was about. So it was kind of stupid that we weren't talking. Him being mad at me also made him hotter in some sort of way. He'd make weird mad faces whenever he saw me.

Yeah, it was really a party at his place. I bet it was his brother throwing it. Or… Sasuke could get loads of girls at a party, but Sasuke wasn't really a party thrower… But he has changed a lot for what I've heard. So I don't really know. I just went in, up on his room and found out that I should have knocked. Really, I should have knocked. I don't know how far they had gotten, but since they were both under the blanket everything told me I should have knocked. "Naruto said you wanted to talk to me," I said, pretending not to be bothered. Sasuke removed his face from the random girls face and looked at me. "Give me five?" he asked. That's really classy I said and went out. I wasn't planning on waiting on him so I went to find Naruto.

Yeah, he has his tongue deep down Hinatas throat so… Was everybody with someone except me? Being single rocks! I sat down in a chair waiting for Sasuke. I don't know how he measure time, but it sure had gone five minutes before he came.


	9. Everybody Has Their Bean

"Can we go outside?" he asked. I didn't answer, but got up. He went first out the door and sat down on the lawn. "I didn't do anything, couldn't when I knew you were where." I didn't have anything to say to him yet. "I got new friends, started partying, drinking, girls. You know that stuff? I thought it would make me good enough for you." I looked over at him. He was looking at a car driving past. "Sakura had told me about you past, I just wanted to have done some of the stuff you have done." I don't know who I was mad at, him or her? "You could have asked me about my past, I would have told you what's true or not… And if you're good enough for me doesn't have anything to do with how many you've slept with, how many girls you've slept with." He became quiet for a while. "It felt good." I started laughing. "Of course, it was wrong." He started laughing at that too. "My parents are dead, I only have my brother." The laughter was all gone from his voice. "I know how that is, having no one." He looked over at me. "It's not the same, you ran away. I didn't want it to be like this." I snorted. "I didn't run away, my parents died some years ago. After that I've been thrown around in foster homes. Most of them bad, but you learn to live with it." Because there's nothing else to do. "But… Sakura said…" I interrupted him. "Yeah, she said. I bet most of what she told is all bullshit. She wants you, you were nice to me. She told you a bunch of crap about you." I got up and went. Didn't want to talk to anymore. It just hurts sometimes.

I decided to watch a movie and feel sorry for myself, so I stopped to rent one. I couldn't decide on witch one, An American Haunting or Thirteen Days. "An American Haunting is really boring and I didn't get any of it, Thirteen Days is about an ism not liking some other ism and I don't like isms. I'm going to watch Over the Edge. It's really cool, total anarchy!" Ah, I love just love this teacher. He's like a dream, everything I've ever wanted in a man. Just that I don't hate communism… which is an ism. I giggled; he's so weird in a funny way at times. "So you aren't at the big party tonight?" He asked. "I went, but… Yeah?" I didn't really know what to tell him. "It's okey, I used to hate the parties and love the drinking. So I used to spend my weekends getting drunk with my best friend. I wonder how he's doing…" I just shook my head. He's crazy. "Last time I spoke to him he wanted to get married, but he couldn't because he's gay. You know, gay people are the best." I don't really know any gay people, or I sure I do, but not anyone who is open about it. That's unless you count bisexual as gay. "Are you gay if you are bisexual?" I asked really without know I had said it out loud. "I've wondered the same so many times, but I don't really count myself as gay…" Wow, that's awesome I thought. "So you're bisexual?" That's a great thing to ask a teacher. "I used to go around thinking that I was gay. Then I fucked a girl and liked it, still I also liked fucking guys… That's how I found out that I'm bisexual," he said nodding. He kinda gave away too much information there. "Well I have to go, I bet my bean is missing me." He smiled, gave some salute with his hand and went. Who can blame me for liking him… Even if he had a girlfriend he called bean. Ah, I honestly hate beans.

I went home and watched Over the Edge, I liked it. Drugs, guns and teens… stuff like that. It was really nice. Just that I couldn't stop thinking about Sasuke, and Deidara still wasn't home. Ah, I'm getting really worried about him. I bet he's at the party, or he's out with a girl. Seems like everyone has somebody, just not me.


	10. He's Here For Me

It's funny how things change, and so fast.

Deidara had showed up last night, kissed me and told me that I was the only one for him. I couldn't say the same to him.

I'm pretty sure I, if not love, but like three boys.

One has always been kind and helped me.

One is a bastard that is really lost mentally.

One I don't even have a chance on, I can't have him.

I wanted to say that I loved him back. Still I kissed him back, I don't know if he was too drunk to remember it. Maybe he even wants to pretend that he doesn't remember. Akh, boys. They're so complicated. Wish I could ask someone for help. Someone that's smart on feelings, and things like this. Only last night I felt that everybody had someone and I was all alone. Now I have two boys that want me. Does that mean that I'm going for the third one that I can't have?

"Ino? Are you even paying attention?" the snake teacher said, in well not a happy tone. "I couldn't even if I wanted, you're that boring, and disgusting." I fuckings love my science teacher! Everybody in class started laughing. "Do you feel cool now? Everybody is laughing of what the pretty popular girl said? Do you like that?" Didn't seem like I was saving the insults today. "Seems like you didn't have any friends as a child." If he was allowed he would have smacked me right to the ground. "Detention, two weeks." Sore point, he went back to teaching and ignored me. When I went out he gave me a note. He wasn't kidding about the detention. I'm going to have a great time.

Things were awkward between me and Deidara under lunch. He did remember. "Did you two fuck and Deidara sucked so bad that it's all tense between you two?" Itachi looked at me and over at Deidara. He got up and dragged Karin with him. "No," I said and got up to. With no one to eat lunch with I took a walk around school, pretending to be looking for a room. Didn't know why I did that. "Looking for something?" Oh great, it was Sasukes weird blue haired friend. "I'll manage," I said with a smile. "You know, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be wondering these dangerous corridors by herself," he said leaning up against the wall. I laughed and walked away from him. Why did school have to be so boring? Language classes were fun, why? I really have to stop thinking about him. He might have a wife, and he's a teacher. Him being a teacher should be enough to stop me. But I just love all about him, the way he smile, his dirty hair… I'm really not going to stop. Soon I'm going to start dreaming about him. I'm glad I hardly ever remember what I dream about.

"Ino!" Naruto yelled and ran against me. "What are you doing here?" Why was everyone asking about that? "I don't know what I'm doing anymore." It was an honest answer? Yes. "Are you okey? I'm worried about you. You, you don't seem like your old self. The you I got to know, the one with all the smartass comments, you used to be happy. I know that you've had a hard time, I know that you'd argued with Sasuke, and that you got kicked out. I don't know what happened to you before you got here. I've only heard Sakuras crap. I don't trust her enough to think she spoke the truth. I'm here if you want to speak with anyone, if you need someone. I'm here, and I'll do anything I can to help you." With that long speech he hugged me. It felt good.


	11. Life Screws Me Over Once Again

Detention couldn't be any better. I think I'm obsessing about him or something. I don't care, he was there. He was playing one of his new songs for us. Around seven people. Five boys and two girls just that the other girl could pass as a boy any day. He's really a God at the guitar. He's voice is so deep, and raspy, but it's comfortable to listen to. "One baby to another says -I'm lucky to have met you. I don't care what you think. Unless it is about me." I love his songs.

They're so nice. It seems like they're random crap, but they really have meanings. Good ones, if you just find them. I loved looking into his eyes when he was singing or playing his guitar. He was so gone, he was empty inside. I wonder what he was doing at a school like this. He should be a real musician. He's really good, and the way he plays guitar, I haven't seen anyone better. I don't think I ever will.

"Did you like the song, Ino?" He asked. I hadn't noticed that he was done, and had woken up from whatever state he was in. "Yeah, it was great…" He put his guitar on his desk and sat down in front of me. "So why are you here perky?" Yeah, no wonder he asked. The other guys here wasn't only losers, they looked ones to. "I wasn't paying attention, and my teacher got mad. So I kinda insulted him. Said he didn't have friends as a child and stuff like that, he really got me mad." He started laughing.

"The first time I got detention it was because I told one of my teachers his face looked like peanut butter." We both started laughing at that. "But peanut butter is so disgusting!" He nodded while laughing. He was so cute.

I wonder if me liking my teacher is just a phase or something like that. And what to do about Sasuke, and is Deidara mad at me? Sure he is, I bet he even hates me. Why? Because I don't like him, that's not my fault. If only it was that simple. I want to like you; oh I want to like you to. Let's get together since we both want to like each other.

Life screws me over all the time.

I don't really have enough money to pay rent, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be homeless again. Now that I don't really have anyone to stay at that's great. I haven't spoken to my father since he threw me out. I can't get a job, and believe me, I had tried. I've asked everywhere. I hate living at a small place like this. Maybe I should drop out of school and get a daytime job. It's the only way to get enough money. Then I can't see Professor. Hotness.

Ah, why do I keep thinking about him all the time? There has to be something else to spend time on. Like school, getting good grades. Maybe getting something better than B. I hate getting B's, but I hate studying even more.


	12. Deidara

My lips are dry, today's biggest worry. Subject, French. Craving of the day, grapes. Do you know who smells like grapes? Deidara, he smells like all kinds of fruit. He came up to me last night. He brought a plate of fruit and a movie. Not grapes on the plate, maybe that's why he smelled like grapes. That sneaky bastard.

"What are you thinking about?" He's so good looking. "Grapes," I answered toneless. "That is in French?" Every French book says something about wine so that was simple. "Les raisin, they don't have a singular form." That's all he said. Any other teacher would go psycho.

After French it was lunch, we started with two periods of math. Who starts the school day with math? We have Kakashi in that subject so we didn't really do anything.

It felt great eating lunch with Deidara. Not that I did eat much, but I had my water bottle. Nobody seems to notice that I'm not eating, or maybe they just don't care. That's also something I like. Nobody really cares here. They're like, they're just here. They don't judge, you can screw up so bad and they won't care.

"So the sex was better last night?" Itachi said looking at me. "Oh yeah! I felt sorry for the poor bed!" Deidara said and finished with a farting sound. He's so funny, in an immature way. I like that about him. He always makes me laugh. He never fails.

So school was over. I was standing outside the gates waiting for Deidara when Sasuke walked smiling by. He's up to something, might as well start walking around with a rape whistle or something. But who needs that when Deidara is around. Haha, he's like medium strong. I bet Sasuke could take him on any day. That's okey, really. I don't like men with big muscles. Still Sasuke does have a nice body. No, I don't know who's strongest, Sasuke or Deidara. I should make them fight one day. I laughed.

"What are you laughing at my white dove?" I put on a smile and said nothing. Somehow I wanted him to kiss me right then. I've been watching too many romantic movies. They aren't good for me. They really aren't. "So what are your plans for the day?" Once again I told him nothing. We decided to order pizza and see a movie. There's my romance.

We decided to watch The Shinning. I've seen it so many times before, so one more wouldn't hurt. "Why are you with her?" I asked. He didn't understand the question at first. "Because none of us ever cared to break up." That was… Honest? "You know she's cheating on you?" That was beating around the bush on a high level. "I would be stupid not to." I snuggled up to him. Must suck to know that your girlfriend is cheating on you, but he could just break up with her. Wonder if he was ever happy with her.

There I go again; thinking about whom once had him. Just that she still has him.

Would it be wrong of me to kiss him then? He looked so kind gazing into the TV. Looked so fragile. Like anything could hurt him.

I fell asleep on his shoulder that night. He didn't have the heart to wake me up.


	13. How Does That Make You Feel?

Its weird how days fly by. How you can't control time, it's something you can't decide over. It's floating, and there's no break. It's also amazing how fucking hard and boring math is. That I can't seem to understand a shit out of it. "Math was nothing else than funny… numbers to me." Detention. Today I was kinda mad at him. I don't know why, is it because he said I can't control my feelings, so I lock them up inside? Is it because he was laughing at me? Ah, wish I could spit in his face. "How good for you," I said as calm I could. "Ah, anger." He smiled, that… Melting refrigerator! "Yeah, I don't understand my math!" That was so true. "If that's what you want me to think." I want you to feel so much pain that you scream for death! Maybe I was overreacting. "How does it feel, not being able to control me?" He sat down on the desk in front of me. I didn't answer. "You feel that you have to control something, and since your emotional life is a mess you don't eat. That's the one stable thing you can control in your life." Ah, the one thing I might not be able to control right now was my anger. "I don't need you to judge me, be my personal therapist or anything." He smiled, that fucked up pole! "So you don't disagree with me?"

I hate him; I hate every single thing about him.

"Isn't that a personal question?" Could he even ask that as a teacher? "So? I don't mind sharing every little detail about my life with you. Is there anything you want to know?" After thinking for a while I came up with something. "How the hell did you end up calling your girlfriend bean?" It seemed like that question made him happy. "Bean is my daughter, and I'm married. How does that make you feel?" Did he know? Doesn't matter because he's the biggest asshole ever. "You're a teacher, how does that make you feel?" He looked into my eyes. "That you're underage, how does that make you feel?" So he wanted to play this game. "Glad that your married, how does that make you feel?" He hadn't moved his eyes, not even blinked. "Glad I'm getting divorced, how does that make you feel?" If only I had a straight answer. "Confused, how does that make you feel?" Not even once had he closed his eyes. "Like I have to make the first move…

Everything said that I should run. Everything I felt told me to stay.

Everything said to slap him, my feelings told me to melt into the kiss.

What do you think about that?" Wet, sloppy, clumsy, hands everywhere. He must have thought it was my first kiss. Maybe it was my real first kiss. Sober, confused and full of emotions. I didn't want it to end, I loved all the clumsiness, not knowing where to put my hands. His cheek, behind his head, where? I didn't need to worry about that when he broke the kiss. Can't imagine that the ideal place was on a desk in front of the girl he was kissing. "You know what we just did?" I nodded, not being able to speak. "We just pissed on every rule and morals. Or I took advantage of you. No! This is all wrong." The only reasonable thing I could do right then was to kiss him. I wanted more, I hope he did to. Did I feel bad that he had a child and a wife? I didn't even think about it. All I could think about was us two kissing, about how wrong it was. Still I didn't care, I didn't know him. It was a crush, not love.

It's still time to say who you want Ino to end up with. It could be whoever you want it to be… Unless they play in Tokio Hotel, everything has a limit!


	14. Who Doesn't Have Spray Paint And Cream?

So Sasuke kept sending me notes. It was just random talk about how stupid Naruto was, how old the teachers pants could be. I think he tried to be funny, it was really cute.

"Seen Sasukes hair today? I mean, vomit looks better."

I threw the note over to him to him. He started laughing quietly, and wrote me back.

"Smelled Ino today? She smells like dog shit, I think she might made her shoes out of it."

It was funny the way he tried to make me laugh.

"If you want to smell something bad, smell Sasukes lunch. Have he saved them as long as he's been a girl?"

The note in return got snapped by the teacher, Kakashi.

"Seen the way Ino flaunts her boobs? What a slut, but you have to give it to her. I would never guess that she used to be a he!"

I almost died on me! I started laughing so hard I fell off my chair. Sasuke was playing to cool with a smirk. Mr. Charming, just that he's also kind of… cold. It looked good on him, that evil smirk. "She… He… BOOBS!" Kakashi yelled. You could see him smile under his mask. I might not have said that, but Kakashi always wears a mask, always. Wonder if he ever change, or if it's the same mask all the time… Ew! "You two are funny, Sasuke… Is your lunch from the time you got confused of you gender?" I started laughing even more. Sasukes face drooped.

So that was school for that day. Nothing else really happened. Nothing, I haven't seen him since we kissed. It was wrong… Just wrong.

It was a school night, Deidara was at work and I was bored out of my mind. I was watching some lame teenage movie when someone texted me on my phone.

"I have fish food, want to take a swim?"

It was from Sasuke, and I didn't really understand a thing.

"Meet me outside school at midnight?"

School was locked, but oh well. I guess I'll go see what he wants.

The movie really made the time fly by. It was so very funny. I've never been so amused. Could time go by slower?

"Skinny dipping?! With you?" I asked Sasuke. "Yes? Awesome idea right?" There he stood. Right in front of me, sober I'm sure and wanted me to skinny dip with him. Not only was it winter, there's also snow. "It's totally retarded…" I said looking at him. "Okey, lets break in to school then." Didn't see the problem with that so I started climbing over the fence. "You're up to that?" Sasuke asked and came after. "I'm bored, it's not like we're going to hurt anyone." Sasuke looked scared. I bet he was. "That is true…" I smiled. "The alarm starts working at two. So before that we can do whatever we want." I started laughing. "For how long have you planned this?" I didn't answer, but giggled. "So the door is open? I don't think so." I walked past the front door. "The door into the cafeteria is open. They deliver food before any teachers come, and nobody bothers to come early and open." Sasuke looked around. "So how do you know all this?" I really didn't want to answer that. "Mhm…Why I knew this… Well… Yeah… I have detention." Looked like he bought it. Damn, sometimes he can't be thinking. They wouldn't tell this to people who have detention.

"Now that we're in… Lets thrash an office." Now that we're in he's all cocky and brave. I started laughing once again and walked into a random room. "Does this look good enough for you?" I asked. Sasuke came right behind me. "You're a bad girl. Aren't you?" I opened my purse and took out a spray can. "You're prepared too?" I took out a new box. "Who doesn't go around with spray paint and cream?"

So we ended up spray painting a naked girl on the wall covered in cream. It's one of the sickest things I've done since I came here.

That was that night. Nothing else really happened.

So you can still "vote" for who you want Ino to end up with.

There's one vote for Sasuke, thank you fruitpunch123451 :)

Deidara and the teacher don't have any votes. And you can vote by telling me who you want in a review.


	15. Pole Boy

"So does anyone know who made the offensive picture in office? It's wasn't someone here? Was it?" Wups, smashing Professor Hotness office was a great idea. Sasuke looked like he had a pole up his ass. He has no po-po-poker face. A note to myself must be to never listen to the radio again. As long as Poleboy doesn't give it away it's all going to be fine. I bet he's never done anything wrong in his life. Same goes for everyone else. They honestly looked horrified. "What would the punishment be for that?!" Naruto yelled. Yeah, because who else would? "They would have to buy paint and paint over… The drawing." Kakashi said and I had massive problems holding my laughter back. "What the drawing of?..." Naruto asked, almost whispering the last word. "The school didn't want me to tell this, but it was a naked lady. She had huge boobs!" I couldn't hold my laughter back anymore.

"Ino, is this funny to you?" I was laughing so hard that I could only nod. "So what's so funny?" I tried to calm myself down. "The whole situation is just hilarious!" A few of the other students started laughing to. "Ino, why don't you go to his office and tell him just how funny it is?" I got up and picked up a hall pass before I went out.

Finding his office wasn't that hard, since I had paid a little visit before. I knocked and walked straight in. He was arguing with someone on the phone. I sat down on the chair on the other side of his desk. I crossed my legs and waited for him to be done.

"Love you too!" he said and hung up. "So…?" he said not sure why I was here. "My teacher wanted me to tell you that I laughed at your broken office." He started laughing. "I honestly don't mind it; I think it's really nice. It gives my office charm. So how you been?" How I've been? Ah, I'm honestly mad at him for treating me like this! "How come you're mad at me this time?" He didn't get an answer. "So you do mind sharing?" Maybe I should answer him, but I was mad. "Then let me guess, you're mad because I'm treating you like nothing happened." He got up and started walking around. "You feel really bad about it, because it's wrong right? You're not supposed to do anything like that. It's against the rules, so let me tell you this, I've checked. There isn't any rule that says that I can't date students. I'm not hired as a real teacher, I'm a substitute." Why the hell would he have checked this? Maybe he's afraid to get caught, I don't know. "You know, you could have made her hair longer." He said looking up at the drawing. I started laughing. "I honestly didn't know it was your office." He started laughing at that. "So did you do it alone?" Why not be honest? "I wasn't here alone, but it was me who made the painting." He nodded, looking away from it. "Let's say you have to come here… After school every day and help me with paperwork. I know it isn't cheap living alone, and I get to keep this piece of art."

"You almost shitted your pants!" I teased Sasuke. "I still can't believe you two did it…" Naruto said thinking. "It's not like we hurted anyone, and I'm used to doing stuff like this at my old school." Naruto was about to say something when Sakura bursted out. "See how see is, she's a nutcase!" I laughed at that. "Not more than Sasuke."


	16. I want you here with me!

So I did what I had to. I went to his office, what I was going to do I didn't know. Both Sasuke and I were glad I didn't tell on him. Not that I would ever tell on someone.

"Are you Christian?" He asked me. No, was my honest response. He just nodded. I didn't bother to ask him, he doesn't strike me as a religious person. "I've never felt like anyone wanted to help me in life, I don't think there is a God." He just nodded, "I understand…"

It was kinda scary sitting there. He didn't do anything, he just sat there resting his head on his hands. He looked so sad, like something was tormenting him from the inside. It's was just like Sasuke, just on the next level. Sasuke… "What are you smiling at?" he suddenly asked. "Smile and everybody will wonder what you're thinking… Well it's my friend," he just nodded once again. I don't think he wanted to talk, but he wanted company. "What are you so sad about?" I just had to ask. "When I was your age I was mad at everyone, I wanted to do something, be someone. Then I followed my dreams, I became too big so I stepped back with my wife and child. Now I'm divorcing her and fighting for my child. This isn't how I pictured my life. I was going to, be happy with myself." He said after a while. "What is life anyway?" He started smiling. "I've always pictured myself dead at this age…" Great, my teacher was suicidal. "The suicidal is the ultimate rebel."

Because words will never stop being, you can erase them, not understand them, but they'll always be there. Somewhere, in someone's mind, on object, in your heart and your soul. It's always there.

I've admitted to myself that there's never going to be Deidara and me. Never, it was never mean to be. Why even try when we're better off as friends. I do love him, but not as a boyfriend. Maybe I'm meant to be alone, luckily I have years to find the right one. Then again, who says that I have to find someone? I'm strong; I can take care of myself. I can, really. So why should I need anyone? And as I said, I'm still young.

Life really sucks… wish it didn't have to be so hard. You think it's easy, you think it's going to be okey. Then everything is okey for a short time, then life sucks even worse.

I called up Sasuke because I felt so alone. It took some time before he answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi…" I said. I didn't know what to say, I was having a hard enough time holding my tears back.

"So what is it that you want?"

"I want you Sasuke! I want you to be here with me!" I screamed.


	17. “Have You Eaten Today?”

So after I had called Sasuke that night we started going out. So I thought everything was going to be fine, perfect you know. I was happy with him, just not totally happy. There was something missing, it wasn't something he didn't do or anything. He was really kind, and treated me better than I've ever been treated. So why did I still feel this way. Maybe because Deidara realized that it was never going to be us to. That I've found someone better than him? I don't know, but it was something.

The good news is that the school year was soon over. It was summer, the weather was warm and the sun shinny. That brought me in a good mood. I like summer. I really do, it's just that something didn't feel right.

My stomach was hurting, Sasuke was making me eat. He's kind like that, even if it makes me feel like shit. I still know he's doing the right thing. I was wondering how everything is going to be when school ends. Thinking of how everything has changed.

Oh! I'm also going to move. The school is building dorms, for students who really needed it. I was one of them. They said they're going to be done a few weeks before school ends. Since I live alone I'm allowed to stay here in the summer. It's a really good thing because I'm falling behind on the rent. All the time! Not that I've been living there for so long. I wonder what's going to become of me.

"Ino?" Sasuke said and took my hand. "You're all gone." I smiled at him. Whatever made me deserve him? Me of everyone? Sakura isn't talking to any of us. She tried to steal Sasuke in the start, but it didn't really work. It was kinda funny. I kissed him. "Have you eaten today?" he asked. "Why can't you mind your own business? I can take care of myself!" I said pretending to be mad. "You being healthy have everything to do with my business." He was so stern and looked into my eyes. "I know you love me." I said and kissed him.

So today was the last day of detention. Isn't that great? I would usually just sit and do my homework. He would do some paperwork or argue with his wife on the phone. It wasn't going to be a happy ending there. "Last day, ha?" he said looking at me. "I have a boyfriend!" I said wide eyed. He nodded. "I've seen you to around, both of you look really happy." It was my turn to nod. "So you like him?" That was a silly question. "Yeah, he cares about me." He really, really does. "I'm seeing my daughter this week -end. Haven't seen that fat bean in ages." Who would call their daughter a fat bean? I started laughing silently. "Yeah, she's nine months now. Time really flies by." I was looking down on my hands. I didn't feel all too good. "Everything okey with you?" he asked concerned. "Yeah, I'm just feeling a bit dizzy." He got up from his chair. He went over to me and held out his hand. "Let's lay on the floor for a while." I took his hand and he helped me up. I lay down on the floor; he took my feet up on my chair. He took his jacked and folded it as a pillow for me and lay down next to me.

"I'm used to being dizzy and passing out, not as much as I used to, but still." I was looking up at the ceiling. "It's a bitch," I said holding my hand over my stomach. It really hurted. "It isn't easy, starving yourself." He said. "No," I said looking over at him. "It really hurts, but mostly mentally. Having a stomach that's hurting is a plus. It tells you that it's working… You know?" Yeah, I knew all too well. He looked over at me. "but you're way too pretty for this, the only way you could look better is if you put on some weight and start looking healthier." I did something I never should have done. I went for his lips.


	18. Empathy

How I was ever going to be able to look into Sasukes eyes again I didn't know. Why did I have to go and screw it up? I love Sasuke, he's kind, caring, funny and he's really, really hot. So I go and cheat on him with someone totally different. Do I really love Sasuke, it feels like something is missing with him. Like our love is empty, but I do love him. I really do, he feels like The One. So why did I have to go and fuckings cheat on him. I hate myself, I'm disgusted with myself.

If I should tell him or not was the question.

If he had cheated on me, something he would never do, I would have wanted him to tell me. If he had ever cheated it meant that something was wrong, and we could have worked on that. it would have hurted, and it wouldn't have been easy. Still, I would have done it for him. If he had cheated and hadn't told me… Then I would have been, extremely hurt. It would have felt as I wasn't good enough for him. Yet again, that's what I mean, not him. He seems so fragile, I don't know if he can handle it.

And it was just once.

I don't plan on cheating on him again. Never, I would rather die. I want to die because of what I did to him. How could I ever do anything like that? He would never do anything like that. He wouldn't even think about it, and I did it.

"What's wrong cutie?" Sasuke asked. We were sitting outside in the grass holding hands. He wouldn't be holding my hand if he knew, and he would be asking what was wrong with me. I really need to stop thinking about it. It was once and I'm never going to do it again. "I'm just thinking about the future…" I lied, it was that simple. "Us, two daughters and a son." Can't you just kill me right now?

I told Sasuke that I needed some time alone and went home. I wasn't sorry for it anymore. I just felt bad. I spent the rest of the day on my couch smoking. If only I liked coffee. That would make up an awesome diet. I fell asleep early that day.

So this is how everything is going. I just about as antisocial as one can be, I've stopped eating, falling behind on my homework.

I want to break up with Sasuke and quit school.

Then I could rot in this shitty place. The thing is that I wasn't really mad, sad, guilty or anything. I was empty, like I didn't have any energy to do something at all. Empathy.


	19. “I’M NOT HAPPY NOW!”

"You can't hide in here! We're all worried about you!" Naruto was outside my door. I was struggling to get up and let him in. "You look like hell!" he said. No wonder, I had been crying, and God knows when I brushed my hair last time. I bet my clothes were dirty. "I'm sorry," he said silently.

"Its okey, I do look like hell… I really need a shower too…"

Naruto started laughing. He did cheer me up a bit too. I hate my mood swings, not taking my meds really helped on it too. "You can come in, but it's a bit messy here… No, not really. It smells, but nothing more…" Naruto stepped in and looked around. Only reason why it wasn't messy was because I rarely made my way out of bed. I had been spending the last days in my bed instead of the couch. The way to my bathroom is shorter from the bed.

"So what have you been doing the last weeks?" Naruto asked. I raised my shoulder and told him, nothing. "So why haven't you been around. All of your friends are worried about you." Yeah, that I know. Deidara came over all the time knocking on my door. I would never answer or let him in. I've started admitting to myself that I can't hide forever, and I was out of soup.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked and sat down. Naruto nodded and sat down. The room was so dark, the curtains was closed and there was no other light. I grabbed Narutos hand in a tight grip. "You can't tell this to anyone, never…" Trying to ignore the pain he promised to never do so. "I cheated on Sasuke."

Everything went quiet. He looked wide eyed down on the floor. He didn't move. I couldn't even see him breathing. The whole thing was awkward, the tension, his reaction, the silence.

I just sat there, waiting for him to say something.

"Why? He loves you."

I was waiting for it. I had been trying to figure out why. Was it something Sasuke had done, or hadn't done? Had I really wanted to cheat on him? I hadn't found any answers.

"It was…" I started trying to make up something that sounded good.

"No! Do you know how much this is going to hurt him?! He's all worried about you! You've been hiding here because you ruined his life by cheating on him! You don't have any good reason for it! I bet you don't have one at all! You don't care about anyone else feelings! It's all about you being happy!"

"I'M NOT HAPPY NOW!" I scream to get Naruto to calm down. "We all do mistakes…"

Suddenly he hugged me.

"It's true. I'm sorry. I'm just so worried about everyone."

I started crying. I was so tired of this, and it felt good letting some of it out…

"You have to tell him. It's for the best."

"I don't think anyone can love me. That's why…"

We just sat there for a while, hugging and me crying.

I'm thinking about ending this story soon… I'm not going to mentally torture Ino anymore, if that's okey with you readers. So if anyone wants I can write a sequel. I have some good ideas so I bet I'm going to do it even if you want or not.

So! Something I've been terrible at is thanking for the reviews. I do read them, and the all warm my heart. Thank you… And as things are right now, Ino is going to end up with Sasuke, I say and spoil the big mystery. They could end up as friends too, and Ino could end up with hating Sasuke… Ooo, but yeah. There's some other surprises coming around the corner soon.

And again, thank you for every single review. When I first started writing I found out that I wasn't going to care if I got any reviews or not, but now I know that they make me so happy.

So thank you reviewers, and I can't forget the readers.


	20. Love Fighter Sasuke

A few days after Naruto visited I found my way to school. Didn't want to go out, but I didn't want to fail at school either so I went.

It felt like everyone was looking at me. It was so awkward. "Good job!" a boy yelled at me and laughed. What? I was totally confused. "Don't listen to them…" Naruto said. "But I don't get a thing…" I really felt sick. "Somehow Sasuke found out what you had done and with whom… So he went to beat him up, and yeah… Everybody figured it out." I just looked at Naruto. So the whole school knows that's great. "I just had to tell my father about it, and he had to fire him. I didn't say anything to Sasuke… Just that it was true…" I kept looking at Naruto, out of words. "I'm going home…" I said. Naruto grabbed my arm. "Don't go, I don't think Sasuke is that mad, and Deidara and his friends are asking for you. And so if everyone knows that you cheated on Sasuke… With a teacher. Most people think it's awesome."

Yes totally awesome. I agreed to stay, for Narutos sake. I wasn't really looking forward to class with Sasuke, but it didn't turn out that bad. He simply ignored me, I didn't mind right then.

At lunch I went to see Deidara. He ran up and hugged me. "You're the coolest thing that's ever happened to this school!" Why was everyone thinking that what I did was so great? "Thank you so much for doing that to my little brother. You should have seen the fight, he really was mad…" Itachi said. I didn't really say anything. "So what are your grades in his subjects?" I smacked Deidara for saying that, than I laughed. Maybe what I did wasn't that bad after all? Not if I talked things out with Sasuke.

He was sitting outside throwing rocks at the wall and innocent people passing by. I sat down next to him. None of us said anything for a while. "I'm not mad at you." He suddenly said. "I think my feelings are passed that, I just wish you could die." With that he went inside.

At the start of next class Kakashi used the first five minutes laughing at me and Sasuke. That was great, wasn't it? "Ah, let's drop the subject we're working on. Today we're going to have some sexual education."

Kill me right here and now!

"The only girl teams up with love fighter Sasuke."

Thanks, but I didn't mean mentally.

Sasuke was looking at me the whole class. It wasn't all that nice. His look kind told me he wanted to kill me. I bet he was hoping he could.

"Now remember you two love birds, wear protection and get tested once every half year." Kakashi said. "I bet I can't get pregnant, and I don't screw around with everyone, but lover boy told me he did once." Kakashi looked over at Sasuke. "You two are the cutest couple ever!"


	21. Sasuke, Smiling and Talking!

Three weeks later Sasuke hadn't said a word, I had quit music. I liked poetry so I still went, even if I hated the new teacher. She was old, conservative and deadly boring. The first time she looked at me she started yelling. Ah, I hate her. Something else that's new is that I've moved into the school apartments. I had to live with Deidara for a few days since I got kicked out of my old apartment. Living with Deidara is really funny. I love that blond thing.

It's amazing how much things have changed. I really like it here… if you look away from the rumors. I can deal with that. My friends tell me I'm too private, I never tell anything about my past. None of them seem to figure out that it might be a reason for that. I just laugh at it, they never make me tell anything.

When I had moved out I even have some money to spend. For the first time in ever! But everything wasn't great. I really miss Sasuke, and it hurts every time I see him! It's really terrible. Why do I have to like him! I'm also getting sick! I can't remember how many years since last time I've thrown up. Great eh? Yeah, it's great because it's life.

"Did you know that sharks have two penises?" Naruto said eagerly. I just laughed and said no. For no know reason I hugged him. "Thank you." Naruto was a bit shocked at the start, but he would never say no to a hug. Ah, Naruto is so warm. I could hug him forever. I rubbed my shoulder after breaking the hug. I missed old habits. It was so easy back then. Again we had moved to get away from it all. "Are you okey? Did I hug you too hard?" Naruto asked worried. "No, I'm just thinking." We went to class in silence.

Sasuke was sitting on his desk glaring at me. It wasn't the normal "I hope to blow up your head if I stare long and hard enough." I think our chances are screwed anyway. One thing was sure, I couldn't wait for school to be over. I'm so sick of it, teachers had finally found out that we hadn't really done anything this year. That meant that we had a massive load of homework every day, and just a few did them. I wasn't one of them, but Sasuke was one of them.

I really miss Sasuke. Wonder if he feels the same. Oh well, I screwed it up big time. I can't deny that. I don't think he'll ever forgive. AH! My head was hurting like hell! I was really tired too! Only a month and I could stay in bed all day if I wanted. Can't wait for school to be over with, or to just take a nap. So tired, so hungry, my life sucks. Wish I could… I don't know anymore, just forget everything and be happy. "Psss! Ino!" Naruto more or less yelled. I looked over at him and he was waving his arms. The teacher would never notice that. "Have you done your homework?!" He's so cute. "No!" I said. I could hear him swear to himself. "You should do your homework you know," Sasuke said smiling.

If he had talked to me or not I don't know. I woke up to Deidara and Naruto arguing. "OH?! You just like her for her body!" Naruto yelled. "Something wrong with that?! Look at her, she's a piece of art, and that's just one of the reasons I like her!" My head was really hurting. "Go fuck each other, blond fucktards!" I said trying to move. "You got to stop fainting!" Naruto said worried. "Yeah! You have to eat!" Oh, both suddenly so good at point out my flaws. Where was the comment about my ugly bloody swollen lip? Uch, I hate the taste of blood. "I have been eating more than ever, I've even gotten fat. Does that make you happy?!" They're so! They're so nice and caring. "Something you're not telling us?" Deidara asked. I moved over facing them. "Yeah, that you're really annoying and I'm fighting the urge to kill myself because of my headache."


	22. The Prime Time of Our Relationship

I heard the door opening behind me. "Get the fuck out! I said I don't feel like doing anything now!" I heard the door close behind me. All I want to do right now is to sleep, I don't need any morons hanging around me all day. "Why so mad?"No?! I turned around, kind of too fast. I bent over the bed and threw up. "Eeew!" Ah! Well done! I had thrown up on Sasuke. I closed my eyes hoping it would all go away. "Maybe there's no need to ask how you're feeling." I'm so stupid. "I'm so sorry! Honestly! I didn't know!" Sasuke shrugged and took off his short. That was a really mean thing to do. I mean! Really hot… Mean! Oh God! "I have a black shirt if you want. I'm really sorry!" Oh, talk about fucking it you. "No… There's no need." He dragged the chair up to the bed and sat down. "You told me to get the fuck out after all." I was looking up at the selling. "Mind if I smoke?" He asked fishing out a cigarette from his pocket. "Go ahead!" I had already disconnected the fire alarm. Safety first! "So the thing is," Sasuke started. I looked over at him. "You cheated on me, but I never asked you why? Or did I?" There you have if! "You were too nice to me… I mean! You never did anything wrong, I got bored…" Sasuke laughed. "You'll never believe this! I was that way because I tough you liked it! You cheating was like, the prime time of our relationship!" Fuck! He's perfect!

I had fallen asleep after that. What he had done after that I don't know. What he would do was more interesting to me. I got up on shaky legs. I had to find him. He would be at home I guess, or hope. I had to talk to him. I threw on a jacket and some shoes before I went out. It was cold, but my head was burning. I hate being sick. I see no reason why I should be. Maybe it was because of my cold. I was so sure I was done with the fainting. Then again, I was wrong. So cold, and I was getting tired. I found my old house, it seemed empty. Guess my father had move, had seen him in like forever anyway.

"Want me to kick off your head?!" Itachi yelled from the house next door. I went closer and sat down under what would be the living room window. "Itachi, we have talked about this. Hit, kick, leave, he can't handle more than that." Must have been their father. I felt a tear sliding down my face. I found a ladder and climbed up to his room. He always kept his window open, unless he felt like it was too many bugs outside. He told me he was terrified about swallowing one. He freaked out when I told him he would swallow 8 spiders or so in a year. I sat down on his bed waiting. His room hadn't changed much. It was simple, nothing on the wall. Oh! Except this one picture, but only the back was showing. Then there was his always tidy desk, closet and bed. That's all. He liked it simple and clean.

I woke up after dreaming about a dog with face of Narutos father dry humping me. I have issues, but he's hot. Sasuke was lying next to me with his arm around me. He was so cute, so woundable, like everything could hurt him. He was so fragile. He had some blood dripping down from his mouth, couldn't have been long since he came here. I feel so sorry for him. I would have never guessed that Itachi could do anything like that, and I hate him for it, and I hate myself more for cheating on Sasuke. No matter if he had found it… Exciting or not. I couldn't help myself and kissed him. He moved slightly. "I'm glad you're here, Ino."


	23. It's Going to be a Great Next Year

"Sasuke, are you gravity, because you're pulling me down!" He laughed and kissed me. Yeah, we're back together. Much to Kakashis dismay. He had to find new victims to torture. "What has black and blond hair and is moving around on the ground?" Sasuke asked. I pulled my hand to my face thinking when he jumped me. "It's a Sasuke attacking an Ino!" he said giggling. "One day, I might throw up," Naruto said with a smile. "Yeah! Everyone can see that they don't fit together!" Sakura followed. I accidently kicked her screwing around on the ground. "It's been a great school year," Naruto said leaning back against a tree. "Two more to go," Sasuke said moving away from me. I took a hold of his hand and pulled up. "We'll make it two great years!" I said happily.

I could feel the sun on my neck sitting in class. Kakashi was talking about how good we had been the last month. "Good news! I'm going to be your teacher next year!" Naruto jumped up, "undress me!" He had been looking for a catch line for weeks now. The whole class started laughing at his outburst. Kakashi was looking wide eyed at him. "Well… As I said, we're more or less done with this school year. It has been… Interesting you could say," he rubbed the back of his head. "Cheating, break ups, Naruto getting stuck everywhere." Naruto got up again. "It was only the window, desk and sink!" People started laughing again. I remembered when he got stuck in the desk. He was reaching for his pen when his head got stuck between two metal poles. "Something tells me next year is going to be worse. Now, go out in the sun, have an early lunch."

I was slowly eating some cookies thinking about next year. I felt so unsure about things. When would Sasuke grow bored of me, what class am I going to end up in? I had picked medical, l only other person I knew who did the same is Sakura. She hates me big time. "I'm going to get some water," Sasuke said walking off. "Know what I want?" I said. "Noodles?!" Naruto screamed out. "Ice cream," I said with a smile. I love ice cream.

When lunch started Deidara came out and sat down next to me. "So, a year over hot blond." He received the glare of death from Sasuke, but ignored it. "Looks like it, so where will you be going to school over the summer?" I had never dared to ask him. I was going to miss our late time movies, failed dinners and ordering pizza. "Since they're so great at planning, they built four schools here you know." I looked up at him. "Four schools?" He laughed a little. "Grade school, high school, collage and a university, you didn't know? There's like, tons of people here you know. So, since I would miss the awkward moments finding our underwear in my laundry so much I'm staying here." Hearing him say staying felt so good. I felt my body fill with joy as I jumped on him hugging the breath out of him. "I was so sure it was goodbye after the summer. Next year is really going to be great." Sasuke felt anger raising when he got up to go and fill his water bottle.

Sakura rushed after him, pouring out her water on the way. "Sasuke! Wait!" He just continued walking ignoring her, so he had to run after him. "That was like, I mean, really, honestly, I could feel their love for each other. Since you know what she's done before, you know. I'm sure she wouldn't mind doing it again!" Sakura looked at him with hopeful eyes. "Next year is going to be great, yeah…" Sasuke said.

There's going to be a next year if anyone want is. I'm going to make longer chapters, more details, and everything isn't going to happen and be over so fast. More or less, next year is going to be great.

So thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. It's been a great joy.

Thanks to Vampirebunnygirl for all the reviews. Thank you so much, I enjoyed each and every one of them.

Thanks to fruitpunch123451, Itachi lover2468, kngrulz for helping me decide who Ino should go for. Oh! And thanks for the other comments kngrulz.

Thanks to Ino Y. Uchiha and .blood for telling me to continue.

Also thanks to yudhi, love you too.

So now! I'm finished this, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a second year. I have great plans. :3

Thanks for reading again, and the reviews.


	24. Meeting an Old Friend

I was deciding what basket of strawberries to pick when I saw him. He hadn't changed that much since the last time I saw him, he just looked a lot more tired. I turned my back on him, didn't want him to see me. I'm not sure if I should, it's like when you're on a budget, if you slip once you're sure to do it again. I just couldn't help myself and turned around standing face to face to him. "Hi," I slowly said. The whole thing was uncomfortable. None of really knew what to say. "I got back with my wife," he said showing me his wedding ring. "That's great, now you can spend more time with your daughter."

I felt real bad when I sat next to Sasuke later that day. Like I had cheated. Still I hadn't. I felt really tense. Maybe he noticed, he didn't say anything about it. The whole thing didn't feel right. He turned his head. Now it was all going down. Now everything would change. I could see it in his eyes. It was over, his facial expression. "I'm moving. I'm going away for a year after the summer. I felt everything breaking. I felt like throwing up. I had to. I got up on my feet and ran for the closest toilet. I didn't make it so I had to throw up behind a bush. Maybe one of the things I remember the most. I felt a hand holding my hair back. He must have gone after me. It made me feel better. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Disgusting. I heard someone running. It wasn't Sasuke. It was him. His hair was shinning in the sun; he looked like a thousand suns. I couldn't help looking at him as Sasuke dragged me away. "He's back with his wife." That would cause me trouble.

He had asked me how I knew that. I didn't want to lie so I had told him. He hadn't liked it. I had ended up in Deidaras arms crying. I'm sure I was overreacting, but he had slapped me. It also felt good crying in his arms. He didn't want to know why, he just wanted me to feel better. Why can't every boy be like him? The world would have been much better.

I woke up a few hours later. He was still holding around me. He's so sweet. "Sorry and thank you." I said still half asleep. He just laughed and looked down at me. "You know I would do anything for me. That's why I'm here, I'm always going to be here."


	25. Just Talk To Me

I felt calm waking up later that morning trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes before opening them. I let out a yawn stretching my hands hitting something. It was soft, yet kind of hard at the same time. I heard some groaning above my head and jumped up. "Now you made it bleed!" Deidara said holding his nose. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" I yelled out worried. He looked up and started laughing. My face dropped and I got mad. "No! I was trying to take a mental picture of your expression!" Ignoring that blond idiot I went out to the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat. "Deidara! Why do you have like, 20 boxes of ham?" I yelled so he could hear me when someone hugged me from behind. "They were on sale, I like ham." I was trying to shake him of, finding out, surprisingly enough, that he was much stronger than me. "You can't do that!" I said annoyed. "Why not?" I could feel him looking at me. "I might get blood on me and then I would get hungry for human blood and all that stuff." He let out a short laugh. "Someone has been reading too much Twilight." I wanted to throw some ham at him, but I didn't. The ham was hermetic, and I had hurted him enough that morning.

During breakfast Deidara commented on me eating as much as a koala at the speed of a turtle. Little must he know about turtles, they do in fact eat fast, but I'm glad he didn't say anything about a weight gain. "So what are your plans for today?" I asked him. "I don't know really, hang around, fight crime, buy some milk, steal a car, smoke some weed, or maybe just watch some movies or something. What about you? Hanging with Snow White?" I started moving crumbles around on my plate. "Hey, is that why you where crying last night? Did you guys end it, did he do anything thing to you?" I looked up at him. He looked concerned, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. "It's just that he's going away after the summer." He didn't buy it, I could see it. "That would make you cry in his arms, not mine. There's something that you're not telling me." I looked away. Not answering.

I stayed with Deidara that day, watching old movies. I didn't pay any attention to what was going on. I had to turn off my phone, Sasuke kept calling me. I wasn't ready to deal with that yet. I think we were watching Fifteen and Pregnant when I felt sick. Never trust a student when it comes to "fresh" food. God know what you might end up eating. Not even sure if Deidara noticed that I ran to the bathroom I bent over the toilet bowl. "Ino! You're missing out. She's making a new friend after she lost all her old ones!" I got up from my knees and washed my face. "Sorry that the bad food you gave me is making me sick." I answered. "I don't know what you're used to princess, but my food is fine I tell you."

I found some roses in front of my door when I got home that evening. They were from Sasuke apologizing. He said he only slapped me because he was afraid to lose me. Right, bite me is all I had to say to him. Yet I knew I couldn't live without him. The magical, horrible spell of love. I put the roses in front of the neighbor's door and threw away the card. It always seems such a waste to me, to just throw away good flowers.

Something I love and hate about the summer is the light nights. You're never sure what time it is, so you'll be sitting up all night. That's what I had been doing, sitting in the winding looking at the message from Sasuke.

Please just talk to me, I love you.


	26. What a Summer Baby!

I wasn't able to sleep that night. If it was because I had been sleeping so much last night or if I had too much to think about… I'm not sure. No matter what I did, I just couldn't rest. I was tired, I really was, and still I wasn't able to sleep. Ah! Life! So annoying. I tried knocking the wall to see if Deidara was awake on the other side. The response was negative. I hate sleepless nights! I hate summer nights! I twisted around kicking the wall with my feet to wake him up this time. I let out a shriek of annoyance. I kicked some more before I heard a weak knock between my kicking.

I went to his door and waited for him to open it. He took his time so I started knocking. "Calm down! I'm coming!" he said sounding like he just woke up, something he had so it was only fair. "I couldn't sleep." I said when he opened the door. "Oh, not everyone has that problem you know." I walked straight in ignoring him. I was seriously frustrated with life and started walking around. "So what's bothering you?" I closed my eyes. "Everything, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I feel for him." Deidara walked over and hugged me. Never had a hug felt so good. "So him being Mr. Piratepants?" I hugged him back. "Why do you always have to call him names?" I don't know, I think I was looking for reasons to get angry at him. "Does it bother you?" That was the best he could come up with? "No! No! I mean! He has a name you know! You don't have to be a fucking dick because he's better than you!" Maybe hurting his feelings would make me feel better. I could feel him responding to my words. I could feel his heart breaking. "I didn't mean it! He slapped me!" I started crying. He just kept on hugging me and trying to calm me down. "Can I sleep with you? I don't want to sleep alone."

So for the second time I ended up sleeping with Deidara, or just close to him. I agreed to meet Sasuke when I woke up again. Deidara was out shopping, and then he was going out with some friends. Thanks for the support. It had been raining when I went to bed, now the sun was shining outside. I chose to take that as a good sign. He was wearing his suit shirt and tight black pirate pants. I went up to him and wasn't sure what to do. I kept looking at this singing bird when he spoke; "It's okey. I forgive you." I couldn't help looking at him now. He was forgiving me? For what? "Just don't hang with guys anymore, and we'll get over this." I wasn't sure what he was thinking, so I kept staring at him. "You forgive me?" He nodded. "For being such a horny cheating slut." It was something about the way he was saying it too. Like he was telling me about some TV show he saw last might. "What the fuck is wrong with you? What's up with you acting like a normal sane boyfriend and now this?" He was looking at me with big eyes. "You're right, I haven't been acting normal. Want to go to my place and watch a movie. No, that's true. My brother is having some friends over. Don't want you meeting any guys. We all know how that ends." I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. So I chose to leave. "I don't like this change, but I'm not going to put up with this." I was about to turn around and go when Sasuke grabbed my hand. He placed it on his chin and it looked like he was on the verge of tears. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I never did, I loved you." And I knew he did. I knew he loved me, and I loved him.

My day had turned out great. Sasuke didn't insult me anymore; he just gave me glares every now and then. I could deal with that, I would deal with a lot for his sake. Ah! I'm turning in to those brainless girlfriends who can't do anything without their boyfriends. Still it felt great, like I was trusting one person with my life. I just hoped it was the right person, it is the right person. I walked right past Deidara. By the look of it, he was drunk. He was struggling to get his key in the keyhole. The idea of any other boy than Sasuke sickened me. I did spend too much time with other males. It wasn't fair, because he didn't do that to me. I was able to sleep that night. I had nothing to think about. No worries. Everything was clear to me.

Now it was Deidaras turn to wake me up. He did so around four in the morning. I tried to be quiet, thinking he would stop knocking. It did so for a while. A few minutes later the knocking had moved over to my door. "I know you're in there!" He yelled. "That doesn't mean anything if I don't want you here!" I yelled in response. "Ino, what is wrong with you? 24 hours ago you where more or less throwing yourself in my arms." I smiled. "I liked that hug." Maybe cutting him of was stupid. It was, who is Sasuke to tell me who I can and cannot see? "I liked it too," Deidara said when I opened up. He smelled of alcohol. God, all the things I would do for a bottle of vodka. I didn't have anything, so I didn't get that far. "Do you have anything to drink?" I asked Deidara. "I have some beers." I sighed. "Wait!" He said "beer is too simple for you!" He slammed his arm on my back and dragged me close. "What a summer baby! What a summer!"


	27. Whatever Makes You Happy

" I knew that you were thinking of him last night! 'Cos I saw the blood seep down to your toes. Yes, hideaway if you must, but how can you put your trust in a man who always wears pirate pants? And she's half in love with Mr. Piratepants and I like to think she's half in love with me! Yes I tell you! Half in love with me!" Deidara was sitting on my kitchen chair singing. Singing about me, yeah he was drunk out of his mind. "What do you see in him? He's no good, he doesn't treat you right. Can't you see that I love you?" He yelled the last part. I answered him with an empty gaze. "I'm sorry. I just see that he's hurting you. I love you so much, seeing you like this is making me sad too!" He was crying now. I got up and offered him my hand. "Let's go to bed now. You're tired." I found it smart to pick up a bucket on our way to the bed. "Ino, why don't you ever look me in the eyes?" He was so full of questions, silly questions. "What do you want me to say?" I gave him a question so I didn't have to answer myself. "Whatever makes you happy!" I decided to tell him the truth. "I'm afraid I'll end up doing something stupid." I laid down in the bed. He followed. "Something stupid like?" I didn't know, so I told him so. "So, something stupid like finding out just how much you like me?" We were facing each other now. "I don't have that kind of feelings for you, I've told you." He looked into my eyes, I looked into his. "Just try it." He leaned in and kissed me, I didn't resist. He tasted like whiskey and sweet fruit, an odd mixture on cold lips. Out of nowhere his hand had traveled under my shirt, the slightest touch made me arch my back. I had to stop, and broke the kiss. "I can't." I said. He looked at me with confused eyes. "Break things off with him." I shook my head no. "I love him." He started kissing me again so I had to push him away. "No Deidara, you're drunk. Let's sleep now."

I woke up when something moved under my shirt. I was freaking out before I remembered last night and that Deidara never moved his hand. The poor man was now using the bucket I had put out. I was giving me the same want to throw up, but I tried fighting it. So I just lay there, looking up in the ceiling. "Ah, shit! My head! I'm never drinking again! No, screw that. I need something to cure this hangover with." Deidara said. "Drinking to get rid of a hangover is a good sign that you're becoming an alcoholic you know?" I said. We both laughed for a while. It wasn't even that funny. Maybe we laughed because it was true, maybe we laughed because we didn't know what else to do. Deidara held up his hand and looked at it. "We… We didn't do anything, did we?" He moved his gaze looking at me. "No, I'm not going to cheat again. I've learned." Deidara snuffled, "He doesn't deserve it." I didn't want to go down that road, so I stayed quiet. "How come you smell so sweet, even when you're allergic to perfume?" I got up from bed. "I don't know, but I'm hungry." I told moving over to the kitchen. "And you have nothing to drink?" Deidara asked coming after. "Nah, then I would have been drunk too last night." He gave out a small laugh. "I'm so taking you with me next time." I yawned telling him I was looking forward to it. "It might in fact be later today. Itachi is home alone." I looked at him. "Yes, all alone. Mr. Piratepants went along with their parents." I found something we could eat.

"How come no matter what, you're so pale?" Deidara asked. We were on our way to Itachi. "How come you always ask such dumb questions?" Deidara yelled out something about me being mean, then we laughed. My good mood dropped when I started thinking about Sasuke. I am too close to Deidara, but he didn't even care enough to tell me he was leaving. Deidara was my friend, I wouldn't mind if he had friends that were girls. I was ripped out of my thoughts when Deidara lifted me over his head and ran the last way up to Itachis house and used my head to ring the door bell. "I've plundered a liqueur shop and found a virgin to rape on my way!" He said pretending to be a pirate. "Meep! No virgin!" Itachi said with his normal stone face. Deidara pretended not to care and laughed. "And he's really smooth about it. I don't love you! I don't love you, bitch!" He let out a small rusty laugh. "Nah, you've been having wet dreams again big brother. Me and Sasuke have never done it." Deidara put me down. "I'm sure Deidara know he's been doing it. Just keep it quiet next time. Our poor mother doesn't know where to hide when you're at your top." He turned around. "I swear, never done that here. Sasuke is also sweet. He would never say that he doesn't love me." Itachi held up two fingers waving them a little. "Whatever makes you and your prince charming sleep at night. Judging from the sounds. It's needed." I turned around to look at Deidara. "What's up with him?" He looked so sad, like something had died inside of him. "Can't you tell by all that talking? He's way drunk." He walked past me. "It isn't true! What he said!" Deidara stopped. "I know you guys have been… Active… Itachi have no reason to lie."

When I got down to the basement. I really got the guys home alone feeling. They were all sitting in a circle with a table in the middle. Most of them were yelling for hypothermia to chug down his wine bottle. "You haven't met everyone here!" Itachi stated and put his arm around me. "Fish sticks is Kisame, red head Sasori, tan guy Kakuzu, white haired Hidan, blow-up doll Sally Ann!" Itachi said pointing at them. I've meet most of them before. This Hidan guy grabbed my arm and kissed it. "Bonjour, Madame." I sat down next to him. "Tu parle francaise?" He kissed my arm once again. "Huit, ma petit fleur." Deidara jumped down on the other side again. Kisame had lost all his attention as it was only Itachi who was still chairing for him. "You can't speak French for shit!" Kakuzu told Hidan. "I've learned it at school, mono-face!" He yelled back. "It's only something he learned to pick up girls," Kakuzu mumbled. "What would the lady have to drink?" Hidan asked. "She only drinks vodka!" Deidara said. "Don't be so grouchy, you have your girl," He said giving me a glass. I didn't care if Deidara had a girl, or if Hidan was talking about me as some sort of object. I just wanted to get drunk so I could stop wondering if Sasuke had cheated on me or not. "You're not taking her home!" Deidara said being protective realizing that bringing me here was a mistake in so many ways.


	28. What If I Want You!

After five shots of vodka my word was spinning around. Hidan and I had gone outside for a cigarette. "So what's your and Deidaras story?" he asked pretending just to strike small talk. "Heh, trust me. He's going to make sure I'm going home to my place." I sat down finding up too hard to stand. "So he's your?" Hidan was leaning against a pole, not quit as drunk as me. "He's my best friend who loves me and is sure that I love him too." Hidan blew out some smoke. "Man, that's fucked up. That means you're single?" I drank some Yellow Tail wine. "My turn to ask questions. What did you mean that Deidara has a girl?" The liquorish taste wasn't all that bad. "That he has a girl he can call when he needs it, no relationship mess. He's lucky." I was finishing my cigarette. "Wow, what girl would want that? The guy I can understand to some limits." Hidan snorted. "You'd be surprised of how many. Relationships aren't cool enough anymore. What do you think?" I spend some few seconds thinking. "Relationships can be heaven or hell, there's nothing between, except boredom." Hidan bowed, and amazingly enough keeping his balance. "Wise words my dear, wise words. Me myself don't like being tied down." I suddenly felt like I needed to have him. "Then again, I've never tried. Wanna show me?" He didn't look all that bad. Falling into old habits I didn't care if I was throwing myself away like that. "I think it's about time we go home now Ino," Deidara said standing behind me. "Party pooper, she was a fine one," he said to himself walking back inside. "It was a big mistake taking you here. I knew I shouldn't have done it."

"Can you sit here while I go inside and buy something?" I nodded my head, I was so nauseous. He was still sober, or sober enough, so he was helping me getting home. It was in its place too, thinking that he was the one dragging me out. "You okey? Looks like you're going to throw up." It sure felt like it too "I'm fine when I'm with you." I snuggled into him. He smelled like sweet fruits and strawberries again.

"Are you awake?" It was Deidara, I was just smiling. "Just daydreaming about you," I said. He put me down on something much to my annoyance. He felt so good, and warm. "I'm letting you have the bed, and I'll sleep right over there on the sofa. Okey?" I got up on shaky legs and kissed him. "Let's sleep now, Ino." We had changed roles. "But I need you." He took my hands and I started kissing him down his neck. "I love you, I need you." He was trying to ignore the kisses. "Don't play with my feeling!" He was upset. I had made him sad. I had to convince him, let him know how much I needed him. "I do love you, and I do need you!" I started opening his shirt. He was giving in. "Ino, you're drunk." I moved on to kissing his chest. "I know what I want, I've wanted it for so long now." I took of my tights. He was so unsure if he was going to leave or not.

He knew what he wanted. Still he was sure better than Hidan. Wasting his time he didn't notice that I had slipped off my dress and was now working on his pants. "Ino, you should stop now!" He hoped I would, since he was too weak to walk away himself. "You're always so nice to me, I have to repay you." His eyes of pity meet mine of fear. He got down on his knees so that we were on the same level. He was running his fingers through my hair as one only would do to loved one. I was biting my lover lip. I was so scared that I was on the verge of tears. I didn't know what to do. I was so unsure. "Who ever said you have to repay me? I'm nice to you because I love you. I don't want all this if you don't want it." I was crying now. "But I wanted to make you happy, in ways only she does." I was biting down hard on my lip. "Who is she?" No blood would come. "They girl you call to fuck when I'm not good enough!" Deidara tried shushing me to calm me down. "We're not in a relationship, you're with Sasuke. Remember, he loves you. He's the one you want." I started hitting his shoulders. "What if I want you?"


	29. From Minus To Plus

The birds were singing outside. I'm not sure if I love summer anymore. I threw myself out of the bed and made a run for the bathroom. I really have new found sympathy for bulimics. I would be able to live as one. No way in hell.

Finding Deidara in the kitchen I, by the looks of his face, regretted whatever I had said or done that might. I miss the time we were shoveling cucumbers down each others throat. I was feeling sick, sick of guilt. "I didn't make you anything to eat seeing you only complain about my food." I looked down muttering sorry. I felt like a puppy getting yelled at for peeing in the corner. "Do you remember much of last night?"I was honest and told him no. "Then I'm going to pretend it didn't happen." I would have asked what it was, but I had a really bad feeling. "Can I ask you something personal?" I was first now noticed that he was wearing his reading glasses. His glasses made him an easy victim among his friends, so he only used them at home. He folded the paper. I wonder how long he had been up. He had made himself some tea, I would have drunk the rest in he's cup. Yet again, really bad feeling. What had I done last night? Had we? No, I think that would make him happy. Now he was all tense and serious.

"Do you and Sasuke use protection?" That part of the evening I remember. Well, the part when Itachi claimed that I had slept with Sasuke in their house. The idea of someone else being up there with him was too much to handle so I had to sit down. "I told him that me being a anorectic bitch ruined every chance I had to get pregnant, but he wanted to be on the safe side." He closed his eyes. He didn't quit know how to break the news. "Can I ask you a favor?" He found a bag and placed a pregnancy test in front of me. "Did you knock someone up?" I asked with a nervous laughter. "It's for you," he said. I already knew that. "But I'm not pregnant. See, I can't get pregnant. Eating disorders do that to you." He looked down at the box. "Ever got that proved? The test is right there. It doesn't hurt you to take it. I'm not going to ask who's it is." I got up and brought the test with me to the bathroom. I didn't need a stupid test. I couldn't be. I went out of the bathroom and decided to use the next 20 minutes being pissed off at Deidara.

"You can't say that you're missing the signs here." I didn't answer so he decided to list them. "You have to pee every third hour, you have gained a little weight, nausea, you throwing up all the time, smells making you vomit and the fact that you hardly find the energy to move over here to watch movies with me. I was ready to prove him wrong. "I've gained weight because I'm eating much more. That's also why I have to use the bathroom so often. Sometimes I over eat and have to throw up, and since I go around being full all the time smells can make me sick and I'm not used to so much food I'm tired. Anything more you want to throw at me?" He was a bit unsure. "You might hide it with make-up, but I've seen you without. Your skin isn't all that clean, your breasts went from medium to huge, and list night you were about to go home someone you just met, and was about to rape me while being an emotionally crying mess!" Deidara yelled out frustrated. Once again I started crying.

When the twenty minutes were up I looked at Deidara who had been walking around the whole time. I didn't want to go alone, and it didn't look like he wanted to go with me. I got up and to my surprise he followed. "No matter what, it's going to be fine." I felt so brave when I picked up the test and looked at it. "Negative means that I'm not pregnant right?" Mhm, came the response from behind. We both watched as the minus sign slowly turned into plus.

_**Props to **__**I. Kiryuu for finding out that Ino was pregnant before I even wrote it. And thank you for all your reviews. I love reading them :}**_


	30. Acting Like Every Normal Couple

"It's not the end…" Deidara said unsure of my reaction. "Nah, I'll have an abortion." I wiped away a tear. "You can't just kill it!" Deidara said. He placed a hand on my stomach. "Don't you think everyone should have the right to live? There's someone inside there, Ino you can't just take it away without thinking about it." Anti-abortion assholes. "I do think that everyone should have the right to have a good life. What do I have to give? If I have this baby I can't finish school, then I won't have a place to live, and it's not like I can work." Why not remove a life instead of running two? "You can live here, study from home and I'll get a second job again." I shoved his hand away. "Me living here would be against the rules. It'll get us both kicked out, and I can't do that to you." He was getting mad now. "Then let the father take some responsibilities! Sasuke lives in a pretty big house you know!" I turned around and hugged him. "It's not even my boyfriends baby, how do you think that makes me feel?" The news where sinking in now. "If you know who the father is, talk to him. If things don't work out, I'm here." I was too upset to ever care about the if. "You know the almost raping you part?" I asked. Mhm was his response. "We both know it wouldn't have been rape."

I was wondering what I should tell Sasuke, or if I should tell him. No, I have to tell him. It was the right thing to do. I was waiting for him on the harbor as we agreed. One thing I loved about the summer was strawberries. I was glad the ones I had bought were more sour than sweet. Everything sweet made me feel sick. "Ino?" I turned around to see Sasuke. He sat down next to me. Unsure what to do I offered him some strawberries. "They look delicious as you do." He kissed my cheek before he started eating. "You could have told me that you were going away." We were both looking straight ahead. "I thought we needed a break. I was afraid you wouldn't have cared." He was so insecure. Not sure if I could really love him. "I've been missing you." Missed and missed more worrying sick about how this would turn out. "I'm sorry for what I did."

Sasuke and I ended up spending the day acting like every normal couple. We feed the birds, sat down in the park we even kissed. I had missed his kisses. No other kiss made me feel like that, like something started beneath your stomach taking a trip around it, up your torso before ending up in your head. Making everything tickle with excitement. I think it's called being in love.

I was so tired when I got home I figured I was still was full on that muffin I had eaten with Sasuke earlier today. He seemed to have turned back into the old Sasuke. I don't know what had gotten over him. I fell asleep to the idea that he was just having his period. I drifted into sleep dreaming of nothing more than him.

Still groggy from sleep and with a stomach ace that told me I was hungry, I unsteaily walked over to the kitchen. Seeing someone sitting there I jumped backwards and landed on my butt. "Fuck Deidara!" I yelled. He seemed slightly amused by my fall. "Yeah, that's right. Just laugh!" I rubbed my eyes hoping my vision wouldn't be so foggy anymore. "Have you ordered a doctor appointment?" I looked in the mini-fridge to see if anything tempted my taste buds. "No, why should I?" I settled with some tomatoes. "Why? You're a pregnant recovering anorexic who's been smoking and drinking." I closed my eyes and smiled. "Wouldn't mind having something to drink right now." Deidara was tired of me being so irresponsible. "Ino, take this seriously!" I rolled my eyes. "I didn't say I would drink. God!" Deidara mumbled something. "We're going to the doctor in about three hours. I called yesterday." Thanks for taking over my life!


	31. Shoe Shopping

Deidara was so controlling. He was acting more like he was the father, or maybe my father… Let's say it was some disturbing mixture. I was waiting for the doctor to come. He came in with his head stuck in some papers. "Let's see, Ino. 17 and pregnant, you're one of those. Hope that's your first time, as young as you are." Yeah, he was an old one. "How long since the conception, if you know that." I looked over at him. "I'm not a whore, it's been eight weeks." He started hitting the papers with his pen. "Interesting medical record you have here. You've been drinking the last ten weeks?" . "Yes, and smoking but I've been eating if that's interesting." He was just nodding. "How does gaining 30-40 pounds making you feel?" That's like, one third of my normal bodyweight. "I'm not having it." He just nodded. "So you're killing your baby so it won't ruin your body?" Who the fuck was this guy? "No! That's not the reason! As you said, I'm young." Thinking he was so much better than me. "Then you had unprotected sex and the easiest way not to having to deal with the problem it caused is killing a baby?" He was looking at me now. "Are you even allowed to say that as a doctor?" He put his papers down. "You know I'm right."

He patted the space behind me. Now lay down. "From next week it's a fetus." I did as I was told and looked straight up in his face. "Now let's open your top." I did as he said and looked with him with poison in my eyes. "Oh, didn't think someone like you would be wearing a bra." No, this was ! "I'm here because I'm pregnant, where did me wearing a bra get in the picture?" He looked at me as I should have known. "I need to see if they're developing the right way." I unhooked the bra straps at the front and opened it in the back. His definition on "see" was groping my breast as soon as the bra was off. I arched my back mostly in surprise. "Try and control your lust now woman!" I'm never seeing this doctor again. "It's not lust! It's disgust" I didn't expect a full frontal attack!" He was finished after a few minutes. "They feel fine." I didn't waste any time getting dressed. "Your early symptoms will leave in two weeks or so. You need to stay healthy, eat right, and get enough vitamins. Your drinking and smoking, we just have to wait and see. No, that's right you're a baby killer. You don't need to worry about that. Since you took blood test before I came you're free to go. Should I put you up for a baby killing appointment?" I jumped down. "Hell no!" I yelled and ran out.

I gave the woman in the desk what I owed and went to find Deidara. He was reading some woman magazine. By the look of it I would say he was deeply interested. I stood there watching him finish reading. I didn't know why he felt that he had to hide the fact that he read a lot. It made him look good. Why couldn't he give me the same feelings as Sasuke? The doctor taking me for some sort of mattress made me think about yet another problem. I had to talk to the father. He who had just gotten back with his wife, and now his one year old daughter, whowas going to have a half sister. "Ino?" Deidara was standing right in front of me. He scared me, but not as much as he had this morning.

"I wanna go shoe shopping!" I said as me and Deidara was driving home. "Do you think I want to go shoe shopping?" Deidara asked. I whined. "I didn't want to go to the doctor, but I went!" Deidara was just shaking his head. "It's so not the same." I turned my upper body against him and leaned over. "Deidara! I wanna go shoe shopping! Please! Please! An hour that is all I'm asking! Please! I _**need **_new shoes! I'll be good! I won't ask for anything else! Don't be so mean!" Nothing seemed to work. We had been friends for too long. When I was first getting to know him he would give in after only three pleases. Now he was immune. "I haven't asked for anything in like forever!" I pouted sticking out my bottom lip. Deidara wasn't even looking at me. He was driving, but still he didn't even give me a little glance.

I started hitting the car seat and stumping with my feet. I was too used to get whatever I wanted. I started screaming. I felt so angry at Deidara and more or less everyone. "Ino, calm down. You're acting like a child." That was all he had to say. He sounded tired yet his voice was so cold and without any emotions. "Now, isn't that better?" I had calmed down. "I'm hungry. Can we at least stop for ice cream?" I was really tired after my fit, most of all I felt like sleeping. "You need to eat, so ice cream is better than nothing!" Everything was fine now so I looked out the window and smiled. I was out the door as soon as he parked his little Volkswagen Golf and ran inside. I had already gotten my ice cream when he came. "Happy now?" I just gave him my biggest smile and laughed. "What would you have done; Licked clean Kisame after he had been wrestling in the mud with Itachi or would you convince your friends that you're intact are a girl, have a crush on Sasuke and asked Itachi to marry him?" I said licking my ice cream. Deidara stared at me in horror. "That question scared me in so many ways. I don't think I'll ever be the same." I started giggling and he laughed with me. "Since we're already at the mall… Can we go shoe shopping now?"


	32. You're Perfect

I was looking at my new shoes when it came to mind that for the first time in my life I wasn't able to buy myself happiness. Yes, the shoes were pretty, but nothing more. I had gotten it my way, but some part of me felt bad for making Deidara go with me. He didn't look happy. He hadn't been happy, and it hurted me to know that he was unhappy. In the end they were nothing but shoes. No solution to my problems. Maybe a dress would have done the job. I should be saving my money. I was going to need them for later. I decided that even if I was tired to meet Sasuke. He had texted me earlier asking what I was doing and I asked him if I could come over.

Itachi was the one who opened the door. "I don't love you! Ah! Ah!" was his greeting. "That's not us I told you!" He held his wrists together "That's a lot of bull…" He brought his wrists to his mouth and made farting sounds. "Stop saying that or I'll push a squash so far up your ass it comes out your nostril! How you're asking, they aren't that long. You know what? I'll spend the rest of my fucking life growing one!" His three days beard made a raspy sound against his fingers as he was stroking his chin. He did look a lot better unshaved. "Oh! That made me so turned on! Let's go downstairs and have some real funny before my little brother finds you." I leaned over and whispered in his ear. "That offer gave my urges, Itachi… My knee can't wait to meet your nuts." I, with no sympathy, smashed my knee in his groin. He made some interesting sounds and almost fell down on the floor so I gave him a hand.

I went smiling up to Sasukes room. It looked like he was sleeping but opened his eyes when I came in. I felt such joy when he smiled at me. I loved the feeling, and Sasuke was so cute when he was smiling. "You made it!" he said. I sat down next to him on the bed. I kissed him. "How was your day?" He just shrugged. "I know the feeling!" I said. I didn't know what more to say. Things were a bit tense between us. "I hear that System of a Down is making a new album…" Sasuke said slowly. "They are?" I said exited. Sasuke smiled and nodded. "That's about time!" We started talking about music. We agreed that punk was better than metal when Sasuke looked at his watch. "We were going to meet Naruto and Sakura at Taco Bell fifteen minutes ago." He gave a nervous laugh. "Nhhh!" I didn't want to get up. I wanted to go to bed. Sasuke pulled me up. "Don't be a fatty now!" I looked down at my stomach. "No, you're not fat. You're perfect! You're beautiful in my eyes."

I wanted to make Sasuke carry me the last part, instead I took a hold of his hand. That earned me another smile. "WOW! You have changed!" Naruto yelled and pointed at me. "Yeah, she's not only a slut, but a fat slut now!" Sakura said aiming for my weak point straight away. Nobody cared to speak against her. Sasuke and I sat down, him facing Naruto and me facing Sakura. She gave me a look telling me she was so much better. The little time we had been away from each other we all had earned up our very own secrets. Secrets we didn't want to share with each other. Naruto spilled his beans after his third burrito. It seemed like he would never be full. "I broke up with Hinata." I started smiling, Hinata was so pretty. I hadn't seen much of her since she started in another class. "Ino! It's really rude of you to smile!" Sakura yelled at me. "What?" I said dreamingly. "It'll be fine man," was Sasukes comfort. Naruto didn't answer and drank some soda. "So how's the rest of you guys doing?" Naruto said not wanting to talk about his breakup. Sakura seemed glad for that question. "Yeah, how's your relationship going, Sasuke?" like I wasn't even there. No one had a straight answer.

When we were all, or more like when Naruto was done eating we all found our way to the park. Sasuke fished out a sprite bottle from his jacket and passed it on to Sakura who had forced herself between me and Sasuke. I figured that there wasn't any soda in it. Unsure what to do I just pretended to drink and gave it to Naruto who drank some before it started its retour. Sasuke found a place for us to sit down. I sat down next to Naruto so that Sasuke wouldn't receive all the attention. It didn't take too much time before Sasuke and Sakura was starting to get really drunk. Naruto didn't seem affected. Sakura was clinging on Sasukes arm. "Haven't been drinking either?" Naruto whispered over to me. "I didn't feel like it." Naruto nodded. "I think I'm gonna go home. Wanna join me?" I looked over at Sasuke and Sakura. "They're not going to do anything. Deep down Sakura is really nice, and she knows that Sasuke is taken. Not that Sasuke would do anything." Maybe Naruto was right. Sasuke was trying to get rid of Sakura now. When I glimpsed back I saw Sakura on top of Sasuke, and he didn't seem to mind. He hadn't even noticed that I was gone. When Naruto and I had said goodbye I called Deidara. I needed a shoulder to cry on.


	33. What He Feels

I felt something vibrating in my pants. Looking down at my phone I saw the picture of Ino posing with the peace sign in front of the biggest banana she had ever seen. Out of all the pictures I had of her I liked this best. She looked truly happy and amazed. I folded in our poker game and went outside the room to answer. I heard Itachi saying something about me needing to start wearing women's underwear. I could hear by the tone of her voice that he had hurted her again. "What's up sweetpeaks?" She wanted to know if I was home. I told her I was just out buying bread and that she could just wait for me at my place. I told the rest that I had to go home. Itachi responded with making whipping sounds, Kisame laughed. Sounded like he was letting out air under the water. I was worried about Ino. Still I needed to stop and buy some bread on my way home.

I found her sleeping on my couch. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying. It hurted me to see her like that. No matter how many times he hurted her she would never learn. Worst was it the time when she came home with a red face. It never happened again, so maybe she had indeed hurted herself. I wasn't sure, maybe I would never know. I started running my hand through her hair, it made her stop crying for a little while. Her hair was so soft and light, so unlike those cheap girls who bleached their hair blond. She was natural, there was nothing fake about her. I lifted her up bridal styling seeing she was lying all crumbled. She had fallen asleep and would be freezing sleeping out there. I removed her shoes and jeans before I tucked her in. She must have been really tired. Watching her sleep made me realize that I didn't know all that much about her. I didn't know much about her parents, where she grew up, she didn't like talking about her childhood.

Childhood, I still can't understand that she's going to be a mother. She's so naïve. She doesn't know how the world works yet. She's so innocent and fragile. She started moving around in the bed. Maybe she was having a bad dream. She wasn't smiling anymore. I patted her cheek to see if it would calm her down. "Are you always going to be here for me?" She was awake now, looking down at me. I was sitting on the floor next to the bed. "Nothing can make me leave." She smiled again. "I love you, Deidara, and I always will. More than anyone ever can." There she goes. Every other night she would claim that I was the right one for her. That I was the one she loved the most. She would do so after Sasuke had spent his day breaking her down, but I couldn't do anything. I could just be here and swallow the poison she feed me, and hope at one day her words would be true.

I was in some ways getting tired of it. How long should I have to wait? How long do I have to suffer? Did she even know what she made me feel? "Daida," she said and poked my nose "how long have you been sitting there?" I didn't know so I didn't give her an answer. "I love you," she said again. It hurted so bad. "Then why are you with him and not me?" She needed to think about it. "Because I need him, like you need all the girls you're with." I looked away. What if I didn't love her either, what if I was fooling myself. What if she wasn't worth all this? ""Do you have any pistachio nuts and raspberry sauce? Or maybe some chocolate pudding, but I can't really stand chocolate pudding." There we go, acting like nothing. Some things never change, do they? I was waiting for what she always ended this talk with. "Would you ever make me one of those girls?" I told her what I had said so many times before. She could never become one of those girls.

If you don't remember, anything else would surprise me to be honest, she first believed his name was Daida. I also wanted to write what Deidara felt about everything so I wrote this from his point of view.


	34. The Weather Forecast Is Great

I felt something vibrating in my pants. Looking down at my phone I saw the picture of Ino posing with the peace sign in front of the biggest banana she had ever seen. Out of all the pictures I had of her I liked this best. She looked truly happy and amazed. I folded in our poker game and went outside the room to answer. I heard Itachi saying something about me should start wearing women's underwear. I could hear by the tone of her voice that he had hurted her again. "What's up sweetpeaks?" She wanted to know if I was home. I told her I was just out buying bread and that she could just wait for me at my place. I told the rest that I had to go home. Itachi responded with making whipping sounds, Kisame laughed. Sounded like he was letting out air under the water. I was worried about Ino, but I still needed to stop and buy some bread on my way home.

I found her sleeping on my couch. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying. It hurted me to see her like that. No matter how many times he hurted her she would never learn. Worst was it the time when she came home with a red face. It never happened again, so maybe she had indeed hurted herself. I wasn't sure, maybe I would never know. I started running my hand through her hair, it made her smile. Her hair was so soft and light, so unlike those cheap girls who bleached their hair blond. She was natural, there was nothing fake about her. I lifted her up bridal styling seeing she was lying all crumbled and she would end up being cold. I removed her shoes and jeans before I tucked her in. She must have been really tired. Watching her sleep made me realize that I didn't know all that much about her. I didn't know much about her parents, where she grew up, she didn't like talking about her childhood.

Childhood, I still can't understand that she's going to be a mother. She's so naïve. She doesn't know how the world works yet. She's so innocent and fragile. She started moving around in the bed. Maybe she was having a bad dream. She wasn't smiling anymore. I patted her cheek to see if it would calm her down. "Are you always going to be here for me?" She was awake now, looking down at me. I was sitting on the floor next to the bed. "Nothing can make me leave." She smiled again. "I love you, Deidara, and I always will. More than anyone ever can." There she goes. Every other night she would claim that I was the right one for her. That I was the one she loved the most. She would do so after Sasuke had spent his day breaking her down, but I couldn't do anything. I could just be here and swallow the poison she feed me, and hope at one day her words would be true.

I was in some ways getting tired of it. How long should I have to wait? How long do I have to suffer? Did she even know what she made me feel? "Daida," she said and poked my nose "how long have you been sitting there?" I didn't know so I didn't give her an answer. "I love you," she said again. It hurted so bad. "Then why are you with him and not me?" She needed to think about it. "Because I need him, like you need all the girls you're with." I looked away. What if I didn't love her either, what if I was fooling myself. What if she wasn't worth all this? ""Do you have any pistachio nuts and raspberry sauce? Or maybe some chocolate pudding, but I can't really stand chocolate pudding." There we go, acting like nothing. Some things never change, do they? I was waiting for what she always ended this talk with. Would you ever make me one of those girls?" I told her what I had said so many times before. She could never become one of those girls.

If you don't remember, anything else would surprise me, she first believed his name was Daida. I also wanted to write what Deidara felt about everything so I wrote this from his point of view.


	35. I'm Worthless

Waking up it was surprisingly my back that hurted the most. It was dark and some mosquitoes where feeding on me. I got up slowly leaning my weight on my elbows. I didn't want to pass out or get dizzy. Lifting my knees I slowly got up. I had been beaten before, it was no big deal. My head just felt heavy, that was all for now. I stole Deidaras newspaper on my way in, must be early morning. Deidara would always wonder who used to steal his paper all the time. In my defense, I always returned it in the evening when he wasn't watching, or at night, point is that he got it back.

Going to find some clean clothes to change into after my shower I heard sounds on the other side of my wall. More like screaming, panting and name calling. I joined in on the screaming and threw my lamp at the wall. Why I was overreacting getting so mad I didn't know. I mean, I knew he was with other girls, I knew that he wasn't going wait for me without being involved with some sort of slut. Still I wanted it to be only me.

The shower turned red washing away my blood. I needed to stop seeing Sasuke. No matter how stupid I had been this wasn't okey. I felt like hiding in the shower for a while, crying. Why I was crying? There were so many reasons. Deidara had a slut, I had to drop out of school, Sasuke had beaten me, I had to move out, I was pregnant. The list would go on if I wanted to. I dried my tears and got out of the shower. It was getting cold.

I had the legs of an elephant, the stomach of a whale, my arms looked like bat wings and face like a pig.

Everyone used to say that I was pretty, now no one ever did.

Why would anyone want to lie?

I'm worthless.

I slipped a towel around me. Not bothering getting dressed or dried off. I just wanted this night to be over with. It had been too much. I wish I had stayed at home. I hated Itachi for telling me to go, I hated Sasuke for being angry, I hated Deidara for cheating. What was I thinking? Deidara hadn't cheated, he had every right to do what he did. Still I hated him. I hated him for being happy with someone else. I hated Sasuke for getting mad at me, when he also had every right to get mad. Not saying that violence is the answer, he just had reasons to. I hated Itachi for not knowing his brother better, for telling me where Sasuke was. I watched a flustered Karin make her way over to her car. Most of all I hated Deidara.

I woke up late the next evening. I went to the bathroom to examine the damage. My jaw was bruised, my collar bone area was red. Everything else would be easy to cover up, some more bruises and small cuts. I was about to pull my hair in a pony tail when I decided against it. A big wound would be visible. Letting my hair down I noticed just how long my hair had gotten. I now liked my lazy small curls every here and there. My bang had grown down to my collar bone and was curly in the end. Thankfully I was able to keep it away from my right eye.

Picking up old habits my bruises weren't that hard to cover up. I painted my nails red as well as my lips. I wouldn't be staying at home crying. Why not go out and have fun. It's not like I haven't earlier, and who was I fooling. I would never make a good mother. Why not have fun waiting for it to be taken care of? I can't even take care of myself, who said a baby would make things easier, and I was having it with my fucking teacher. I didn't love him, he loved his wife. It would save us both from a lot of trouble. Finding out if I should wear a black or red dress was now going to be my biggest problem.


	36. So, I'll Have The Baby, And You Keep It?

I grumbled and went over to my front door. "What do you want?" I could see him on the other side. He had his hair down, God! I hated it when he had his hair down. "Why the hell did you throw something at the wall?" Oh, so he had been able to hear it. "You guys were pretty loud, and my head really hurted." Wasn't lying so far. "Have you been drinking?" His voice was judging. "No, I got robbed walking home. I didn't want to give up easy, so they beated the crap out of me." He was worried now. "Are you fine? Anything I can do?" I felt so bad. "No, I just want to be alone. Okey?" He said his goodbyes and walked away.

Being mad at Deidara made me feel so alone. Deidara was all I had. Everything I needed. I could call Naruto, but he wasn't at home so I called someone else instead. "Hi?" Not sure if I should hang up or not I drew my breath. "I need to talk to you." He now figured who he was talking to. "Ino? You know I'm back with my wife, right?" Yes, I knew. "It has nothing to do about your wife." I could hear him breathing. "Ino, are you drunk?" Of course I wasn't. His question angered me. "I'm going to have to stay sober for the next fucking six months!" I could hear a small oh on the other side after a while. "Then we do need to talk."

I was slowly sipping on some hot tea when he came walking. He still had that cool around him. Like nothing could get to him, but not in a cold way like Sasuke. Damned bastard. "I don't really want to keep it." I didn't feel for the small talk. He sat down listening. "I'll keep it if you don't want to." Keep it? "It's not a pet you know." Yes, he knew. It wouldn't be his first child. He didn't answer but smirked. "What would your wife say to that?" He looked at me, still giving me a smile. He didn't have to look so damned happy about it. "I'll make her understand." Make her sounded great. "So I'll have the baby, and you keep it?"

So it was that simple. I couldn't help giving an evil glare at Deidaras door as I walked by. I hoped he could feel it. I still wasn't sure how I felt about giving up my baby. I couldn't take care of it myself, I would have been a terrible mother. Having it I didn't mind. Stretch marks, gaining weight, being big and labor sounded like so much fun to me. Then again, I didn't have to worry about it.

I had been dying to have a cigarette since I found out. I felt sorry for myself and wanted to get drunk. What could I turn to if I didn't have those two? I'd never been much a fan of something such as drugs. They were the biggest no anyway. It's amazing how much you wanted something when you couldn't have it. What I could have was a nap, I was dead tired.

Nothing is like spending your days eating, throwing up, going to the bathroom and sleeping. One of the many joys the next half year would bring. Still not sure why I'm doing this. I've never been against abortions. I was pro-choice, but taking that decision was hard. I know it wasn't a baby yet, it wouldn't hurt. No matter what it was still in there. It wasn't just a bunch of cells. It was even moving around in there. For now it was going to be a human, a baby that needed all the love and care it could have. Yet its mother had nothing to give.


	37. I Guess He Doesn't Love Her

I was slamming my hands desperately against Deidaras door. He took his time before he opened. I had decided not to be all that mad at him anymore. Still he hadn't figured that screwing girls next door had upset me. Only reason I was slightly mad at him. "Wow, you look all mad." He stated. "My pants! They don't fucking fit!" Deidara looked like a drunken mess, it was only a week until school started again. I had signed up and was going to be there as much as I could. I still might be able to pass unless something big happened. They were really nice at school. Deidara squished his eyes shut. He had too much spare time now that I wasn't with him all the time. He spends most days over at Itachi. "Yeah, you're getting fat."

He was getting so insensitive. He had surely been spending too much time with guys. I saw it as my right to slap him. He rubbed his cheek and turned around. "Deidara! You fucking alcoholic bear!" I demanded that he borrowed me one of his pants and drove me to the mall to buy new ones. He didn't seem interested. "Deidara!" I pleaded him. I didn't like the idea of only being able to wear sweat pants. I still had style. We went over the kitchen. Me still talking to him. His place seemed to be a total mess. "What have you been up to the last weeks?" I asked him. He just gave a shrug and lighted a cigarette not caring if I stood right in front of him. "Fuck you Deidara!" I screamed in his face before I stormed out. Now I had to get to the mall on my own.

Sitting on the bus I was sure that this old lady saw looking at my stomach every third second. God, she was getting on my nerves. She couldn't know, could she? No, that was silly. To her I was some lazy, fat teenager in sweat pants. That still bothered me. I was handling the weight gain good, but what if it was just me getting fat. What if it had nothing to do with the pregnancy? No, Doctor Creep had said that the baby was alarming huge. Anorexics used to get smaller babies than healthier mothers. It was just strange, I was glad that I was changing doctors. He could only take care of me up to week 15. After him asking me to undress I wasn't all that sad. Should have filed a report on him, but eh... I had kicked him right in the balls. I had gone to her after I had been bought my pants. Turned out that it wasn't a huge baby at all.

I came home with some pairs of new pants. The girl behind the counter had been eying me up and down. Something I should get used to. When I walked in I decided to celebrate the new pants with a nap, but first I went to the kitchen to get something to drink. Hearing someone hem behind me made me drop the glass to the floor breaking it. "Sorry about this morning." It was Deidara. "I had a killer headache, and all this pregnancy shit isn't my deal." Hoping that my voice wouldn't tell on the tears building up I spoke. "You told me you would be there, you always would." Now I started crying. Deidara seemed to be affected by that, but didn't want to show it.

"I'm sick of all this hurting!" He was breaking down because of my tears. "Not only me! I've seen you come home at night. Beaten up thinking no one ever sees you, but I do! It hurts! Every time you tell me that you love me more than anyone else at night! How you always want to give me something back for being nice to you! I don't want your body as payment! I want your love, but I'm never going to get that so I moved on. I break every single time I see that he's been hurting you, and you always go back to him. You don't even seem to notice how much I love you! How much you're hurting me."

He was right. I would always go back to Sasuke. Ignoring the man who indeed loved me, more than anything. I would hurt him with my words. I had been taking him for granted. Thinking I could do whatever I wanted to do to him. I sat down on him lap hugging him. His body shaking of sobs. He was so right, I've treated both of us as shit. "I've broken things off with him, for good this time I promise. I walked in on him and Sakura. He doesn't love her." It took some times for my words sunk in and Deidara realized. It was her he had taken to bed in his parents' home. "And maybe you can help me clear out my feelings. I've been confused and mistaken for so long. Maybe you could even make me The Girl." I kissed him. I've been blind long enough. Things where starting to get heavy when I stopped kissing him forming and o. He looked confused. I took his hand and placed them on my stomach. "They're kicking."


	38. Alone

It doesn't have to mean anything does it. That I'm huge, people are looking. It doesn't mean anything that Deidara has been hanging more with his friends than me.

I was just being clingy after all.

That Naruto hadn't answered on my text message didn't mean anything. It had only been a half hour.

Yes, I was being clingy.

As well as lonely, and hungry. Lazy, I was too lazy to make anything. I wish I could lie on my back until I starved. That would have been great.

My phone buzzed on the floor.

My hand lazily drops down from the sofa. Naruto? Yes, Naruto. He was out with Sakura. He asked me to join them. Out of guilt I'm sure.

He should know how much I hate that bitch. "Just us three again." I said to myself and patted my stomach. No wonder I was here alone. I don't blame anyone for leaving me here to rot. Who wants to be with the pregnant teen?

My phone buzzed again. Probably just Naruto asking if I was sure on staying home alone. He didn't like me being alone. Still he was with that whore all the fuckings time. God! Those stretch marks are so itchy! I was halfway there. Didn't help my mood that I was still growing.

It had been two weeks since school started. I did go, trying to ignore all the glares and rumors. Some of them were in fact really funny. Like Sasuke running away because he wasn't ready to be a father, Deidara had killed him because he was so jealous. Yeah, I shouldn't complain about the lack of fantasy.

Right now I was bored out of my mind. Listening to the fuzzy sounds my soda made became boring after a while. It was all I could say. I knew that Deidara was out with his lame friends even if said he was going to study. He always did that, lye to me. Like he didn't care now that he had me, the chase is all the fun?

I growled, got up and dressed. I wasn't sure where I was going. I just followed my heart, more my feet. I couldn't have a care in the world just where I was going. I was out of the house, so I was happy. I didn't care more about things that didn't matter. I found myself in front of a door that I knew too much. I knocked and waited for answer.


	39. My Wife Could Have Been Home

I knocked, and I waited. Yes, waited. I was mad for doing this. Out of my mind, yet it made sense. In my mind it made perfect sense, for anyone else it was totally madness. I could hear someone crying and doors slamming. No yelling though, it was silent. I looked around noticing how well kept the garden was. I could hear the crying getting closer.

Then he opened the door, surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?" he said in shock "My wife could have been home!" Yes, she could have been. After several walks around the neighborhood I've learned a simple way to tell if she was home or not. "Her car is gone. I'm not stupid you know." He let out a silent oh, and turned noting me to follow.

I followed him into his living room. He was trying to hush his daughter. It only made it seem worse. "Eh? Do you mind holding her while I make her something to eat?" He seemed stressed so I agreed. She was heavy, so I sat down with her. She was so tiny and cute, so I thought until he started pulling my hair. I didn't say anything because she was laughing. That sadistic little bastard. She had blond hair and blue eyes, she looked a lot like her father.

"Sorry about that," he said and lifted her. She didn't seem pleased by her father's action and waved her hands. "Da-da!" she screamed angrily. There was no sympathy to gain from him, he just laughed at her. "Oh, children, what can you say?" he laugh. I watched her eat her banana and some baby food. We didn't speak, we just watched. After eating she was happy and wanted to play.

"Something wrong?" he asked not taking his eyes away from his daughter. "No, or… there's something you need to know." He didn't say anything, just waited for me to continue. "I'm having twins." Still I waited for a reaction. Was he mad at me? "We're having twins then," he finally said, then came the silence again. I didn't know what to say.

"What's your wife saying to all of this, does she even know?" He looked over at me and smiled. I could then see how I got up in this mess. "Yeah, she isn't the normal housewife you know." He didn't say more. Once again we just sat there.

"Can I touch it?" he asked suddenly standing next to me. I nodded. His touch made me smile. "It's weird that we all started out like that," he said.

I had to go when his wife finished training. I didn't mind, I had passed some time. That wasn't something I minded. I felt much better when I came home. Sure it was dark and lonely, but I didn't feel all that lonely. The clock told me it was midnight. I had walked around a while before I went home. I took a shower and went to bed.

I woke up later that night with an arm around me. Deidara was sleeping but my elbow would change that. He grunted in pain behind me. "What happened with gently nudging?" he whined not fully awake.

"Don't you love me anymore?" I asked him straight out. I could almost hear him roll his eyes. "Sure I do, now let's go back to sleep." I sat up. "What's that supposed to mean?" I watched him squirm. "What you talking about?"

He annoyed me senseless at the moment. "Sure I do? What kind of answer is that?" He rolled over on his stomach. "You're making too much out of this, it's just your hormones." I wanted to strangle him right there and then. "What do you mean by that? Hormones? I'll give you fuckings hormones! I disgust you, don't I? You hate me now that I'm fat and pregnant!"

I ran to the bathroom slammed the door, locked it and started crying.

This was just one of many waken nights Deidara had to suffer trough now that it was the 23rd week. All this was because of, well pretty much hormones.


	40. Nightime Snack

He knocked the door. "Ino, come out now."

"You hate me! Don't you?" I could hear him sigh.

"No, I love you very much. Just that, sometimes you're too much to handle."

I started crying out loud. "STOP CALLING ME FAT ALL THE TIME!"

There was little he could do to get me out of the room. Still he tried for a while. Then he went back to bed, he was tired just like me. When everything went quiet I silently walked out of the bathroom only to be grabbed by a pair of arms.

"Hi!" I called kicking around me. I soon relaxed. "Don't go around thinking I don't love you, or that you're fat." I started sobbing into his arms. "What do you say? Us two, tomorrow, a bunch of crappy movies?" I wrapped my arms around him. I might have been overreacting a tiny bit. "Only if there will be grapes." We both started laughing because we knew; Deidara does NOT share his grapes.

"Deidara, would you rather make out with Itachi, or tell Kisame in a very seductive way that he's been a bad boy?" The movie we were watching was indeed very crappy to put it kindly. "I would go for Kisame, I can picture making out with Itachi is like making out with cardboard." We both shuddered and laughed. "Okey, would you rather teach Sai about lust and sex or would you tell that dog guy Kiba all the inappropriate places you want to stick the tail of his dog?" Sai was a new student in my class. He was emotionally and socially retarded. Still I liked him.

We decided to go to bed early, since school as up tomorrow. Too lazy to walk home I decided to spend the night.

"Deidara, are you sleeping?" I didn't get an answer. I let out a snarl and hit him with my elbow. He grunted as I pretended to be asleep. "Ino?" I didn't answer him. He kissed my cheek and got up. It was three in the night so he couldn't get up for the morning.

I waited until he came back eating something. I opened my eyes to see what. A cheese sandwich. I waited for him to sit down before I grabbed it out of his hands. "I need it more than you," I said smiling at him. He sighed and got up to make a new one mumbling something about sharing. I wouldn't hear any of it. I had gotten what I wanted.

"INO!" Deidara yelled from somewhere "get up! You have to go to school!" I screamed pushing the pillow over my head. "INO!" he yelled impatient. He got in the room. "Ino, you have to get up. Are you going to school?" God, he was so annoying. "Yes, I don't look sick, do I? Stupid question." He started tapping his foot. I removed the pillow. He was fully dressed, I wondered what time it was. "Get out," I said. He looked down at me. "You heard me! Get out!" I hit him with the pillow. He said nothing but walked out.

I was in an extremely bad mood walking to school that morning. I didn't greet anyone and went straight to class. History with our beloved gray haired fucktard. "Ino, are you there? I'm telling you something!" Naruto almost yelled out. I hadn't heard shit of what he was saying. "No, now go away!" Naruto looked shocked. "Fuck off I said!" Naruto looked so puzzled. "What?" was all he could make himself say. He was really out of it. "Why won't you leave me alone! " I almost cried. Kakashi was standing in the doorway watching everything. He had waited for this day.


	41. Deidara Cheated?

"Deeeidaarraa! Do you have a banana?" I purred clinging to his hand. "So he claims," Itachi said emotionless. Kisame spurted out whatever he was drinking. Deidara gave Itachi a glare of death. I kept tugging his arm. "I hope you don't mind it being covered with Itachi spew out." I shrugged. "All I wanted was some banana."

"INO!" Naruto yelled. I had been ignoring his calls from behind me. He would catch up with me sooner or later. "What's wrong?" I just glared at him. He should know. "It's okey that you like Sakura better than me, but you don't have to go around saying shit about me!" Naruto looked confused. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to play this game. Sakura popped up next to Naruto. "Wow, now that I'm close I can really see what people mean about you being huge. You're hippo size, all you got there can't all be the baby." She gave an evil smile.

God, how I wish I could kill that whore. Naruto had fallen silent. Might as well be a good thing, I didn't want to deal with them since they had teamed up against me. That Sakura did so didn't surprise me, but Naruto.

Karin came over to her beloved friend Sakura. I was about to go. "So how's Deidara?" Oh, no she didn't! I turned around again. "Isn't if funny that we have done both of her boyfriends," Karin said and high fived with Sakura. "Isn't it funny that they both dumped you over me?" I asked. Naruto was clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. "So who's the father of the devil child since you're so lose?" Sakura asked but was stopped by Karin. "No, no! I have something better to ask. Remember that weekend when Deidara went to see his parents. Well, I'm unlike others here, a young mother."

I was broken. They had won, I started walking away. Naruto ran after me. Sadly I couldn't see the look he gave Sakura. He didn't understand that we were girls fighting, there weren't any rules, just how deep you would sink. Sakura was sinking way deep.

"He wouldn't, you know how they are," he comforted. "Let's just get to class. I'm not crying over a guy again." Naruto just nodded.

"And they're best friends again!" Kakashi bursted out seeing us walk in together. I didn't answer him, Naruto was once again confused. The poor guy. I couldn't concentrate during class. I couldn't believe Deidara had cheated. There had to be some explanation to this. That even if he had been acting strange lately. No, if he had been with her all the time she would have rubbed it in my face.

God, it's better to ask him, right? I started laughing thinking about Sasuke. He had apologized later. The worst thing is that I would have forgiven him if he hadn't moved away to go to school in Italy. It frightened me, but I had Deidara now. It's funny how the friend who put through all the crap about your failed relationships, the one who's always there for you is the right one. Deidara would never cheat on me. No, I wouldn't believe it.

I was waiting for him outside his door when he came smiling. "Would you ever hurt me?" His smile dropped. "No, never." He looked down at me. "Why did you lie to me? When you said you were going to your parents, why did you go to the slut of an ex-girlfriend that you have?" He didn't even try the deny it. "I had a perfectly good reason…" I didn't let him finish. I got up and ran off.


	42. I Think It

"I felt like you have asked me this before…" Itachi said. I was sitting on his sofa looking straight forward. "No, I don't think he's still seeing that girl. He didn't even want to go and get his movie from her. Still Kisame insisted, and he can be quite pervasive when he wants something." I looked over at Itachi. "No, it was not Jaws." He sat down next to me.

"Eh, life is a bitch." Itachi plunged under the sofa and got back up with a beer. "I would ask you if you wanted one, but you're right. Life is sure a bitch. If I had been a slut, it would have been easy." I chuckled, Itachi is so silly.

We sat there for a while. "So he just went to get a movie?" Itachi nodded. "God, he hates that bitch." It made me pleased. Why would Itachi know that he went there? It's not like Deidara would tell them a lie when they didn't know about him going there. "He is worried shitless tho."

I looked at Itachi taking a good sip of his beer. Why would Deidara be worried? "He knows he has you, but he doesn't know if he can keep you. You're a whore. Does that make you sad and want to sleep with me?" I slapped my hand on his stomach laughing. "No, papa dei is worried about becoming papa dei." I got up and found my way out. On the way home I couldn't help to teach myself to let people finish.

Going inside Deidaras apartment I couldn't help but to stop. "Deidara! Have you been smoking inside again?" We had both agreed that he didn't mind going outside to smoke so that I could come over. "I was outside two hours ago!" he called from the kitchen. "Don't lie! I can smell it!"

"Ino, I haven't been smoking inside. Trust me." He came over to hug me. I had to trust him, even if I didn't want to stay there. "I'm sorry." I started crying. He patted my back telling me everything was okey. It wasn't I had been a total bitch against him. He would never hurt me.

I felt like that snake after eating a hippo, if you've ever seen that video, when I finished dinner. "I'm surprised you made enough for both of us." There was hardly anything left. "You've been eating that much for a while now. Haven't you noticed?" I was puzzled. Now I felt like the hippo, huge. "It doesn't matter, I think it's cute."

Deidara was victim for massive mood swings the next two week. Ranging from clingy to getting a shoe in his head, he got it bad. He was happy for every calm sane minute he could spend with me. He was amazed by how they could make my abdomen move and the next minute they could be all sleeping.

All the poor thing could do with it was coping. Even if it wasn't easy. I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep going to school. I hadn't been feeling all that great. Always tried, but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate. What was the point of going if I didn't learn anything?


	43. God! Ino!

"Deidara?" I said. We were both on the sofa, me resting my head in his lap. "Mhm, what?" he said looking at the TV. I didn't even know myself. I just craved attention. "What's your favorite tea?" I could feel him laughing a little but didn't hear anything. "Are you bored now?"

I didn't bother lying so I confirmed one of his worst fears. "Would you still love me if I was fat?" He turned off the TV. "You know I would love you no matter what." I looked up at his face. "Doesn't sound like you mean it." He was struggling to keep from showing any sign of annoyance. "How come?" He was still looking at the black TV screen. "You sound so distant and uninterested."

I was wondering if I should just drop it and make him get me something to eat. If only I could eat marshmallows, fuckings gelatin. "I think I want a C section. I don't wanna ruin my body, but still it isn't natural. What you have picked?" This time I felt him tense. "God! Ino! I'm a man! I'm not having this conversation. I can't get pregnant! I don't care!" He talked rather fast blurting out the words. He seemed rather uncomfortable with the question.

Later that evening some of Deidaras friend came over. I had been too lazy to go home yet.

"Oh, I was hoping to see you here." Itachi wore an evil smile holding a bag. "Kisame! Come over here!" Did hypothermia want me something, he scared me. "Now sit up," Itachi demanded. I sat up rather unsure what the two of them was up to. Itachi got something out of his bag. He held a ball (soccer am.) in front of my stomach. "It's just the same size, looks like you owe me 15 fast ones." My stomach started slightly hurting. "It's not fair, you're an older brother." Itachi took the money and gave his response. "Shouldn't be making bets with me then."

When I got up I noticed that my back hurted and things felt just strange. I went to find Deidara who was in the kitchen. I almost died when I saw him. Not only because he looked good, because I've faced it. He always do, he could be stranded in the jungle for three weeks and still be front page material. The reason was the he was drinking and holding a cigarette, it wasn't lit. Still I wanted it so bad, yeah. Going home was a really good idea.

I kissed him to get his attention. "I'm not feeling good, so I'm going over to my place to get some sleep." He hugged me. "Are you going to be okey alone?" I hugged him back. I love him so much it felt like someone would have to pry me away. "Yeah, I'm just going to sleep, just remember that you have school tomorrow." I let go of his hand.

On the walk over to my own bedroom felt a little better, even if I had to take that back 15 minutes later. I wasn't really able to sleep. I wasn't in that much pain, still something felt off. I tried reading a book, but ended up listening to the guys laughing. It was calming and I felt happy with the fact that I wasn't going to raise any children. Right? Yes, I must be happy.

I don't want to waste my teenage year, or my whole life. I need to get an education, get a job, a safe place that was big enough. Me not taking care of them is the best for everyone.


	44. Stop the Contractions!

I was scared out of my senses when I called Deidara.

"Hi?"

"Are you too drunk to drive?"

No response.

"Fuck you, Deidara!"

"What do you want now? I'm sure there's something you can eat at your place, even if it isn't what you want."

"I need to go to the hospital you whorebear!"

"Are you okey?"

"Yes, I'm fuckings okey. Is there anyone else that can drive me then?"

"Sure you're okey? Hidan hasn't been drinking. You need help to get to the car? What's wrong with you anyway?"

"I'll meet both of you there, and there's nothing wrong with me!"I hung up on him. I didn't have time for this.

They were both by the car when I came outside. Deidara looked worried and Hidan looked rather pissed off. Deidara rushed to my side examining me, trying to figure out what was wrong. "I just need some pills to stop the contractions, okey?" I don't know what I should call the look in his face. If I was in a better mood I would have laughed. I didn't, I was scared. Still I tried to act calm.

"That means that they're?" I nodded and got in the car. Hidan didn't look mad anymore. I don't know why they were worried. I was going to get some pills to stop the contractions, and then everything would be fine. "Yeah…"

The car ride couldn't have been more awkward or tense. I was looking outside the window. It's funny how things change. How everything goes from good to bad, to good then to bad again. In other words, ups and downs. Eh, fuck my life. It's constantly shitty, why do I even bother?


	45. You

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

So things could have been worse, right? My ice cream could have tasted better. Low carb ice creams tastes like soap and plastic. Naruto was watching me, worried that I would break down any second. I was happy, it had been too late to stop it when we came to the hospital. I have nightmares about Deidaras white face, okey, maybe not, but get the point? Yeah, it looked like he was about to drop dead. Haven't seen him after that. I had a C section because I was too weak for anything else. The twins were in an incubator.

I hadn't taken the time to see them yet. I didn't want to. No, because it was my fault that they were on the outside, and it could even end up with me wanting to have something to do with them. I hate myself.

It was complete silence in the room. I didn't feel that it was a strained awkward one. It was comforting. Naruto on the other hand didn't seem to enjoy it. He wasn't sure what to do or to say. He didn't like the way I was reacting to things.

They happen for a reason right? Faith or something, what do I know. Something I wanted to know was why I hadn't seen any of Deidara. Not once, I missed him and had really needed him when I woke up. But no! I had gotten the wrong blond.

"How's school?" I asked. It was the only thing I could do to make him feel better. "Boring, I didn't really pay much attention. I really miss having you and Sasuke there." God, Naruto was only trying to be nice, but he ends up making things so much worse.

"I hope he gets eaten by the natives or something." Naruto couldn't help but to give a little laugh. "I don't think Italians eat humans." I had to laugh at the wonderful vision of Sasuke getting eaten. "When are you getting out?"

I was here because they meant I wasn't able to take care of myself, eating wise. I had been eating a lot, I didn't see their problem. I must have been eating like a grown hippo, but as the doctors had said. It doesn't matter how much when it's not the right food. They didn't even want to call fruit and vegetables food.

"When those sadist find it fitting."

I was myself sick of this. The big ass needle in my arm didn't make it any better. They say that fruit is just water still they decided that I was dehydrated. Bastards, need to be helping people who need it and in fact are sick.

"Are you sure that you're okey? You're handling this too well, I know that you aren't the mother type, but there has to be something inside there. They're still your children, and they might die or spend their first months in the hospital."

I didn't want to answer him. He had asked this questions so many times now. He took my silence as a queue to leave. "In fact I would be glad if they did die."

Naruto stopped in his tracks. He was sure that I was losing it. That I was going psycho, I wasn't psycho, no I was honest.

"We both know that's not true, stop acting, you're only hurting yourself."


	46. Murderer

It was burning a hole to my heart. The guilt of not feeling bad, but at the same I was floating in an existence of no feeling.

I didn't do what was expected of me. I didn't feel like dying. I didn't feel a thing, then I felt bad for not feeling anything. The hours only got longer and longer at the hospital. I didn't mind the all white and sterile environment. It kept me sane more than anything. Just picture an orange hospital. Oh, I can. Sort of. Naruto was around all the time. I told him over and over again not to come. I was mad at him, at Deidara, at the doctors, at the whole world. Mostly I was angry at God. But I don't believe in God. I just needed someone to blame for this. Someone that wasn't me.

I know, maybe, deep down that this was all my fault. It was my fault, but I didn't ask for this. I was too young to be blamed, no. I was old enough to get in this mess. It's too late to change anything. It was too late to run away from it. I had to deal with my own mess. It wasn't too late to start over again, start living. That was a lie, it could never be fine again.

It was the fifth day of crying. Five days I had spent crying. The cold act was entirely gone. There was nothing. It was the same problem. I felt empty, but this time I reacted. I couldn't believe it. It was so simple. I couldn't understand it.

I got up from my bed. My own bed, at home. I didn't find as much of a comfort of being home as I hoped for. It was quiet and lonely. I didn't know what I wanted. Every time I had someone around me I would be mad, if I was alone I was sad, crying.

Doctors order was that I wasn't supposed to be alone for long periods of time. First my friends set up a list over who was going to be with me when. I'm guess they started giving up when I became violent. Only Deidara would sit with me then, but I was mad at him. He hadn't been there for me. I didn't know what he had been up to. I'm guessing he was partying, drinking, sleeping with as many women he could before hippopotamus me came and tied him down.

I rubbed my eye, it was irritated, pink and swollen by tears. I didn't want to stay in bed anymore, I was tired of it. I was tired of the whole thing. I had to get up and answer the door anyway. I wanted to be done sulking and crying.

"Your nose is bleeding." It was Itachis turn to check on the deluded nutcase. He was right, I could feel the warm blood running down turning cold. I wiped it off on my sleeve. Itatchi looked disgusted, he had all reason too I'm sure. "When was the last time you showered?" My nose just wouldn't stop bleeding, it just kept going. "Sorry, it hasn't been on the top of my list the last few days." My voice was cracked up and dry. I had used it far more for screaming and crying that talking.

I went to the kitchen to make some tea. Itachi had seen that I wasn't killing myself or anything so I didn't care about him anymore. He could do whatever, his mission was done. "You're really letting yourself go here." He was commenting on the mess my place consisted off. The blood under my nose was drying up. It still turned cold when I breathed out. It had stopped right under my nose. I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I had been spending the last days in bed, but I hadn't been doing much sleeping.

"Are you just going to keep silent?" I didn't have any more to say so that was the plan. "I can't believe you! One day you're miss. Everything is fine! A few days later you're this mess! I can't stand seeing you like this! Why can't you talk to anyone of us?" I dropped my cup of tea, more like threw it. The hot water burnt my feet, but I was too heated by anger to take notice. "BECAUSE NONE OF YOU HAVE KILLED YOUR OWN CHILDREN!"


	47. Someone Better

"I'm trapped!" I screamed. I had found my way home. Deidara had been worried sick. "Ino, what are you talking about? You're right here, with me." He looked confused. He had every right to be. "I don't want to do this anymore." I said silently. "What did you say," was his response to that. This time he looked more worried. I didn't want to tell him, so I hugged him. The action was not returned. It was then it hit me that he didn't love me anymore. I wasn't the same person. How could he love me? I wasn't fun, I was hard work. Would a child watch cartoons or do homework? I was homework. I wanted to push him away and die that moment.

"Let's dance!" I yelled. I grabbed his arms and started leaning back. The movement was sudden and he unprepared. Needless to say he gave after and we fell on the floor. I giggled and he looked into my eyes. What he was looking for I didn't know. Maybe it was a sign of the old me still being there, the one he used to laugh with, tell everything to, love. I sighed, I would never really figure him out.

He rolled off me. "Why can't you accept it?" he asked. I grabbed his arm and looked over at him. "I want to be happy." I told him. If it was what he was looking for I didn't know, I wasn't sure what he meant by accepting. I wasn't denying anything. "You remember the first day of school?" He laughed a little. "Sexy blond, your beauty then doesn't compare with the one you have now." It was a lie, I had let myself go. It was no doubt about it. "Everything was so simple then, I was sad, yes. My mother had died that summer. It was for the better, maybe. It made me change. I didn't always use to be like this." He didn't say anything. He waited for me to continue, but he didn't demand it, I didn't feel any pressure. I didn't have to, if I didn't want to.

"I don't ever talk about it," I told him, he squeezed my hand, not so hard that it hurted. "I'm here for you, you know that?" I wonder how long that would last. Things doesn't last forever, especially good things. I wondered if I should go for it, or if I should keep it for myself. "My father used to beat me, and some part of me thinks I deserved it, my mom used to stop him. He wasn't my biological father. I don't know my real father. I don't know a thing about him." There was silence for a while. "I used to argue with my parents all the time. They got tired and kicked me out." I knew that he wasn't telling me everything, but he didn't push me. So I wouldn't do that to him.

We lay there for a while. Didn't say anything, didn't move. "How can you love me when I mess up all the time?" it felt right to ask. "I don't even know myself." It was honest, but not what I wanted to hear. "Everybody leaves me in the end." Deidara looked over at me. "I'm still here, you have to outdo yourself to make me leave." Maybe he was right, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't do anything to scare him away. "I love you too much, I can't lose you. Yet I'm ruining what we have. Does that make any sense to you?" He smiled. "You're scared."

So I was scared, I was scared of losing him, I was scared what might make me lose him, yet I was pushing the limits all the time. I was scared of hurting him, but that made me hurt him all the time. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't lose him. "Some day there's going to come along someone prettier, smarter and saner girl. I don't blame you for picking here." He gave a short laugh. "You're talking like I've found her and dumped you. So what if someone like that comes along? You're the one I love, she will never be you."


	48. Dying Like That

We fell asleep like that. On the floor, holding hands. I wouldn't have minded dying like that. I wouldn't have minded dying at all, but at one point we all have to wake up. Unless we are dead, and I wasn't. With my luck that day would never come. But I decided to use my time one earth wisely. Looking at Deidara sleeping. He didn't look human. More like an angel, more like a doll. He didn't look human at all. So I couldn't help wondering if he was an angel, because dolls aren't living. They are cold, dead and so easily broken. I'm a doll.

I was scared of letting his hand go. Like I would lose him, or more like I would be lost. Still my head was killing me. It hurted so bad, and I was so thirsty. Not for alcohol, that was for sure. I gave a little laugh. I didn't remember much of last night. No, that was for sure. Still I didn't have that concerned feeling. I didn't think I had done anything stupid, and that was a good thing. I felt better today, much better.

I had to touch his hair, it felt so good and soft. I wondered if could ever get over losing him. I was pretty sure I couldn't. I couldn't live without him, still I was constantly playing with his feelings. "If you only knew how much I need you, how much I love you." I wished for things to be easier, to be simple. I missed the old times. The fun times. I sat down on top of him. I woke him up by kissing his neck. "I don't think you're ready for this," he mumbled. I wouldn't listen, I needed for him to love me. "I need you," I said looking at him with big eyes. I kissed him, I needed him that was true. He didn't push me away. He was a boy after all.

I light up a cigarette. I should be hitting the shower, but I was too tired. I didn't feel like doing anything, I felt empty. Deidara seemed happy, he was smiling. Him smiling made me feel better. He hadn't smiled like that in a long time. "Did you ever loved someone else?" Why I asked I didn't know, it was a perfect way to ruin the mood. "Not in the way you are thinking." He said dreamingly. I wanted to know more. I honestly didn't know that much about him. Still I loved him, nothing could change that. "I'm gonna take a shower." I told him. He didn't move. For all I know he was thinking everything was fine again. I wanted him to be happy.

When I came out of the shower he had already made breakfast, or lunch judging from the time. "Do you know what would have been good?" I asked. He shook his head no. "Ice cream!" He was silent for a second then we both started laughing. "There's some things I'm not missing." He said. I wanted to tell him I would do anything to relive that time, but I kept silent. "You're the perfect boyfriend, I also have the perfect friend. Itachi is throwing a party later tonight?" Deidara looked fake surprised. "Him perfect friend? He did not tell me anything about this?" It felt good laughing again. I had missed laughing like this, with Deidara.

"Deidara!" I screamed. He came running into the bathroom. "Have you been using my hairbrush?" I held up my brush in front of him showing the evidence. Yellow hair! His eyes were wide, but then he got to know that it was all about my hairbrush he calmed down. "No, you see. I can explain…" He started laughing nervously. "You can explain?" I was tapping my foot. He kept on laughing, but I stopped. This reminded me of a mother yelling at her child. Deidara didn't notice anything, and it didn't matter. I would be forgetting about it in a few hours.


	49. Screw You Too!

Itachis parties were always the best. He had the right things to drink, places to be alone, a house to himself and most importantly he knew all the right people. This was the recipe to a perfect party. Nobody would ever deny it, not now, not ever.

Itachi himself was sitting on the couch with one girl on each side. He was such a… player. He would do any girl if she looked good enough. Hidan had showed up and was whispering into the ear of some girl. Kisame was hanging out with the possible asexual guy, both of them drinking. There was also a load of other people I didn't know. All I cared about right now was Deidara and my bottle. "I love you so much!" I told him. He kissed me, I'm guessing we both had enough to drink at that time. "I want you, and only you." We were looking each other in the eyes. He wasn't talking, but I knew better than to worry about it right then. "I need to pee," he said and shoved me off him. I giggled and drank some more.

Itachi made his way over when he saw that Deidara was gone. "Do you know what?" he asked with an evil smile. I didn't bother to answer him. "My bratty little brother." His smile grew with each word. "I don't give a fuck." Lie, I was mad. "Yeah, he said he would giving many fucks this weekend. His girlfriend is over you know? She's upstairs if you want to talk to her." I know he was trying to start something, but I was mad and didn't care. "Really, is that bitch upstairs?" Itachi nodded. With nobody stopping me I got up. Itachi sent Hidan a wink in the corner. They both followed me.

"Screw you Sakura!" I screamed. She was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. Sasuke was standing next to her. I wasn't scared of him anymore. "Screw you too!" I screamed at him. He lifted his eyebrow in that way I used to love. "Are you suggesting a threesome?" Sakura giggled "we all know she's the person that would be up to something like that. You need to lose some baby weight darling." She was giggling until I slapped her. Sasukes face was blank, she looked like she just got her inside ripped out. I was ready to start something. "I need to talk to you…" Sasuke said. He mentioned for Sakura to go outside.

"Being away made me realize that…" I cut him off. "I'm not falling for that crap again!" I knew what he was capable of. "What I did have no excuse, I didn't think it was wrong. I've seen my dad do it to my mom all my life. Sakura told me it was the best thing to do. I hated myself for doing it, I didn't even know how I could bring myself to do it. If it makes you feel any better, I ended things with her. Not that it matter, because you have someone else." It seemed like he meant what he was saying. "So you beat the crap out of me a few times! Doesn't change the fact that you slept with her while we were together!" He looked ashamed. If I had looked over at Hidan I would have seen just how amusing he found this. Itachi looked more sad and disgusted. "I don't have an excuse for that…" He looked down at the floor, ashamed. "I'm sorry," he said.

I didn't buy anything of it. I ran outside forgetting that Sakura was there. "Are you happy now, whore?" she screamed. I was crying. "You got every guy wanting you, you stole my Sasuke twice!" Maybe I was going to get the fight I wanted. "Oh no! I didn't steal anything of yours whore! And has it ever occurred to you that not everything is perfect in my life?" She let out a grunt. "You have the perfect body, you have the coolest friends, you have my Sasuke and every other guy wanting you! Still you have the perfect boyfriend so that doesn't matter. You even got rid of that baby problem of yours pretty good!" I hit her, straight in the face. "You haven't seen more of my body that I wanted you to see, I have friends because I act friendly, I don't want your fuckings Sasuke or anyone else. My perfect boyfriend is on the verge on breaking up with me and I didn't get rid of a baby problem. They were my children and I killed them! How is that dealing with a problem? I killed my own children! I hate myself, I hate my life! I want to die!"

I stole Deidaras car and drove off. I just wanted to get away, but more than anything I wanted to hit and run Sakura. That would have been great. Just perfect.


	50. Vanessa

Haha, I just got the mad idea that Ino could hit Deidara instead of Sakura and kill him! But then again, it would be a pretty retarded awesome ending… No, I should stop writing about it. Makes me want to end it like that even more. But I'm going to END this story soon. I want to start something new, or do what I should, finish some old stories. I hate reading stories and then find out that it isn't done and nothing has been published in months! I just hate that… Enough of this rambling, props to you if you read it.

I whipped my tears away. Everything happened so fast, and I knew I shouldn't be driving. I was drunk, scared, sad and crying. My phone started ringing. I didn't answer it. I didn't want to be bothered. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

Back outside Itachis house Sakura was unsure if she had won the fight or not. Ino had ran away crying, still it didn't feel like a victory. Behind her the guys stood shocked. Nobody dared to say a word. Everyone was silent. Everyone wanted to say something, but nobody dared to break the silence. Deidara tried to call her. They all knew she wouldn't answer. They all knew something bad was about to happen.

I drove up on the side of the road. I was too drunk and upset to continue. No doubt about that. I started crying, I couldn't believe I had told all that to Sakura. The one person I hate the most in this world. Life wasn't easy, and I was making it so much harder on myself. I didn't know why I did that, I wish I knew. I also wish I hadn't stormed off like that. Another question, why did I always have to make such a big scene out of everything? I wanted to be home safe in Deidaras arms, watching one of those lame movies we picked out all the time. Throwing grapes at him, watching his face when one of them hit the floor.

That was how long my happy moment lasted. I felt alone again. I was alone. Nobody knew where I was. Some random creeper could just come and kidnap me and nobody would ever find out. I laughed. Me and Deidara had indeed been watching too many crapy movies. My phone called again, I was wondering if I should answer it or not. I looked at it for a while. Not moving, mind blank. Maybe I shouldn't have screamed that I wanted to die. Not the smartest thing to scream before you steal a car and drive off drunk. Not one of the brightest moments in my life. I ignored the phone call and called someone else instead. Someone I hadn't talked to in ages.

"It's the fucking tease! I can't believe it! I haven't heard from you in ages bitch!"

I gave a little laugh. Some things never change, there's always something stable, or consistent is more the definition.

"Shout your little mouth, hoe!"

"Oh yeah! How you like me now, talking and stuff?"

We both laughed. It was nothing that seemed more right.

This was Vanessa, my old friend. I hadn't missed her, or not that much. I didn't know what made me call her now. Why was it that I called her of anyone?

"But seriously, slut, what have you been up to?"

"Oh! If only you knew! You would have had a fucking orgasm of all the crap!"

"You know your voice alone does that to me!"

She made some more that interesting sounds and I laughed.

"You know, I'm only like four hours away. Mind if I drop by while I'm in the neighborhood?"

"Fuck no! I'll just send my catch of the night on the door!"

"You're bad! That's awesome! We have so much to talk about!"

"Yeah, like me hardly ever hearing from you since you moved. You better have a hell of an explanation on that one!"

"We'll see when I get there! See you bitch!"

I got a slut from the other end before I hung up. "Sorry Deidara," I muttered and drove off.


	51. Good To Be Back

"Bitch! You got a boobjob!" Vanessa screamed and threw hereself around my neck when I arrived. I still wasn't sure what I was doing here. I was still to drunk to walk straight aswell. "I hope you have something to drink, because all the parties are dead at this time. It felt weird being in my hometown again, or my secound hometown, where I had spent my teenage years. It wasn't a big place. 4000 and something people lived here. It hadn't changed any since I had been here. That's the charm of small towns right?

"Like you don't know me!" I showed a smugg smile. "No one knows you like you do!" I walked into her house before she invited me in. This had been like a home for me, I used to spend most of my waken time here. I looked at Vanessa. She had stoped straightening her hair, it stopped right beneath her shoulder blade, her face tan looked more real that ever. Somewhere inside of me I hoped she was jealus of my real one. Not that I was that tan, it was more a healthy glow. I wouldn't look good with a deep tan. She looked good with her black hair. I found my way up to her room. I walked over to her picture wall and looked at the new one she had put up. There was a new girl there. I didn't want to ask about her. That's an important thing here, you can't act like people are wothy of your time.

"So! How's it going over there?" She closed the door behind her. "I fucked a teacher, cheating on my ex-boyfriend. That's about the biggest thing up until now." If you look away getting pregnant with him. "No-fucking-way!" she screamed. It was a girl scream! I looked around her room, nothing new. She still had that deep green wallpaper with glitter flower and butterflies on. Her old bed had been replaced with a bigger one, there was no other huge change. "Whatever, he was fuckings hot and married." Her jaw dropped. I had so missed gossiping getting reactions like that. "So what's new with you, slut?" She smiled sitting down. "Sorry to tell you this, I'm dating Justin now." It was my ex-boyfriend. A jerk, pressured me into sleeping with him. "Recycling is good." I couldn't act like I cared. Not that hard because I didn't. Vanessa smiled at me.

If you have ever seen Mean Girls, I used to be the queen bee. It… It was something I had sort of missed lately. It was easy and hurting others feelings made me feel better in some way. "Anything new around this dump?" I smiled back at her again. "Nah, not much. What happened to your style?" she commented with a raised eyebrow. I was wearing a dark purple minidress and high heels with studs on. What she reacted the most on must have been my rather dark makeup and hairdo. "It's urban style, you wouldn't understand." Right back to putting people down again. "Whatever you say slut!" I took off my shoes they were so uncomfortable and I fell down in the action. "God! I'm still a bit drunk!" I laughed laudly. She joined in, fake laugh or pitty? "Yeah, I got mad at this hella whore for fucking my ex," Vanessa smiled. This was the kind of gossip she liked. "She was so up in my case, claiming I stole _her_ boyfriend. I sad fuck her and punched her. Then I stole my new boyfriends car and drove off." She smiled even more. "That's so you!" I just rolled my eyes. "What can I say? It's just the way I live, drama everywhere. But shout up! You and Justin?" I had to talk about her a bit now, that way I wouldn't seem like a selfobessed bitch. "Yeah, he's such a cutie. He's still in the football team, the hottest, most popular guy in school." I put my finger on my lip. "Yeah, I did a great job on him. Didn't I?"

We talked a bit more before we decided to hit the bed. It was getting rather late. It was fun catching up with Vanessa again. I had totally forgotten about everyone at home, and Deidara. I slept in the next morning. It was Saturday. No school, we had off on Monday anyway. Vanessa was already up, maybe eating or something. I didn't care that hard. I checked my phone. Deidara, Itachi, Hidan and Saskue! had called me. Deidara had left several texts aswell, Itachi felt good enough with one. "Sakura is a… You know, Deidara wants to talk to you. He's worried sensless! Call him! We are all worried!" They would have to wait a little. I was taking a shower. I comes before u.


	52. Meeting Once Again

"Whore! Toast me some bread!" I yelled coming in to the kitchen surprised to see Vanessa and her mother. "Oh Ino! It's been so long, you look hotter than ever. Love what you've done to your figure!" Her mother was so cool, unless she decided she was young enough to hang out with us. "It's been way too long!" I said. She shoved Vanessas arm to make her get up and make me some toast. I was still the leader. Her mother smiled. "Mind if I invite myself to stay for the weekend?" That earned me a clap of excitement. "We can stay up late, eat ice cream and watch movies." Vanessa put down a plate in front of me. "We mom?" She started laughing. "Silly me, I'll be around if you need me thought."

"What's first on the agenda?"I asked taking a bite of my toast. "We could get together with Lauren and Daniela." She said. "Bitching." She gave me a weird look. "City slang," I explained. I loved the look on her face when I talked about the city as she was some outdated country girl. I wanted to call Deidara so I went out in the hallway. He didn't pick up and I didn't bother leaving him any message because Vanessa came. "Where's the party tonight, I want to get wasted out of my mind!" I gave her a smile. "I can call up Justin, he knows everybody, you know?" She was trying to impress me by flaunting her boyfriend. It was a reason I had dumped him. "He's still that cool?" I asked making her think I was impressed to some small extent. She nodded. "And we need to hit the mall, I didn't bring any clothes, and I don't know… Yours might be too big." My tone wasn't insulting, my look did that job. "You know, you aren't that skinny anymore, bitch." I struggled not to drop my face. "My boyfriend likes me better like this. So I don't care." Nice save.

About 40 minutes away there was something worth calling a mall. Daniela having the best car was picking us up. She pulled up the driveway in her faded yellow Lamborghini. Her bleached blond was just about as long as Vanessas, still a lot drier and damaged. She had always been jealous of my natural blond hair. I flipped it unconsciously and walked down to meet her. Thank God. I was still skinnier than her. Daniela had bulimia, I used to be anorexic. "Bitch!" She screamed getting up. "Cunt!" I yelled back. She ran as fast as she could in her heels and hugged me. "Nice ride," I commented. "Dad bought it for me when I walked in on him and mom… or someone." She giggled. Her parents were so rich! Like mine used to be, before mom got sick. I tried not to think about it. I got in the passenger seat, no way I was sitting in the back alone. "Are we picking up Lauren?" Vanessa asked. "No, she's failing chemistry so her parents won't let her out." I snorted. "If she's going to let that stop her she better stay at home! Party crapper!" Daniela got in and Vanessa jumped in the back.

"We've missed you so much!" Daniela told. "School has been soooo boring! Why have we hardly heard from you?" Vanessa answered before I could. "She's been too busy with her new flirt! Her teacher!" Daniela slammed on the breaks. "You were going to tell me when? Fuck! Why did you ever leave?" Like I would ever tell them. "It was a short thing," I said like it was nothing. That's how you take them over the top. "Lauren still single and desperate, but she's seeing enough of boys to put it that way." All three of us laughed. "We need to get you some new clothes, you're so right!" Vanessa stuck her head in the front. "It's the city style she says, I might be glad I'm living here!" I pushed her back. "Sush with you!" We laughed all over again.

I bought three outfits. I knew I really couldn't afford it, but I would figure something out. Tights in army patter, black mini… no micro shorts, a short black tight shirt with 'Let's discuss it over drinks' in white writing on, a cleavage friendly black and orange striped sweater and a white shinny mini dress with a black and pink corset to go under. "You harlot!" Daniela squealed. "You still have it in you, screw city style, you have party style!" I smiled, pleased with myself. "I still need some shoes, don't you agree?" What else would they do? We got some black high heels. They were good enough for me, didn't kill me to walk in them. We were all set for whatever party we were going to.


	53. Feeling so Safe

"So tell us about this teacher?" Daniela asked. Me and Vanessa was lying on her bed while she was sitting in her desk chair. "It was just a short thing, I ended it pretty soon 'cause I didn't want my boyfriend to find out. They both let out an Ah! Of surprise than started laughing. "You're so awesome!" Vanessa declared. I didn't answer. "So did he find out?" Daniela wanted to know. I nodded. "Yeah, so they started fighting. But he forgave me." Someone opened the door. "Wish guys were fighting over me!" I shoot up. "Lauren!"

Yes, it was clearly Lauren. She had dark brown long hair, tan but not as tan as Vanessa, manly face, but yet very feminine. "Missed up, Lonely!" She gave a short smile. So much for hugging there. "You have totally changed so have we. Not to mention that you have been ignoring us for the longest time ever!" She wasn't that happy to see us. "Whatever!" I answered. Vanessa and Daniela looked from me to her. Not sure who's side to be on. We both knew that the first one to speak would lose, so no one of us said anything. "Dress up party at Justin's house at seven." Vanessa said looking at her phone. I checked my phone, Deidara hadn't called me back. "Does anyone have any animal ears I can borrow?" Vanessa and Daniela squealed. No one did dress up parties like me. Lauren wasn't that impressed, I have her an glare of death. "Justin's parents are out of town." I leaned on my elbows. "No shut up! A home alone party!" Vanessa nodded. I so owned her, she was so wrapped around my fingers. All this by giving her some attention. She clearly wasn't the favorite in the group anymore, she used to me my left hand.

I dropped the dress and went for the corset and hot pants. Vanessa lend me some black cat ears. She was going as a mouse in a gray mini dress, Daniela was going as a leopard, she even had a black tail. I hadn't seen Lauren yet. I knew she was my competition, so I had to look better than me. Vanessa drove us to the party, Daniela was in the backseat.

When Lauren showed up I wasn't sure if I had beaten her. She wore a baby pink mini skirt with a matching baby blue top. On her head she had zebra ears. "Why are you dressed as a cow?" Daniela asked wondering. Win! I just smiled and looked around, almost nobody was outside. It was no question if there was anyone inside. The music was blasting and people screaming. "Come on biatches," I said leading the way. They followed, Lauren unhappy.

I was right. The party was wild. Vanessa went off to Justin, Lauren went over to some guy I didn't know so it was just Daniela and me left. "Where are the drinks?" I screamed so she would hear me. She pointed me to the table. There was plenty to drink. Too bad for Justin, his place was going to get trashed, good for me. I didn't bother getting a cup, I took a bottle of wine. I was getting hammered. Vanessa and Justin found me 40 minutes later. I had been mingling catching up with old friends. "Hi!" Justin screamed unsure if he could hug me or not. He decided not to. "How you been?" He yelled. I nodded as a 'yes, I've been good.' "Would you mind getting me something more to drink?" I yelled at Vanessa. She looked at the bottle I was holding up and went to find another one. I didn't need another one, you could clearly tell that I was drunk. I bent over to yell something in Justin's ear. "You're still fuckings hot, you just keep looking better." He didn't give off the reaction I wanted at first. I was in my game, I would get what I wanted. I just wasn't sure what I wanted. "You look healthy!" He answered. He wasn't sure how to react. He had changed, he had feelings for Vanessa. "Wanna go somewhere we can talk?" I was the one to ask. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the house. He was strong, he could have stopped me if he wanted.

We could still hear the music on the outside, but we didn't need to yell to hear each other. "Are you treating her right?" It was such a stupid question. "I mean, do you respect her?" Just keep digging Ino. He reacted to this. "I wouldn't her for anything, I think I love her." I gave him a kiss on the check and went inside again. I was still able to walk without help.

I found Vanessa with my wine bottle and thanked her. I went upstairs to drink it alone. I didn't know what I was doing her, I think I must have missed this life more than I had known. In the most unsafe place for me, I felt awfully safe.


	54. I Think We Should End Things Off

The phone in my pocket started ringing. I figured it was one of the girls so I didn't rush answering. I was wrong. I sat down my bottle and answered. "What the hell Ino?" Deidara was more than upset. "Whaaat?" I said playing stupid adding a giggle. "You know what I mean, do you know how worried I have been, we have all been worried. I know you have to get some stuff out of your system." I giggled some more. "Stuff, stud muffin!" I laughed loudly. "How sober are you right now?" I didn't answer, I felt like making flying sounds. "Are you safe?" I answered with a mhm. "Are you coming home soon? I'm so worried about you." A tear fell down. "I want you to know how I'm feeling!" I yelled. I was emotionally unstable. "I would if you ever talked to me!" It was true, but I was too drunk to want to understand. "That's because you don't love me anymore!" Would I ever stop? "Ino, I've said this so many times…" He was tired. I could understand. "I have to go." I said silently. "No, please! Wait!" He yelled out. I closed the phone dropping it on the floor.

I love him.

He loved me?

Why I couldn't understand that he loved me I didn't know. Maybe just because I loved him. He deserved better. I wasn't any good for him. We were all better off if I was dead.

I lay down on a bed. I was sad. I wanted Deidara, but I couldn't have Deidara. I found my phone again and wrote a text message. I had to think a long time before sending it.

"I think we should end things off."

The biggest question was if he was going to agree on it, if he would call it one of my fits.

Fuck him.

I sent the message.

I didn't care anymore.

I wasn't good for him.

I was doing him a favor.

I fell asleep.

"Ino?" It was Laura of everybody. She sat down on the bed. "I didn't know you…" She didn't continue. I had been crying in my sleep. It was wet under my face. I wonder what she knew. I hadn't told anyone anything. My head hurted. I wished I was still asleep. "Who did you…?" She looked pale, I could see that much with my blurry vision. "How could you?" I had no idea what she was talking about. "I don't understand what you're talking about." She looked me into the eyes. "How could you kill someone?"

I must have been talking in my sleep.

"I…" I started. Didn't know what to continue with, lie or the truth? She waited, not sure of what to do. "I killed my children." She looked to calm down, she even let out a little laugh. "Who knew that queen ice would have a break down after something as silly as an abortion?" I started crying. "I went into premature labor." Her laughter died. I think she first now found out how much I had changed. Why I had cut them off. She was now willing to give me my hug. I need it more now than I did then.


	55. Let Me Know

"How's that father of you doing?" Vanessa's mom asked me the next morning. "I haven't seen him in months." I said with a smile looking at my phone that was buzzing off again. He wouldn't give it up. Vanessa sent a small frown in our way. She had always hated the fact that her mom liked me better than her. "So what are you young girls up for today?" she asked both of us changing the subject. "Just hanging," Vanessa answered. "Great, I'd love to hear all about your new life." Her mom looked at me with the biggest smile ever, not sensing the growing anger in her daughter. Her mother had always been closer to me than her own daughter. Why I didn't know. I wasn't better than Vanessa in anyway, even if I acted that way. "I wanna eat breakfast out today, let's leave." Vanessa said and glared at her mother. I got up and said goodbye.

Just let me know you're alive and safe

- Deidara

He must have given up calling me. Who could have blamed him? "You sure are popular." Vanessa was keeping her eyes on the road, I was looking out the window. I wasn't sure what I wanted. Was ending things with him a drunken mistake? He sure would agree. "Do you remember in eight grade and you just wouldn't stop making out with dog boy?" I asked. I only remember because it was that day I swore to get whatever I wanted by being who everyone wanted. "Do I? I still have nightmares of his smell!" Lie, he didn't smell like dogs, he smelled good. I had gotten him in the end. We didn't mention that. We didn't speak of that.

"_What would you have rather done, admit to Sakura that you have been stealing her dirty underwear the past half year, or lay down in Kisame's bed in just your boxers, with hearts on and a rose in your mouth?" Deidara started laughing so hard. He always did at my questions. He loved them, just like I knew he loved me. _

"Where do you wanna eat?" Vanessa's voice brought me back. "I don't care, where ever they have a salad is fine with me." Salad, no croutons or dressing, often called a none food by Deidara. I had to stop thinking about him. I loved him, that was why I was doing this. It's not like he wasn't just dying to himself. I wanted a cookie, screw the salad. I'm sad, I'm allowed to eat unhealthy. I was also cold. It was one of the days you wondered what more could go wrong. When nothing seemed right and you wonder why you even got up of bed.

"_I know you're sad, I know not everything seems okey right now. Still you have me, and I kinda like the idea of us being a family. I've always wanted to be a dad. I just had to find the perfect girl first, and so I have." _

I started crying. Silently. I didn't want Vanessa to know. Like my tears and red puffy eyes wouldn't show. I wasn't a retard, I knew she would notice. "Wow! What's wrong!" So much  
for that. I allowed myself to cry now. I didn't know why I was doing this to myself. I love him and he loves me, but I make him unhappy. "I love him!" I screamed crying. Vanessa's face dropped. Maybe she thought I was talking about Justin. I looked at her, I must have looked like a mess. I was the former leader, queen of our group, and now here I am. Crying over some guy, showing defeat. "And he loves me so much, and he doesn't want to give up on me. Not even after all I've done, and I'm giving him up just like that."

I calmed down shortly, my stomach started rumbling. I gave a short laugh, Vanessa followed and I continued as if it had been the funniest thing in the world.

I don't think I can be happy without you, and even if I think so. Just the idea of losing you makes my heart hurt. And even if I've always said that our love would tear us apart, it doesn't ease the pain. If you don't need me anymore, I need you. I wish things could be simple. I wish I didn't love him this much, I wish I wouldn't love him forever.


	56. It's Too Late

It didn't take that long before I got drunk again. Just a few hours, the third day in a row I was wasted beyond reason. My heart was still hurting as I lay drunk on a lawn. It was dark outside, the stars were out. If it was cold or not I couldn't answer. I picked up my phone and called him.

"It's too late to talk about it now Ino, and if I know you right you aren't sober this night either."

All I could do was to cry. He didn't hang up on me. He wouldn't do that, he kept quiet for a while.

"I told myself that you weren't too much to handle, but this is it. Running away, getting drunk with people I don't know, I don't even know where you are. You could have gotten killed, I didn't even know if you were alive. How could you do that to me?"

"I love you!" I sobbed. I must be breaking his heart right about then. I had started this, I wish I could have taken it back. I wish I could just have loved him and let him love me.

"Do you remember that time we grilled my soya hotdogs over the candle light, because I was so hungry and the power was out?" I was making this worse, not only for me, but for both of us. Once again I was hurting him.

"Where are you going with this?" He sounded bored with me now.

"I love you," I cried once again.

"I'm hanging up now." I could hardly hear him. He did what he said after a while. Just hearing his breath in the phone was soothing to me. I fell asleep with the phone in my hand.


	57. Moving in with Itachi

I came back late that Monday. I couldn't wait to see Deidara and sort things out. I had tried to call him back, but he wouldn't answer. I didn't want to think of why he didn't. I parked his car outside the apartments. Locked the door and started walking. I found Deidara sitting on a card box outside. I stopped looking at him. It was one of the most awkward moments in my life. If you've ever walked in on your parents think of that with whips, chains and letter outfits and now multiply it with five and you're getting close.

"Hi…" He didn't answer, but I wouldn't leave until he said something. "I left your stuff outside your door." I was puzzled. "My stuff?" He nodded, not looking at me. "I cleaned my place, you can give me back my stuff whenever." His voice was monotone, ripped of emotion. "What are you saying here now?" He sighed. "As you said, ending things off." I started crying, I didn't want to end things off, I didn't want to lose him. "I didn't mean that! I was just sad and scared!" He now looked up at me. Anger was in his eyes. "I mean it Ino, I hope it was worth it." So much for being with me forever, so much for all those empty 'I love you', late nights and good memories. "I'm moving in with Itachi for a while, then I might move somewhere else." How did it come to this? When did things become so bad? I didn't say anything else to him. I walked in, picking up the box. I sat it down on my table. Almost too scared to look in it, as if something would jump out and bite off my head. I had to open it sooner or later, I voted for later. Still I couldn't stop looking at it. My phone started ringing. It was Naruto, I wasn't sure if I should answer it or not. I didn't feel like it, but I didn't want to be rude either. I threw it on the couch, I could always call him back.

I slowly opened the box. No head eating monster jumped out. I found some of my clothes, some books and magazines. What hurted the most was the pictures he had put in. Like I wanted them more than him, I bet they weren't even mine, that he just put them there to mess me up. Well fuck him! At the bottom of box was all the silly letters I had written to him and the key to my front door. I screamed and threw it away. I was all alone now. I had no one. All my friends were Deidaras friends. I wouldn't want them to choice between us, not that they wouldn't pick Deidara. It would just feel so wrong to do that to them. I hadn't meant it, I didn't want us to breakup, I wanted to be with him. I loved him. I went to the refrigerator and found a bottle of wine and went to bed. Drunk and crying I fell asleep.

I wake up early the next day. My hangover wasn't all too bad. I was able to stand up without feeling like a train wreck. I went to take a shower. I didn't really care if school had started or not. I would get there when I got there. It would be my first day in ages. I got out of the shower, got dressed and put on some makeup. I wondered if I was hungry or not, I decided that I didn't deserve any food. I looked at my watch. I would surprisingly be five minutes before school started. My first class would be anatomy. I've heard that it is sooo much fun! I grabbed my bag and went. I had no reason to sit around and wait.

I sat down in the back of the classroom. Only losers and geeks sit in front. I flipped up my phone to see if I had missed anything sleeping, maybe some part of me wish to see a text from Deidara about how he missed me and wanted me back. I had decided to not cry over him, anymore. Things would work out between us. He was just tired right now, and I can't blame him. Now can I? I let out a sigh. I was already bored of school. This was going to be a long, long day.


	58. Sweater Obsession

Azuma was lecturing about veins when a flustered girl came in. she had light brown and something between wavy and curly hair, her fair skin tone made her look as fragile as porcelain. Her eyes were searching. Even if she looked stressed and flustered she had this cool around her. I didn't know what it was, but it was something. Azuma acknowledged her a nod in my direction. I noticed that the only empty seat was beside me. Curses, when did I start using the word curses? When did I fully know myself? That's a question without any answer. I blew a bubble with my chewing gum. All to give her the image that I was bored and didn't care. She said hi, but I ignored her. I was in a bad mood, and anything could set me off. Maybe I was more mad than sad about the breakup? No, I wasn't allowing myself to feel it. "Did I miss anything important?" the girl asked. "Do I look like I care?" I asked her looking at her with a monotone expression on my face. She gave a giggle, yeah. That was fucking hilarious.

I wasn't sure who I could sit with at lunch. Walking down the hallway Kisame walked up to me. What he wanted to do with me I wasn't sure, we weren't the closest. "Deidara who asked Itachi who made me ask you if you had his green sweater at your place." Kisame didn't look anyway near happy. "Tell him to fuck off or ask me himself." Kisame raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't he be 'fucking off' if he wasn't talking to you?" I didn't bother answering and walked passed him. I wasn't up for any immaturities, even if I had to give a little giggle, little Itachi bossing huge Kisame around. Deidara gave me some evil glare from the table so I flipped him the bird. I think we're going to makeup at anytime. Since I hadn't anyone to sit with I went home finishing the bottle of wine from last night. The schools policy on drinking? A zero tolerance. The teacher's policy? If we can't see it, it doesn't exist.

After lunch I had religion. The stupidest most pointless subject ever or something like that. Brown hair sat next to me again! Didn't she get the point? I didn't like her, I spent all first hour letting her know. "I'm Tenten by the way. I'm new and I don't have any friends yet, so I was so happy when I saw that you didn't have any friends either." She gave the most disgusting smile ever. "First of all, I do have a lot of friends, and you're not going to be one of them!" She was still smiling, so disgusting. "I know you're upset, it isn't being the one who doesn't have any friends." I was ready to kill. "Listen up little miss preppy! I do have friends, now go and play in traffic." People are so annoying, why do they even exist. This Tenten spent most of class taking notes, if not she was answering questions. I took the time to study her clothes, no cleavage showing and dress pants. Such a geek!

Major geek wants to be my friend, you should have heard her, V!

I was the first one to text Vanessa since I had left, but it was okey since I was making fun of someone. She just wanted to be nice, but that wasn't important in this case. "You should pay attention in class." I gave her a glare of death. How annoyingly perfect was she? I got a text, but it wasn't from Vanessa.

So do you have his sweater, he doesn't stop whining about it! I want to put a bullet in his brain. If you don't have the sweater, please tell me you have a gun!

It was from Itachi, I was pretty sure I didn't have any green sweaters. Blond hair and green doesn't go that well together. Why would he be so obsessed about a sweater?


	59. Didn't I mean Anything to Anyone?

_And I'm telling you that I'm letting you go now. I've always thought we'd make it through somehow. _

I looked at this bitter red liquid pour out of the bottle and down in the glass. I hadn't found any green sweater, but I found the black shirt he used to sleep in, well sometimes. He mostly slept shirtless once we knew each other good enough. It still smelled like him. I had always thought it was just in the movies girls cling to items that resembled or smelled like their ex-boyfriends. My life is very real so I guess it's not a myth. I wondered what he was doing right now. Wondered if he was thinking of me, he couldn't forget me that fast, could he? No that was nonsense. My race of thoughts was interrupted by my stomach growling. It cried out of pain, but I wouldn't listen.

I called him again last night. He wouldn't answer. He wouldn't let me hear his voice, I missed it. I missed him. Nothing was the same without him. It was so empty. I didn't know a breakup would do so much to me. Had I really loved him that much? It felt like my life depended on him. When did I get so dependant? I threw myself against the toilet bowl. Classy, but no one was there to witness my sad hangover. It was me and the emptiness. I got some puke in my hair. I had to take a shower making me even later for school. Why I even bothered showing up was a mystery to me.

It was awkward seeing Sasuke around again. He smiled to me, I growled. What did he think? That everything would be okey? Wait, I didn't growled, it was my stomach again. Gosh, my head hurt. Teacher creep liked himself around the mouth. We hadn't gotten into any arguments yet this year. I didn't see that Tenten girl around, yet I could feel her looking at me. I didn't know what I had against that poor girl. She hadn't done me anything. I had done it all myself. What was the point of all this?

I skipped school before art class. I loved the subject, but hated the teacher. She was an old, nasty, outdated whore! Maybe not whore, since she was ugly and nobody liked her. I went over to the liquor store. I had run out of anything drinkable. I ran in to Sasori who gave me the worst glare of death I could ever dream about. I didn't know what it was all about. He didn't say anything, but I knew I hadn't done him anything. He didn't have any reason to be mad at me that I knew of. I found my fake id just in case and went to pay. Money saved from not eating was spent on alcohol. I fooled myself by saying I wasn't starving myself to look better again, alcohol has a lot of carbs. It was a perfect combination of needing to lose weight and punishment. None of which are good, nobody was there to stop me anymore.

I went back to my place. I didn't know if school was out yet. I called Deidara before I started drinking this time. I was sent to voicemail. I didn't leave a message. Could words really change anything at this point? Didn't I mean anything to him? Didn't I mean anything for anyone?


	60. He's Sleeping

_Do you really regret late nights, time spent with me and plans for the future? Do you deny every memory with us?_

"So then he gave me too much money! So I had to give it back to him, the only problem is that I had gone home…" I was halfway listening to Tentens lame shopping story. I used to love shopping. I hadn't shopped in ages. I felt like I didn't know myself anymore. I didn't feel… I didn't feel good. "Tenten, shut up!" I said. She looked at me with a confused look. "I wasn't talking…" she said quietly. She must have stopped without me noticing. "That was just such an awesome story!" I couldn't bear to see the hurt in her eyes. She just wanted to be accepted, to have a friend.

The moon was bright tonight. It looked so small, yet it was so big. I wondered what was out there. About what people might not know, but yet it is there. If nobody knew about it, did it still exist? Was it still real? Gosh, I hated Pinã Colada. I hated drinking every night, still I did. It seemed so pointless, drinking, life, the moon. What the fuck was the moon good for anyway? It was just hanging there. It doesn't do anything, fuck the moon. I started crying. I wasn't sure why, I had so many reasons. I felt pathetic, but I was just lonely and heartbroken. I felt so alone in this world. I could just die and nobody would care. I wasn't worth a tear, but he was worth so many.

He had gotten back with this Karin girl. She told me at school. I punched her, I wasn't ready. I couldn't handle it. I didn't think he would be over me that soon. I didn't think he would completely ignore me. He never returned my phone calls. He didn't care about me anymore. I was dead to him. I also felt bad for eating a tofu burger. Fuck Burger King. I started crying even harder while laughing. Someone once told me that life is what you make of it. I fished out my phone and called Itachi.

"He's sleeping." There wasn't any hallo. I could read what he was feeling from the tone of his voice. "Who is sleeping?" He sighed. "Deidara…" I missed having him sleep next to me, I missed waking up next to him. "I don't want to talk to him. Or I do, but I called to talk with you." What I wanted to talk about him I didn't know. "I don't know…" What was his problem? Talking with his best friend's ex-girlfriend only a few days after they broke up was only totally awkward. "What do you want to talk about?" I smiled a little. "Did you look at the moon tonight?" I asked. "No, what about it?" I wasn't sure if he was amused or annoyed. "It's hanging there!" I started laughing. "Who are you talking with?" I heard from the background. I stopped laughing and hung up.

You can call me weak. I am. I wasn't sure how to react, so I ran away. I put on my coat and went for a walk. Where I was going I didn't know. I wanted to get away. I didn't want to hang around my dark apartment anymore. It couldn't be any good for my mental health. The city looked beautiful in the dark. There weren't a lot of people outside. It might have been dinnertime. _He's sleeping. _Yeah, right. That's not a lie! When things feel too good to be true, it will go wrong. I bit my tongue. The iron like taste of blood woke me up. He isn't the only one in this world. Why should I be the one who was sad when I was the one who broke up with him? Right? It worked right and there. I went into a Barnes and Noble Starbucks and ordered diet mocha. I sat down in a corner. I had always thought future writers and hot book nerds hung here. The truth hurts, they are all fat, old and here with their wife. I wondered if I would ever have my own old fat guy.


	61. We Can Still Be Friends, Right?

It felt good not waking up with a hangover. I was still expelled for hitting Karin. I didn't feel like getting up just yet. I spent my morning painting my nails. Deep red, I decided against black. Red is much more seductive. I had to get back on my game, I had to get over him. There was always a way.

"Hi, Vanessa. Why don't you come over to my place this weekend?" I giggled. "Boo! You whore! You couldn't have called earlier? I'm kinda busy." Too bad. "Boo, who's the whore?" We both laughed. My laugh was as fake as could be. "We just have to do something later!" Vanessa shouted almost too loud. "Whatever, cunt! Call you later, love you bitch." I hung up. What was I thinking? She had other friends, I was last in line. I wasn't used to this. I found Tentens number. I wasn't sure about this, I didn't really want to talk to her, but some part wanted to.

"Tenten, meet me at the mall after school. Outside Victoria's Secret, be there or be forgotten." She hadn't picked up. She was still in class I figured. I put on some high heels, hot pants, a black tank top and a jeans jacket. I think it was rather hot outside. I got on a bus and went down to the mall. I went and bought an apple first. It might stop me from fainting and if I was lucky my stomach wouldn't rumble. I waited 36 minutes for Tenten. She looked uncomfortable. "I'm not sure if my mom would like me being out on weekdays…" I smiled at her. "First of all, rules are made to be broken, and I simply don't care. I need to shop, and I don't shop alone. You want to be my friend, you have to do some sacrifices." I smiled at her. She wasn't sure about this, I wouldn't be either. Then again I was the ruler, I wasn't being ruled. She slowly nodded. "But I have homework, so I can't stay here for long." I giggled. "I'm only getting some underwear… By the way, you need a makeover." Tenten looked down at her clothes. I did not want to start on what was wrong with her outfit.

"So you really bring friends when you shop underwear?" Tenten asked. I raised my brow. "Yes, I need something sexy." She turned red. "And… You need my help, all I wear is comfortable underwear." She was getting more embarrassed by the second. "That's only when you keep it one for too long." Now she looked confused. "I change underwear everyday…" I started laughing, then she realized what I was talking about. "What about… Saving yourself." She was so funny. "That's not the way you get well liked, and you don't want to be a tease." We found some underwear for myself, and I even found some outfits for Tenten. If she was going to be my friend she couldn't look like a none from the 1600hundreds.

I was pretty happy until I came home. Then it all become all so real again. I called Itachi again. "Is Deidara there?" Now I was the one who skipped the hello. "No, he's out having dinner…" I smiled. "Okey, mind if I come over. I'll leave before it gets too late." He considered it. "If too late means before he comes back." I happily came over to his place knocking on his window. He opened and looked out. "Hey thare! "he said. I didn't answer and climbed in. "So, what do you want?" Itachi asked still not all comfortable. "We should still be able to be friends right? It's not like we broke up, nothing has to change between us." I was right, my motives weren't. "Yeah…" He seemed to relace more now. I slumped down on his couch. "Do you have anything to drink?" He must have thought I was rude from his raised eyebrow so I added a please. He gave me a small bottle of vodka.

We sat there a while in silence. Not in an uncomfortable silence, but silence none the less. "Why did you do this to him?" Itachi was the first one to break the silence. "He was the one." He seemed more relaxed after that. We stayed quiet for a while, but once again Itachi would break the silence. "Why are you here?" I finished my bottle and put it down on the table. "I'm lonely when I'm home." Itachi looked over at me. Loneliness was a feeling he knew all too well.


	62. The Sea

You know how you feel when you get in a situation you expected to end up in but realized it wasn't the smartest thing? Yeah, and then you end up in a situation even worse and wonder how that ever happened? Then you just feel like dying, because you're so embarrassed, sad, guilty or just plain miserable.

I had kissed him. He seemed to want it, he didn't stop me. He's a boy, why would he? Things went bad from there, really bad. I shouldn't have even kissed him, but that didn't stop me from opening his pants. He didn't stop me now either, still being a boy. He even helped me pulled them down to his ankles, not bothering to even kick them off. I went down on my knees on the floor. It was all about pleasuring him, I didn't deserve any. I sort of hoped that he would stop me when our eyes meet. All I got was the nod of approval. I now had a job to do.

The floor was filthy, the couch was filthy, the room was filthy, my actions were filthy, I was filthy, and this whole thing was filthy. It was wrong in so many ways. I hated myself for doing it, but some part of me was convinced I needed this. I started crying, hoping none of my tears would fall on him or he would notice it in any way. I wouldn't count on it. He had his eyes closed and hands on the back of the couch. He was being a man.

What happened from there was even sadder. It was from there it all went wrong. This was supposed to be between me and Itachi, no one else. "I still love her, I have to..." He stopped. He turned pale. He didn't look alive. His heart wasn't. Itachi found a pillow to cover himself, I pulled away hearing the most disgusting 'plop' I had ever heard. Deidaras eyes where shacking, tearing up. He couldn't believe them. He couldn't believe he just saw what he did. I whipped my moth with the back of my hand. This was uncomfortable silence.

"I... Uh... It's..." I didn't know what to say, but not much could make it worse. "I don't want to hear it." His voice full of anger, his eyes small. Could this ever be explained? I had to try something. "It's not like we're together!" Itachi must have decided to stay out of it and zip his pants. "I'm very much aware of that right now," was his cold reply. "This would never have happened if you had at least talked to me! Do you know how bad that made me feel?" I was screaming, I didn't mean to scream. "Sure! Give me the blame for you sucking off my best friend!" He was right, it was absurd. Still it sounded right in my absurd mind.

It must have been the worst night in my life. I would have been kicked out 27 times and broken up with him 40 more times to avoid this. The hate and disgust in his eyes couldn't cover up the hurt. "Please!" I begged crying. "Please what? I don't want your stories!" I grabbed my jacket and ran out. I didn't want to know what happened in that room next. I felt so bad, I felt like dying. I ran down to the harbour. I sat down watching the sea crying. I had always been so afraid of drowning, still I loved the water. "Angles should never play with demons." I remembered those words. Deidara had said it last summer. I got up and threw up behind a bush. That's how bad I was crying.

I sat down on the bench again finding a pack of cigarettes. I didn't care if I had been able to quit. I didn't care if it wasn't healthy. I wasn't healthy, nothing I ever did was any good. I found a bottle of something white, most likely more vodka. I lay down on my back and looked at the sky, wondering if I could go one night without getting drunk. Some part of me doubted, the other part didn't want to see. I closed my eyes. I didn't know if I liked listening to the sea better or not. It was so soothing. Nothing mattered to the sea. It did whatever it wanted, it didn't have a care in the world.

I'm only going to make a few more chapters and then I'm done! I also found out that I have British with spell check on my word! I can write colour again without it turning into color! OH! I see red now! Ehem... I'm not psycho, my mother had me tested...


	63. Lessons in My Past

It's all so pointless. We're born, we live, we die and we are gone. That's how it goes. That's what it is. We all picture life being something great, death isn't a part of it. We all said 'when I grow up,' nobody said 'if I grow up.' As children we didn't know how harsh the world is. Not a single one of us would ever think we would get thrown out of our parents home. That our mother would die. Closest best friend would part, best friends forever doesn't mean a thing. It's just a phrase.

When we turn 12 we start understanding why we can't have candy all the time, why mom spends her days in her room sleeping. We didn't understand why she went to the hospital. We didn't understand why our father got upset at us. His hand stung harder than his words at the time, but they were the one who was going to haunt us. We might not even have understood the meaning of them all at the time they were said. We did know that money had to come from somewhere. When dad quit his job and mom got too sick to work all we could do was to wait for her to die so we would get money.

That went fast, because we couldn't afford the hospital bills anymore. When you're 14 you understand that your mother is dead. You understand why your mother died. You understand the way your father is treating you is wrong. You understand all the names he's calling you. You understand every word he says. You understand what acting out means, because it's all you can do. You understand that it'll get you in trouble. You know that your father isn't supposed to touch you that way. You know that father and daughter isn't supposed to do that, at least you aren't blood related. It's a small comfort, but it's something when everything is dark.

Something you learn when you're 14 is that teachers that are there to protect you rather turn a blind eye than do your job. When you ask the nurse for birth control pills, she'll just shrug it off. Teens mature faster now a days, and girls before boys. I had been active for a year, but it didn't mean I was ready for it. Nobody had ever asked me anyway. Nobody had ever cared for me the last three years or so. Even thought you were the coolest in the group. It's a small comfort when everything is dark.

When you've turn 15 you know what the ultimate rebellion is. Staying out all night getting drunk and do whatever drugs you can get a hold of. It doesn't matter as long as it gets you away from the reality at home. You don't care what happens to you, you have been through it twice already. You start building a reputation, maybe it would scare people away if they ever found out. But you wouldn't have to cover up anything anymore. You ended up in a fight because you were drunk and got annoyed. You're sore simply because he was hot. You didn't show up for school because you were hung over, or you just didn't care.

When you turn 16 and your father apologizes saying he's seen Gods light you know that there isn't such a thing. If there was you wouldn't have been suffering as you were. You know that changing is hard, but it's good for you. You don't want to die just yet, still some habits are hard to change. You try to keep straight and away from the bad crowd. You succeeded, but trouble is following you. You understand what being thrown out means, it means that you're homeless. You know that a good friend will help you out. You learn what it means having a good friend. You understand what a mother is, what being pregnant means, you didn't know it could happen to you so early. You know what an abusive boyfriend. You know you have to get out, but nobody ever thought you how. You get to know that love has been the one that's always been there for you. You know you wouldn't do anything to hurt him, but you'll learn that it's all you've ever done.

When you're 17 you understand that a letter can't take away the pain, but you know that nobody is there to care.

I called Deidara. He picked up, but he didn't say anything. It was okey, I just needed him to hear. "I'm jumping."


	64. So Much For Life

I was back on the harbor after a few days. I wasn't kidding. He didn't answer. What was he doing? I was crying, looking down. It didn't look scary, it looked tempting. I didn't think I really wanted to do it. I just wanted him to listen to me, to talk to me again. They say that must suicides are a cry for help. "Please, I didn't sign up for this crap, okey?" Not what I had expected. "I know you're sad and stuff, but keep it real. I'm not coming out to get you, you don't deserve any of my time. Not after everything you have done. I know you're playing, I don't wanna play your games anymore." The worst thing is that he didn't sound mad. It sounded more like he was talking to a small child. "Thank you…" I said and hung up. I jumped down from the rail. He didn't care if I was dead or not.

I went home, still crying. Nothing felt real, I didn't belong here. I screamed while looking for a knife in the kitchen. I was now more mad than sad now. He didn't care. I might as well be dead to him. Maybe I even was. I found a suited knife, just sharp enough. I sat down on the floor. It's down the road, not across the street. It was such a stupid saying. You don't kick your ball down the street, it goes across the road, and the grass is greener on the other side. Nobody goes down the road, it's no fun. There were so many things wrong with that saying. Not that I would even go for the arm. It's such a cliché. No, the wrist cutting was so over used. I lifted my skirt slightly and sliced up my thighs. I could do both sides with an ease. It's also the shortest way to blood.

I didn't care if I died or woke up at that time. I just had to do something, I had to act. As stupid as it might have been. He was my boyfriend, I ruined, I'm the one suffering. I knew I was to blame, but why didn't he care? All I wanted was for him to care about me. For him to be able to look at me, talk at me. Now he didn't stand me, he hated me. He wanted me dead!

I was acting like a puppy, I wasn't getting enough attention. I was willing to do so much for attention. I hated to admit that it was the case. I both hated and loved attention at the same time. I was used to getting it my way among friends. There was only one way in fact, my way. I didn't know how to react when he broke my heart. I have been broken hearted many times. What would cause me to act this way now I wasn't sure. Maybe it was as he said? I needed to get it out of my system? Was it that he had broken every promise he had ever given me? That every 'I love you' that had ever come out of his mouth was a complete lie? Maybe he had loved me at one point. He didn't anymore.

I was an awful person, always thinking about myself, but when did I became so weak? Did it really take so little to knock me over? Who was he to do this towards me? I loved him sure, but he wasn't worth my life! And it wasn't like I wouldn't have grown bored and dumped him anyway. What is real love? It's nothing, real love doesn't exist. It's just something made up to make us feel better, when it ended up doing the opposite. I didn't hate my life, I hated the world. In some way that made me feel better. I regretted ever doing this to myself.

I was getting cold, it hurt. I didn't want this. I wanted to live, I wanted to show him just how much better I was than him. I wanted him back. I wanted to be happy once again. To do that I needed to live.

I wasn't able to stand up, so I had to drag myself over to the phone.

It was too late, reaching over everything went black.

So much for a change of plans, so much for life.


	65. Where it had Come to This

I groaned. I was hungy, my stumach hured. It wasn't too bad if you didn't think about it, but it was still there. Maybe I should eat? I should have done a lot of things, didn't I would do them. I was cold too, I was always cold when I didn't eat. My head hurted from the hunger and alcohol aswell. I felt misserable. I opened my box of painkillers, took two and swallowed down with some wine. I waited a while before I got up and went to change my bandages. It was the first time I studied them. They were disgusting. I threw up and cried for a while. I felt bad for doing this to myself. When had it come to this?

Someone started knocking on the door. "Coming!" I yelled from the bathroom. The knocking didn't stop so I put a bathrobe around myself and went to open. That's where it had come to this. I let him in. He looked mad, upset. He looked at my face, then down at my legs and looked away disgusted. "I was just…" I said silently, he nodded so I didn't continue. "I'm just gonna go and finish…" I said walking past him, giving him time to wipe away the unseen tear. He looked over at my table, at last night's past time activity. Three bottles of wine and a half eaten rice cake.

I came back, the whole thing was so awkward. "You can sit down," I offered to break the silence. I looked down at the floor, too scared to look at him. "No, I'll be leaving soon." Then the silence again. It was so uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" He cut me off my raising his finger. "You're too smart to not mean anything like that!" I started weeping. It was silent, but there were tears. "Why?" was his question. I bit my lower lip. It was something I didn't want to answer, but knew I had to. "Do you think I'm happy?" I yelled. He looked at me with a stone face "Do you think I am?"

He walked over at me. Took his hand under my chin and lifted my head. "What made you change your mind about jumping, and what pushed you over the edge again?" I looked into his eyes. "You." He took his hand away. I could see in his eyes that he was hurt. Yes, he knew it was a possibility, but he didn't want to acknowledge it. "I've been wondering if I did the right thing. When I saw you with Itachi, I was so sure that you were over me. That what we had meant nothing to you." I didn't have anything to say to that, it was all wrong, but I was so lost at the moment. "All I wanted was for you to fight for us!" I slapped me. "Tell me that I didn't try! Tell me that I didn't care and I swear to God!" He was put back at my raised voice. He then smiled a sly smile. I didn't find any meaning in it.

He bent over and whispered something in my ear. I slapped him once again. All he did was to smile. I couldn't believe him. He then left without another word.


	66. Gossip: Sad End

It was a sad morning in the city. News traveled quickly. Two teens had killed themselves last night. One had hung himself, the other one from alcohol poisoning and an overdose of painkillers. Gossipers would talk about their groups, where the two suicides related?

Yes, yes they were related. They were each the reason for the other killing themselves. Was it planned? Perhaps, but not together. No, if they knew they would have talked each other out of it. It was a sad love story. It was two broken lives, and they broke each other's hearts. What was sad is that they still loved each other.

If he hadn't whispered to her that he loved her, if she hadn't rejected him, they might both have been very much alive today. It's the kind of thing that happens, but it's just as sad every time. One can't help but to think what if? We all know that it's too late.

The hardest it must have been for whatever family they left behind. For the first time in year mother heard news about her long lost son. It was what she had expected to hear, not what she had wanted. He was dead, she would never see her baby again alive. She knew that he didn't love her, but she had never stopped loving her son. It must have been all the fighting that drove him away. What had she ever given him? She divorced her no-good husband. Oh how they used to fight, how scared he would be every time. To get money she had to start working the streets. Once again her baby would be scared. When old enough he had ran away. He was tired of balancing both of his parents. The conditions he had been brought up in. They both wanted him, it wasn't fair what they did.

What she once had was gone. She didn't have any relatives to be missed by. With her death her father became a free man. Their secret would be taken to the grave. He didn't know that she had told. She had promised she never would, he had made sure she was too scared to do so. If she wasn't scared of death, why should she no longer be scared of him? So yes, she had told. He had told others again. Itachi knew that even with her letter it wouldn't be enough proof to make up a case. It wouldn't have mattered to her anyway. She didn't care. She just wanted everyone to know what an bastard he was. Itachi could very much handle that job.

When we're talking about their friends, they could see her doing something like that. She had been going downhill the last year or so, but him! He was a surprise. Nobody had expected him to do anything rush like this. Yes, they all knew that he loved her, but taking his own life in that way? That was something they couldn't wrap their head around. It seemed so pointless, they could have worked things out. They could have gotten over each other. Maybe there was something more into? Something they didn't know. Was he in debt? Was he depressed? Was he failing school? The answer would be no to every one of these questions. Had he been murdered? Had she killed him? But then why make it looked like he killed himself if she wasn't going to get punished for it anyway?

Karin and Sakura partly blamed themselves for her death. That's just how stuck up they are. They should have known that their words never mattered to her. Still she would have been amused seeing how terrible they were feeling. They weren't alone about blaming themselves. Soon after the shock had left, it was time to point the finger. They were right in front of it. They were frowned upon as murderers. The others didn't want to think about his suicide while blaming them. It didn't fit in their story. No, but then again what was the story? They will never know. They would never fit the pieces together, because one was missing. Not even Naruto, who swore to find the truth after failing her, would even come close.

After many years, the story of the two lovers would be told. They had been madly in love, they were expecting their firstborn. They couldn't wait. They loved this baby so dearly before it even was born. Then tragedy struck them. She had a miscarriage. The baby didn't make it, it died. She fell into depression, he was faithful to his wife. He wouldn't leave her, but he was just as heartbroken as her. They had loved this child so much. They never recovered. They tried having another baby, but she couldn't have another baby. This was the death sentence for them. All she ever wanted was to have a baby, all he ever wanted for her to be happy. So as a last attempt to be happy, they together decided to join their unborn child on the other side. In true Romeo and Juliet style they had ended their life together as lovers.

The truth was a different story.

He had asked her to hang on for his sake. She didn't want to hear any of it. She couldn't live with this pain. She had sat down on the couch getting ready to take her pain killers to numb the pain from her legs when the deadly idea hit her. She took her pain killers swallowed them one by one with drinking one bottle for him, a second one for her, the third one for them and the fourth for the happy future they would never have. It wasn't a painful death, she died sleeping. He had felt that something was wrong. He worried about her, he still cared about her. Getting closer and closer he felt that something was wrong. The door hadn't been locked since he had left. She was sleeping on the couch. It was cold in the room so he decided to put a blanket over her. It was then he noticed she was getting cold. Worried about her he placed his hand on her forehead. Yes, she was getting cold. It wouldn't take him long to notice that she wasn't breathing. She wasn't with him anymore. Her heart wasn't beating. It was too late for her, she was dead. He didn't know what to do. Tears quickly filled his eyes running down his face making room for more of them.

He rushed home. Parked his car in the garage. He could hardly breathe at this moment. She wasn't there with him anymore. The world seemed like a much darker place at that moment. His angel had died, she didn't want this life anymore. He knew what he had to do at that moment. He got up and silently went into the study. He wrote a short note to Itachi, thanking him for being his friend. He silently place it under his pillow without waking him. Went back to the garage. Tied a rope to a metal pole on his garage port. "I'll always love you!" he screamed kicking away the stool from beneath his feet. He would break his neck, joining his loved one in death.


	67. His Death: Living Without You

I was standing on the harbour, looking down at the waves that had claimed him. I couldn't help wondering if it was my entire fault, in more than one way. Was I the one who gave him the idea? 'I'm jumping.' I never jumped, I never would, he did.

It now made sense. What he had whispered in my ear. 'The cold water will wake me up.'

I hadn't thought of it in that way, I didn't think of it at all. I was just enjoying having him close to me, his body heat, his scent, his breath on my ear. It had been all about me.

Now it was all about me again, missing him.

Nothing I could ever say or do could bring him back. I think that was the worst part, knowing that he was gone forever. We weren't just broken up, he hadn't moved away. He was gone. He would never fully grow up, he wouldn't be here anymore with me. He would never become anything. There was so much that he was missing out on. He would never finish school, he would never get married, he would never buy his first house.

I can still remember the look on Itachis face as he told me. How my reality, my world shattered. He was there for me, Itachi, he really cared about me. Still it didn't help on the pain, it only helped coping with it. Nothing could take away the pain I was feeling. I loved him, now he was gone. I didn't want to believe it at first. He was happy, he wouldn't do this. No, not him, he wasn't the one to take his own life. I guess his casket told me otherwise.

The day of his burial didn't feel real. I got to meet his father. I think he was rich, I could see why Deidara hadn't liked him, but running away from him seemed a little extreme. Still I didn't know him. He asked me if I was his girlfriend. I didn't know what to say to that. Deidara was gone so it wasn't like I could ask him.

I would often wake up several times during the night after having nightmares about him drowning. I would turn around getting ready to knock on the wall, but someone else lived there now. He wouldn't come knocking on my door anymore. He was gone, he would never come again. Life is a fucking game, and he lost it, still I cry.

"Didn't he say anything?" I asked Itachi as I had many times before. I had started spending a lot of time with him. We didn't talk much, but we were still grieving. He shook his head. I wanted to know what his last words were. What he had done since he had left me. What made him do it. I needed to know, I wanted to know so badly. I became obsessed with it. I spent all my time wondering, asking, trying to figure out. He hadn't gone straight to the harbour. He had spent the night with someone. I needed to know who that was.

Little did I remember that he spent his last night with me. I was too high on painkillers to remember. I would never remember that night. It was our last time together and I didn't remember. It might have been for the best that I didn't remember. I would have had even more reason to hate myself. To blame myself for his death, I might have been one of the reasons, but it wasn't me that had jumped. I had to remember that on days that are harder than others. On days that his son asked me why his father was never there to push his swing on the playground. When I finally graduated from college, the day I started going out with Hidan. I felt like I was cheating on him, but I was only moving on. On days that I hated our son, because he looked so much like his father. On days that I hated Deidara for leaving.

I would never get over him. I tried, so many times. I wanted to, in the end. I was sick of feeling like this. You know when your skin is irritated and burning? That's how my heart feels like. Everything something brings me to think of him.

"When we grow up, we're going to get married, have three children. First a boy, then a girl and then another boy, and we're going to have a dog. We live out in the country so we can have whatever animal you want, but I and Dan want a dog. Dan is what we're going to call our first son, but we're going to argue if we like Simon better, but then we find out that Simon isn't really us... And..." then I had hit him. "Thanks for deciding my life!" Never would we laugh like that again.

I got to that point that I was so mad at Deidara for ever leaving me. What hurted most is that I never was told really why he did it. I was left alone to wonder. I wondered a lot. If I hadn't broken up with him, if I hadn't ran away, if I had tried harder, if I had known.

Deidara, it hurts so bad, living without you.


	68. Her Death: The Swing

A 24 year old male bend down. His shirt slid up and you could clearly see the big tattoo he had on his lower back. It was a feminine place to have a tattoo, and having the name of your loved one didn't help. Still it looked good on him. He wasn't seeing her anymore, so everybody thought he had done a huge mistake when he told them it was the name of his former girlfriend. They never asked for the part of the story explaining why he got it. Yes, it was the name of his former girlfriend, and he had gotten it after they had ended their relationship. Ended it forever. Yes, he had the name Ino written in italics on his back, remembering the love of his life too delicate for this world. The world didn't have a place for a beauty like her. He should have known, her mind was so fragile. He should have been there for her.

It was too late now, she was gone, and he was still here. He didn't want to follow her. He wasn't the person to do such a thing. It wasn't that he loved life so much, he was living in the hope that one day things would be better, one day would pass where he didn't think of her, one day his heart didn't hurt. When would that day come? He was still waiting.

The child in front of him held up a book. Alice in Wonderland, it was her favorite book. She used to read it all the time. "Want me to read it for you?" he asked. The little girl nodded and gave him the book. He sat down and placed him on his lap.

"I refuse to ever grow up. They all want me to act responsible, mature and decent. I'm not like that. I'll never bend down for them. When I look back at my life, it'll be with a smile. I'll travel the world and find love. It doesn't matter what you do, where you go or what others think if you're not happy. Life is given to you for you to spend it on things you want to. You only live once. You have one chance at getting it right. Make it or break it. When you leave this place you should be happy. Your life should be an adventure. Love life, always."

The children was never interested in the story, they wanted him to read the note on the first page. The one that she had written, when she once was happy. She once had been so happy. "Is she happy now?" the child asked chewing on her finger. "Are you happy when you're sleeping?" he asked looking down at her. "I don't know I'm sleeping when I'm sleeping!" she said as a matter of fact. Deidara smiled a sad smile and let her down. He loved working with children. At the moment he was working at a kindergarten. He would never have children of his own, but he did love them.

He packed himself in tightly and went out in the cold. He walked past the playground they used to go to in the dark.

"_Push me higher!" she screamed giggling. "How old are you again?" he pushed a last time and got on the other swing. "Mm, so many years!" She held up three fingers and laughed some more. He joined her. It all seemed so great. "I love you, you know that right?" She stopped her swing and looked at him. He stopped as well. She got up and ran over to him. He waited for his 'I love you too.' Instead she sat down on his lap. "We'll fall down." She didn't care, she kissed him. He kissed her back. "Small things like that don't matter when I love you." _

It had been the first time they ever told they loved each other. They had shared many memories at that place. Some he had forgotten, some he would remember until the bitter end. The buildings felt pressuring after leaving the park. They were so tall and dark, this even if it was still daytime. He rushed passed. The darkness made him depressed, made him feel all alone. He gazed at a poster. It was an ice cream advertisement. He laughed thinking about how much she loved ice cream. She would buy a big tub, take a few spoons and give it to him, worried about gaining weight. Peppermint was the only one she wouldn't even share. He smiled and tightened his scarf.

Two girls rushed past him dressed in short skirts. They were about the same age as her was when she… it was all the small things that reminded him of her. Things that were all around. He picked up a cigarette. A habit he should have stopped, but he wasn't worried about dying young.

"_You're asking me if I want cancer on a stick?" she asked looking at him. He looked guilty down on the cigarettes he was holding. Her slender fingers grabbed one. "Do you have a light?" The cigarette hung loosely on her bottom lip. She made smoking look so good. "Yeah, you."_

Menthol cigarettes had been her favorite, she didn't do things plain. It had to be something special about it. The only thing she had ever done was vodka, sometimes even straight from the bottle. The favorite was if she wanted some lemon in it, she would push the lemon down her bottle and shake it. She had been one of a kind. Nothing would ever come close to her. He had to stop by the grocery store and get some bread.

His house was dark; Itachi must have been on a business meeting still. He was one of the guys who are married to their job, who would have known that something decent would come out of Itachi? He ran downstairs to find some frozen pizza. He stopped sitting down in the couch, Itachi's spot. He leaned back and closed his eyes. It was like he could hear her all over again. "I'm jumping!" He touched his cheek as if she just had slapped him. He started crying. How the memory of her haunted him. He would never get over her; he would never find anyone close to as good as she was.

"_I don't know what to say…" Itachi was put out for once. His face was full of emotions. The news hit him before me. He didn't want me to hear it from someone on the street. "Just know that I'm here. It's nothing you ever did. It's nothing you can be blamed for. Some of us… Some of us can't make it. It's in their mind, they aren't made for this. You can wipe the tear away, but not the sadness." _He was right. His Ino was too good for this world. Itachi had been great to him after her death. He was there, always talking, trying to take my mind off things, but understanding when I spent days in bed crying.

He would often wonder what would have happened to her if they never meet. She would go on living life, being happy, taking over the world or something great. Why did she ever have to go? Why couldn't she just have hung on and things would have become better. They would have gotten back together. He was crying now, he was crying his eyes out. He didn't hear the door, he didn't hear the footsteps, but he felt the hug. Itachi was there.

He tried to comfort him. He wanted him to be happy. "It's my fault!" he cried. Itachi shushed him, patting his back. "It's my entire fault!" Itachi would, as many times before, tell him otherwise. "How could I leave her alone?" He sobbed. "I knew what she had done, I saw the bottles, I saw the pills, and I even saw the fucking knife on her living room table! I saw the knife Itachi! I saw it, and I didn't even question it! I could have stopped her!" Itachi was trying his best to calm him down. His shoulder getting wet, blond hair all over his face, but he would endure it, for his friend. "We all should have been there, it's all our fault, but down the line it her fault."

Deidara stopped sobbing, he was mad now. He didn't like Itachi saying it was her fault. Itachi said it to get rid of his guilt. Sometimes it would work, sometimes not.

"Do you know what the worst thing is?" Deidara asked. Itachi shook his head no. "I told her that I wouldn't always be there to save her. It was like asking her to do it!"

Yes, Deidara was a broken man. He had no hope for the future, he would never forgive himself. He had broken a promise, he had pushed her over the edge, but what he didn't know is that she had been falling down even before she met him. He just happened to be there when she hit the ground. For that he could, and never would forgive himself.


	69. Happy Ending: Waking Up Next to Him

I ran after him. I didn't know what he had meant by try harder, but I had some idea. I wouldn't let him off this easy. "I don't want you to say something that isn't true." He stopped in his tracks. He still had his back turned against me. I couldn't see his face, he was about to start walking again. I ran up to him, I wasn't going to let him slip this time. I grabbed his arm. He waited a short while before he turned around. I looked for his eyes, my heart was beating rapidly. He had noticed the change and smiled.

I pulled him back into my apartment. I wasn't letting him go, I wouldn't. He was too caught up in me to notice the shirt I almost tripped in walking backwards. It wouldn't be the last piece of clothes I tripped in. His kisses felt like hot water hitting cold skin. I dragged him over to my bedroom. I longed to have him again, I needed him, I couldn't go on with life without him. He pulled away and started nibbling on my ear when I tripped on a book and we fell on the ground. It hit the air out of me. I went wide eyed and slightly opened my mouth. He giggled and pullet some hair out of my face.

None of us had said anything yet. He was too busy admiring my face, and I havening a hard time getting my head to wrap around this. I lifted my head slowly, wanted to feel his lips again. He didn't take the hint, he just looked at me. I opened my mouth to say something, but the words didn't come. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down. He tasted like mint; I found the reason and stole his gum. It was my turn to giggle when he broke away. He looked so innocent with his dark eyes and yellow hair. He looked confused as well. Not sure what was happening. I wasn't sure either; I was acting out of instinct. "No, stop! What are we doing?" he asked. The holy silence was broken. I traced my finger down his jawbone. He grabbed my finger, I winched as a jolt of pain went through me. Our eyes meet, his intense and mine puzzled. I felt him shifting, he was getting up. I fought back the tears gathering in my eyes. I wasn't letting him go, no. "It doesn't matter." He could hardly hear me, but my words would have had the same effect if I had yelled them. He let go of my finger. My hand dropped lifeless to the ground. He got up.

Tears, restless pacing.

I didn't want him to walk out on me again; I couldn't have him walk out several times. I covered my face with my hands, sobbing restlessly.

He knelt down beside me and lifted up the bathrobe I still was wearing. He started tracing his fingers over my bandages. I looked through my fingers to see him looking down on my legs. "I was scared." He said. He looked up at me now. "Did he really quit his job so that your mother would die?" I nodded. He had read the letter.

He opened my bathrobe; I was just wearing panties and socks. The cold air hit me and gave me goosebumps. He studied my body, not with want or lust, but with sorrow and disgust. He tracked my scar from the c-section, it was the biggest one he could see, but he quickly found others. Many, many scars he had never seen, never noticed no matter how many times he had seen me naked.

"What's your father like?" I drew my breath and my voice became high pitched as he touched my old scar from the stab wound. He drew his hand back and folded it into a fist. He looked at me; there was no sorrow in his eyes anymore. "He doesn't understand," it was all I got. It wasn't fair. He knew so much more about me than I knew about him. I didn't say anything. Didn't want to push it.

His fingers connected with the hemline of my panties. I didn't stop him so he pulled it down removing my socks on the way as well. I didn't mind him still being still fully clothed while I was pretty much naked. It was how I often felt next to him anyway, and I still had my bathrobe to cover up with if I wanted. I knew he wanted to remove the bandages to see so I slowly nodded as a yes. He was gentle, but it still hurt. I didn't know what he expected to see, but he looked away. It was his turn to cry now. He tried to look again but got up and went to the bathroom. I looked down at my wounds. They weren't that bad, yes, they were disgusting, but not bad enough to make someone sick.

I looked at him as he came out of the bathroom. He looked flustered and pale. My gaze shortly returned the nightstand. He made his way over to me again. He held out his arm for me to take. He didn't say anything. I took it and he helped me up. He hugged me, I cried on his shoulder. We didn't need to use words at the moment. I could barely hear his heartbeat. The beat that had calmed me down so many times, it told me that he was alive and real.

I broke off the hug and sat down on the bed placing a half eaten chocolate on my nightstand. Deidara grabbed it and sat down next to me. He took the chocolate and feed me some. I closed my eyes and allowed it to melt on my tongue. "What was that for?" I asked. He just shrugged and took a piece himself, "girls always seem to cheer up when they eat unhealthy, especially chocolate." Only he could be dead serious saying something that rude making it seem okey. "And ice cream," I added. I tied my bathrobe, it was getting cold. "Was it you that… Did you?" I was looking down at my thighs so he got what I was trying to say. He nodded and stared on the carpet, in a whole other world. "Only because Itachi made me, I just blew it off. I didn't know it was that bad… I just, I didn't want to believe you." We both sat there in silence after that. We were too busy trying not to cry. It didn't work for too long. "I was so scared! There was blood everywhere! I couldn't help but to blame myself, I was so scared of losing you." He was crying so I held my arms around him. "I blamed myself, you told me that you was going to do it!"

I was debating if I should tell him or not. "I waited to see if you would show up when I called you. I was going to jump." He started crying even more. "Then I decided not to, I wanted my revenge on you. I wanted you to see how much better I was then you, that I didn't need you, how happier I would be without you. Then I came home, I realized that if you didn't care if I was dead, why would you care if I was alive?" He ran his fingers through my hair. "I care so every much!" He pulled away and looked at me, our eyes connected. His mouth slightly open, it was my turn to pull some of his hair behind his ear. He looked so fragile, so innocent and hurt. I kissed him, wishing it could make everything okey again. Make every hurt go away.

I started pulling off his shirt, if I just wanted him to talk I would have taken him to the living room. "Ino?" he said looking confused. I stopped. "You know what you're doing, right?" He was so silly at times, I nodded. He kissed me. "Are you sure you want this?" I smiled and pushed him on his back. I opened his pants and pulled them down, he kicked them off himself. He roughly pushed me on my back. His boxers were off before I knew what was happening. We were above the covers with the lights on. I got out of my bathrobe, but it was still beneath me. "Deidara?" I said. He looked at me, worried that I had second thoughts about this. "Your socks…" He gave me a big smiled and kissed me. "What about them?" he teased. "Take them off, it's nasty!" One of his hands ran up and down my body. "What if I don't want to?" I opened my mouth to tell him, "Oh no, you seem to want this more than I do." Even if I was the girl, he was right.

After a little threatening conversation the socks came off.

He looked so good when sweat was glittering on his body and his hair stuck to his face, but I wasn't enjoying it. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from screaming, but the tears I couldn't stop. "What's wrong?" he asked worried kissing my tears away. "It hurts!" It was my first time since I came out of the hospital, I had rejected him so many times since that, but that wasn't the problem. Every time he came inside me he touched my wounds. "Where does it hurt?" his eyebrow tightened in worry. I had forgotten to put on my bandages again. "My wounds," I sulked. He o'ed and looked down. "Can I… Can I wrap my legs around you?" He nodded. "I don't want to do this if it's hurting you, okey?" I agreed. It didn't hurt too badly when he started again. It was more than worth it. It was worth it to wake up next to him again. Only then could I place my head on his chest, listening to his breathing and his heart beat until he woke up. Never would I take waking up with him for granted. Not a day would pass where I wasn't thankful for him. Only he could love me like this. Only he could keep me up when I was down. Only his lips felt perfect on mine. Only he was worth loving. Only him would I owe my life. I will do anything to wake up next to him for the rest of my life.


End file.
